The mental load at Christmas

Hello!

We hope everyone is ok, and getting into the spirit of the festivities to come.?

We put out a post on LinkedIn last week about Christmas. If you’re a parent, what’s the one thing you’d love for Christmas? It could be an object, or something abstract. Anything goes! So far, we have spa day, space, a lie in, a big cheque for childcare with some M&S truffles, someone to do all the washing, someone to buy, wrap presents… what would you add?

Please share with us, and we’ll share all the ideas in December.

Today I want to talk about THE MENTAL LOAD.??

The mental load becomes something quite overwhelming around this period for parents.?

We have costumes to prepare for school nativities, Christmas fair requests like bring in a mug of chocolates, bring in a bottle/box of chocolates if you want your child to be able to wear mufti, presents from the big man, and for others, get togethers galore as everyone seems to want to get a meet up in before the end of the year, Christmas parties, secret Santas, on top of work commitments which also ramp up in the lead up to the end of the year.?

It’s A LOT!?

So my thoughts on this are -?

? It makes you an incredible multi-tasker. The saying is “if you want to get something done, ask a busy person to do it”. Well there isn’t anyone much busier than a working parent at xmas.?

? It’s no wonder it can feel like it gets too much!!?

There’s always one person that takes the lead in the household when it comes to the mental load. And I can guarantee that we are not the only household to have “chats” about this either. It’s hard as it needs one person to own stuff, but it’s also a lot for one person to juggle in their brain! And balls will be dropped.?

If we’re not the one with the main mental load, we can ask what we can help with, and when we are asked to do something, it’s really key to own it. If the person with the mental load has to remind us to do it, then it’s still in their mental load.?

The purpose of asking to help is to relieve them of that thing in their brain, to make it a bit lighter. In fact, I’d go as far as saying if they have to remind us, then it’s actually creating more mental load than before!?

The other option is if we’re aware of some of the stuff going on, own some of it, and tell them “I’m doing this part”, which can be even better than asking what there is to do.?

This can be applied at work too.?

If someone is really busy, even if they’re successfully getting everything done, and we have some bandwidth, we should ask them if they’re ok and if they need help.?

If you are the person with said mental load, PLEASE delegate to relieve if things are getting too much.?

Please get in touch with us if you struggle with delegation or you know someone else that could do with some support. This is how we end up with a lot of the mental load in the first place.?

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Until next time!

Jess and Takako ??

A few social posts and newsletters that you may have missed over the last couple of weeks, which may be of interest:

• Confidence, the most consistent topic that comes up
• Takako's reflections on our event
• The Importance of community
• The power to influence policy
• Raising Boys
• Fatherhood bonus vs the motherhood penalty
• The gender bias in parental responsibility…read all about it in our fatherhood gap report
• How to sell in "Supporting working parents" at work
• The Fatherhood Gap
• Assumptions make an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
• Thoughts on working part time: working part time does not mean part time commitment. Read it here
• Transformational times like motherhood can bring about confusion and lostness. You can read about how you could get clarity at times like these here.