Is mental load a gender thing?

Is ‘mental load’ a gender thing? This is a question I have been asking myself for quite some time now. My husband and I are celebrating our 12th anniversary this month, and I must admit that we don’t function anything alike. But opposites attract, right?

Running my own business, leading Women in Tech and being a mother of 4 children, my days are never long enough and every minute counts. Organization is key so that everything runs smoothly, especially when I’m away from home. There are so many things to think of, that it feels as if my brain is divided into a multitude of files. 

If I drew a picture, it would be like my computers - I have 3: 2 desktops (one at home to work remote, 1 at the office to work with the team) and a laptop that’s always in my bag and that I travel with. I have a Dropbox pro, a Google Drive, external hard drives, USB keys… thousands of files that I have in my head and that sometimes overload.

So, for instance, both my husband and I travel often for work. When he travels, he puts in into his Google agenda and his main preoccupation will be getting his tickets, thinking of what instrument he will take (he’s an artist by the way), and other logistic details.

When I travel, I have at least 127 questions that come into my mind:

-      Are we both travelling at the same time? If yes, is it longer than 1 day? Must I take the children with me on the trip or should I arrange for them to sleep over at a friend’s house? 

-      Can the nanny work until later that day or does it fall on a Thursday and she finishes early as she has to take her daughter to horse-riding class?

-      Must we cancel my daughters piano class that is on a Saturday morning or should we try and reschedule for another day during the week?

-      And her private English lessons Wednesday morning? If we cancel another class the teacher will finish by hating us… maybe we should try out Skype lessons, even if she’s only 8. OK, that means having her iPad fixed or lending her mine, setting up a skype account for her, putting child protection on my iPad and deleting access to my client’s social media accounts.

-      And the cat? We need to buy more cat food and ask the neighbor to feed him while we’re away.

-      What projects must we hand in for my clients in SocialBrain? Can my team do the work or is it something I have to finish?

-      Will I have Wi-Fi connection on that train trip?

-      When will I fit in buying groceries?

-      I guess no time to go to the hairdresser again… so either I accept my grey hair, or I do a home color dye late at night that sometimes have very surprising results.

-      …

I read this book written by French author Laurence Bourgeois on how to free yourself of mental load. I could recognize myself in so many situations that it’s pretty amusing. I love when she talks about Octopus Woman- where we need to have 8 arms to do everything and we’re exhausted not because of the physical effort, but because of everything that goes into your mind. 

So, is this a Women’s issue or just another gender stereotype?

Would love to know your thoughts about this.

P.S: While I was writing this post I had to concentrate on what I really wanted to say as I had my baby boy that was putting his feet on my computer while watching Kirikou.