A #MentalHealth Light Bulb

I’ll be honest. I’m not one to write articles on the topic of mental health – this is my first attempt - or share my personal story more broadly.

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So why now, you’re probably wondering? Off the back of May marking Mental Health Awareness month in the US, and currently June marking Men’s Mental Health Awareness month, I felt compelled to contribute to the discussion.

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I’ve experienced a bit of a light-bulb moment stemming from family circumstances.?And so I finally pressed pause to actually stop and think more deeply about the ‘why’ behind these many initiatives.

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But let’s back it up a bit.

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A bit of self-reflection

As a leader I am aware of my responsibilities to my team. This includes their Mental Health and well-being.

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I have been trained in empathetic engagement with team members who might be struggling with their work, and the need for restorative time outs away from the stressors that corporate life brings.

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I would have said that I am well-positioned in the topic. In fact, I’m sure I have said exactly that.

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But matters away from corporate life, in the sphere of my personal life, have directly challenged this belief and indeed laid bare the narrowness of how I regarded mental health, and how receptive I am to a family member communicating their pain.

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Let’s do a quick stocktake – I’m middle-aged, educated in sciences, and raised in the environment of ‘just get on with it’. ‘Tiredness’ seems to be everywhere in this 24/7 life, whether brought on by caring for children, older parents, perhaps siblings or people in our wider circles. Corporate life takes and takes.

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In short, we’re all tired, so I’ve always operated under the premise that we should all ‘just get on with it’ and then we can share our tiredness war stories with one another.

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Facing my own bias

So when I’m told that a condition is beyond ‘tiredness’ my perspective wasn’t up to the mark. Instead, I wondered what was really stopping this person from picking themselves up and dealing with it.

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It took a long time for me to challenge my ingrained biases about mental health conditions, and longer still to listen properly to the person bravely telling me about their experience.

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A turning point

Fortunately for me, two of my family members walked me through just what it means to them, and how they experience their mental health. Each has different strategies for coping but they are based on their understanding of themselves, and what has worked. While one strategy is to engage professional help and medication, another is to wait it out and reduce the burden placed on themselves. I’m not advocating one over the other but each seems to work for the individual.

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Back into the corporate world, have I really been listening to my team and the people around me? Have I heard what their reality is, and how they are doing?

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I now suspect not always, which makes me all the more keen to pause and listen without bias, judgement or having a pre-determined solution in my mind.

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There’s a plethora of organisations, people and how-to’s out there. I’ve recently been fortunate to be directed to a couple of terrific mental health organisations that have resonated with me:

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1.???The first, Livin, has the tagline ‘It ain’t weak to speak’ - aiming to break down the stigma of speaking openly about mental health challenges, and to seek help. Their Mission includes delivering mental health education in schools, and promoting positive mental health and wellbeing for people through early education and awareness programs.

Check out their site at www.livin.org

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2.???The second is aimed at men in rural areas of Australia. ‘Are you bogged mate?’ really does line up with me - owing to the frequency with which I seem to get tractors and, well anything really, bogged in various places. The metaphor that men are highly reluctant to go and ask for help when the machine is bogged really amplifies how most men would rather keep a mental health problem to themselves and hope they can get quietly out of it to avoid the embarrassment. But inevitably there comes a point where you accept the reality, and then trudge over to the neighbour and ask for help. Of course the irony is that should your neighbour ever come asking you for help, you would only too quickly jump in and get them unstuck without judgement.

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‘Are you bogged mate’ focuses on helping country blokes talk about mental health and suicide, while spreading awareness about depression in the bush. Check out www.areyouboggedmate.com.au

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Uncomfortable conversations can be life-changing

From Livin.org, here’s a few tips on how to start a conversation with someone. Whilst they may seem obvious icebreakers, the reality is that many of us find it difficult to go deeper and don’t always know where to start:

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• “How have you been feeling lately?” This open-ended question allows the person to freely express their emotions and thoughts without feeling limited by expected responses.
• “I’ve been feeling a bit stressed/overwhelmed lately. How about you?” Sharing your own experiences can help break the ice and create a sense of comfort and understanding, encouraging the other person to open up.
• “I noticed you’ve been acting differently lately. Is everything okay?” By showing your observance and care, you can create a supportive and non-judgmental space for them to share their feelings.

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Final thoughts…

I am more aware of what it might feel like for someone else who is experiencing depression or broader mental health issues. Not a perfect understanding, but aware enough to keep reminding myself of my gaps. To notice, pay attention and do something.

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And I’m impressed with those close to me who had the tenacity to keep telling me what they are feeling when I clearly wasn’t hearing it. I genuinely thank them for not giving up.

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In closing - be brave to self-examine, be open and listen. And if you are going through something, remember, genuinely the world IS a better place with you in it. Know that people around you care and want to help you move from the dark place that you feel stuck in.

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#MentalHealthAwareness #MensMentalHealth #ItAintWeakToSpeak #RUboggedMate #AreYouBoggedMate