Mental Space: a Silver Lining of Coronavirus & a Tool for Creating a Better World

A five-step process to solidify your values & envision a better future for yourself, your community, and your country

(15 min read)

Materials Provided: Compass Worksheet

These are hard times. For many, Corona has intensified situations that were already difficult to begin with, highlighting institutional weaknesses of our country. In 2019, 40% of Americans reported that they couldn’t come up with $400 in an emergency situation and now that emergency is here. Millions have lost employer sponsored health insurance and the virus has disproportionately affected minorities & the poor. Congress has pumped trillions into the economy and the country, and will likely add trillions more before the pandemic is over. However, this is not just a public health and financial crisis. The loss of personal identity and loneliness resulting from social distancing during shelter in place is creating an unexpected mental health crisis which can be just as debilitating. Now, more than ever, is the time to heal ourselves, our communities, and our planet. What is truly important to us? What do we really need vs. what have we been conditioned to want? What kind of country do we want to be?

Those of us who are lucky enough to have been able to maintain relative financial stability despite the loss of our routines have a very valuable opportunity that we must take advantage of: the creation of mental space. We have limited control over what happens over the next few months, but what we can do is help those around us (especially the financial & health vulnerable), support emergency response professionals, revisit our own financial situations, and, when we have the time, think about who we want to be and what kind of world we want to live in when this is over. 

After a ten year career in financial consulting and Bay Area tech resulted in two major burnouts, I spent over a year researching and reading resources to create my internal compass. I’m not an expert and am far from discovering my life’s purpose, but it feels like a good time to share what I’ve learned in the hopes it will help you find a more sustainable path and lead to more authentic relationships, communities, and politics.

What’s the problem? 

Our lives are too full

Before I begin, think back to (and leave a comment describing) whether you’ve had some sort of interaction like this prior to or during quarantine: “Hi Sally how are you?” “Hi John. I’m good but busy, you?” “Yea, me too. Busy, soooooo busy…”

I’m going to borrow an overused but relevant metaphor to set the stage for the rest of discussion: “The Jar of Life” (3 min vid for visual learners & beer lovers)

A philosophy professor once stood up before his class with a large empty mayonnaise jar. They filled the jar to the top with large rocks and asked the students if the jar was full.

The students said that yes, the jar was indeed full.

The professor then added small pebbles to the jar, and gave the jar a bit of a shake so the pebbles could disperse themselves among the larger rocks and asked again, “Is the jar full now?”

The students agreed that the jar was still full.

The professor then poured sand into the jar to fill up the space between the pebbles. 

The students adamantly agreed that the jar was completely full.

The professor then poured water into the jar to fill up any remaining empty space.

Our lives feel like the jar at the end of the lesson, so full that nothing else could possibly fit. The surprising thing is, there’s always room for more. If we’re not mindful of our jars, they’ll be filled with unnecessary/unimportant/uninspiring obligations without our realizing it and, like a frog in a slow boil, we won’t notice that we’re completely over-extended until it’s too late which is exactly what happened to me (burnout anyone?).

How did this happen and why does it feel so hard to undo?

How did we get here? Why does it feel like we can’t keep up with our seemingly overflowing jars? Why do we always feel so overwhelmed? In short, the internet changed everything. Like, literally everything. Like, I can’t oversell this enough, EVERYTHING has changed over the past 20 years and WILL NEVER be the same for the REST OF HUMAN HISTORY. Got it? You sure? It is soooooo important that we all understand this point because it will put into context what I’m about to say next: we are THE LAST generations to understand life before the internet. 

Before the internet, it was much more difficult to fill your jar. Sure there were still rocks & pebbles, maybe even some sand, but the internet was a deluge of water unlike anything anyone’s ever seen before in the history of humanity. Seriously. I don’t have to explain the increase in hours spent working due to perceived availability, the effects of social media, and the access to endless amounts of consumable media because we all feel it Every. Single. Day. Any space we have is ready to be filled by the infinite sea of people and companies competing for our time and since nobody’s dealt with this before there’s not a lot of resources out there to guide us. So yea, that’s why life feels so overwhelming; no prior generations have ever had to deal with the problem of managing a jar based on a way of life that changed so suddenly and drastically.

