Mental Illness is not a personal failure..

Would it surprise you to know that In April of 2018 I spent 5 weeks at Homewood, a mental health hospital in Guelph? No, Jack Nickolson from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest was not there.

Instead, the group of patients I spent time with were a surgeon, a teacher, a chef, a CIA agent, and another fellow entrepreneur.

Depression and anxiety were nothing new to me, but in 2018, it was different.

My mind and body were doing things I couldn't control. I was shaking, throwing up and had night sweats. Insomnia and thoughts of suicide were racing through my mind. At one point, I had this out of body experience where I was looking at myself and shouting to snap out of it. “Why is this happening? You're stronger than this.”

My family, friends, and colleagues were starting to get scared; I was going downhill fast.

Hatem, my husband, would often find me curled up in a corner somewhere in the house, rocking back and forth, trembling uncontrollably. He would hold me tight until I calmed down, no easy feat because sometimes it took hours.

Hatem. He is my ROCK. The one person I can completely rely on and who is absolutely my knight in shining armor. I put him through hell and back in 2018.

Being bullied in my own organization and years of not taking care of myself had resulted in a nervous breakdown, burn out and pure exhaustion.

Recently my good friend Shelly started the #Decidetobekind campaign, a stand against bullying in the workplace, social media and at schools.

I'm FULL ON IN and will do everything in my power to call out bullies whenever I see it. Even the ones who still continue to bully me even though they are no longer a part of this organization. Let's just say, they know where I stand. #BSradar

The drive to Homewood in 2018, with Hatem, was filled with immense fear, anxiety, and sadness for both of us. I was going to be living away from my family for five weeks. Five weeks! Hatem would be alone with our three children as well as managing our business - a business that had gone through a massive disruption. The guilt that consumed me was like a tidal wave.

I cried the entire first day, could not seem to think straight and barely came out of my room. Over and over I kept asking myself, “How in the hell did this happen? How could I LET this happen?”

Guilt, as it turns out, is my #1 enemy.

My mental illness is NOT a personal failure and I'm not ashamed to share my story. Not one bit.

If my story helps just one person, just ONE, seek the help they so desperately need, then it will have been well worth it.

I break my silence for them. I broke my silence for you.

Silence is a trap.

I'm on a mission, one article at a time, one speech at a time, one day at a time.

Sipology is an incredibly proud supporter of Kids Help Phone and Crisis Text Line.

$2.00 from every bag of Pineapple Potion, Peachy Keen, and Unicorn Kisses will go to Kids Help Phone and Crisis Text Line.