And so we begin our space-creating endeavor right smack in the middle of this pivotal time in humanity. Woof. 

Why is this important? 

Our mental space is more valuable than our physical space

I’m not going to explain the importance of creating physical space as the Marie Kondo “decluttering your physical space” revolution covers everything in plenty of detail. Instead, I’m here to tell you that we need to start thinking about space outside of the physical realm and focus more on the mental. Why is this important? Allow me to explain…

America’s economy is consumer based and will be for the foreseeable future. Prior to the internet, business thrived on convincing us to buy PHYSICAL goods in exchange for OUR MONEY, which we did to an alarming extent. Marie Kondo and mindful consumers finally showed us that acquiring physical goods does not always equal more happiness (quite the opposite) and for the first time in decades, consumption of physical goods began to fall. However, the internet brought about a new age of consumerism that we’ve yet to come to terms with. We still consume physical goods in exchange for money, but now we also consume DIGITAL goods in exchange for OUR TIME. There is some money involved as well (freemium games, ad removal, subscription fees etc.) but the vast majority of companies realized that the new consumer environment makes it more difficult to separate consumers from their MONEY, but much easier to separate them from their TIME and that our TIME can be turned into revenue (ads, subscriptions, metrics for valuations, etc.). In short, the internet created an environment that encouraged corporations/people to monetize YOUR personal time. In the past, we’ve always required monetary compensation for our time through wages, now we’re giving it away for free under the guise of “entertainment”. 

Our mental space is a finite resource

So what’s the big deal? Unfortunately, the one thing the internet did not change (for the most part) is our time on this earth. Time is a mostly-fixed variable for all of us. Our lives can be extended or shortened to some extent based on our choices but most of the variables that define our lifespan are beyond our control. As a result, the time we do control is our most precious commodity. So why are we letting other people profit on our most valuable resource?

Now, more than ever, we need to protect our time. In order to do that we need time (space) to re-evaluate our jars. Quarantine has forced many of us to create some space in our jars. Let’s use some of it to support those whose jars have become even more full during this crisis and use the remaining space to create something meaningful.

So what do we do about it? A five step process to creating MEANINGFUL space

In the metaphor of the jar, we need to think of the rocks, pebbles, sand, and water in terms of how we spend our time. Usually this metaphor limits the rocks to categories like family and career but the rocks can be anything! Time is the key, not the activity or person itself. 

We know the goal is to create space in our full jars, but where do we start? Do we look past the small stuff and grab at the rocks or do we strain out the water and remove items in the reverse order in which the jar was filled? The answer is: neither. 

Before we begin to remove things we need to have a good idea of what we want INSIDE our jar or, in other words, we need to know HOW we want to spend our time. By performing this exercise first we paint a clear picture of the things we want to prioritize in our lives. This allows us to create space by limiting time spent on unproductive people/activities and ensure that space remains or is filled mindfully with people & activities that will inspire us and create a new, better future.

1. Create your compass 

Who am I and what do I believe in? 

Your internal identity sets the foundation for mindful decision making. In a world of endless possibilities, it is the compass that will guide you through both the trivial and the momentous, ultimately leading you to a more fulfilling path. 

There are many different ways to describe this compass and many thought leaders and books for you to explore. Everyone’s style is different, so I’m going to recommend some things that worked for me and you can pick and choose what works for you. Since lack of organization is a major roadblock to success, I created THIS WORKSHEET, complete with instructions & examples, to help you. 

I’m certainly not sitting here saying I have mine completely figured out and know exactly who I am, but I’m in a much better place now than I was one year ago so I know it works. This process requires a good amount of upfront effort and time so be patient and stick with it. Remember that you’re doing important work by investing in yourself. Netflix is a good escape but self-reflection is a more valuable tool in building a better future! 

2. Review your jar

How am I CURRENTLY prioritizing my time?

Now that we’ve created our compass, it’s time to apply it to the things that currently exist in your jar. The “bucketing” exercise in the worksheet is a great resource to help with this review. Start small by reviewing some of the details of your life. Think about your hobbies, friends, social schedule, time fillers (phone & video games), etc. How do those things fit within your new compass? Are they consistent with your mission & values? Now go big: what about your job? Your company? Your line of work? Your living situation? The town/city you live in? Your romantic/familial relationships?

The idea here is to identify the people and activities that align with your compass so you can make plans to create space or divert more of your available space towards them. 

3. Make actionable plans

How SHOULD I be prioritizing my time?

For me, the identification process was the easy part. Changing things proved much harder. Start with plans for creating space in your jar. Using the results from step 2, ask yourself where you’re spending time with neutral or negative influencers (people or activities) and how can you reduce the amount of time spent on them in the future? Go line by line and spend time thinking about each one. 

Remember, you don’t need to cut things out completely, we’re just looking to make sure we’re being mindful about how these items affect us. Studies have shown that going cold turkey isn’t always the best method for achieving long term results, so start small. For example, playing video games might be a good mental break so, if your compass emphasizes the importance of relationships, maybe you can spend more time playing games with friends or significant other instead of playing alone. 

That said, things won’t always be this straightforward. This exercise will likely require some hard decisions so remember, your happiness will lead to better long-term results for everyone involved. Personally, the first time I went through this exercise it resulted in a move away from my core group of friends and eventually led me to quit my job and move states. It’s not been easy and the future is still very much uncertain, but I feel closer to my true self than I ever have before.

Next, move on to plans for re-filling your jar. Who/what are your positive influencers and/or downstream effort activities and how do you spend more time on those? Think of some realistic goals and set a review schedule to make sure you’re making progress you’re comfortable with.

Personally, I’m interested in moving my career to become more aligned with the creation of better working environments within our corporations and/or creating a more sustainable way of living in order to protect the earth. To start small, my goals have mostly revolved around research and networking: talk to one new person a week that’s working in either of the two industries I’d like to get more involved in; or, spent at least five hours a week researching each industry. I don’t always meet these goals, but keeping them in mind has helped me make consistent progress and that’s been good enough for me.

4. Execute

How do I RE-PRIORITIZE my time?

This step is all about making progress on the plans you’ve made in the previous step. Change is hard, especially later in life when we have accumulated so many responsibilities (career, mortgage, family, etc.). Big or small, this will take time. Be kind to yourself and celebrate each win as opposed to beating yourself up over each perceived "loss" (if you’re like me, this will be a hard thing to learn). 

If you can and think it would be helpful, create your own circle of support! Talk to others, find or create a support group, read more books/articles on the topic and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Best case scenario, find someone else that wants to work on their compass and do it together! Accountability is a big motivator for me and I often find that sometimes I’m better motivated by accountability to others than to myself. I’m always on the lookout for more accountabilibuddies! 

5. Revisit & Iterate

How will I know if it’s working? 

No matter how hard we try, our jars will fill with things we didn’t intend to fill them with. Create a mechanism to remind yourself to revisit your jar and your compass & dashboard. Personally I use a recurring google calendar event but you can also use reminders, sticky notes, or whatever else works for you! The more often the better at first, but pick a pace that’s comfortable and achievable for you. I started with a weekly reminder, but quickly found out that was too difficult for me to maintain. Now I try to aim to review at least once a month. 

In these sessions, check in with yourself to honestly evaluate progress on your goals. What’s working and what’s not? Do you need to update your goals or develop your own structure or prioritization framework? This is all about finding what works for you. You are your best barometer of your progress, so make sure to listen to yourself! Just like hunger tells us when we need to eat, negative stress tells us when we need to make a change (remember, stress is not always negative!).

At the end of the day, the pillow test is the most important one (are you satisfied enough with your path, who you are, your decisions, etc. to sleep comfortably through the night?). The goal here is progress. If you’re ok with who you are and the progress you’re making, then you’re on the right path. 

About the author: Kevin is a freelance consultant working with organizations of all types to define their mission, values & brand. Prior to consulting, Kevin was a Director of Operations at a Healthcare Tech company in San Francisco.