Mental Health - what it is not and what it is.

A very dear family friend once asked me - "So tell me, what does psychology say? Is happiness the answer to all our mental problems?". This dear friend of ours is learned, wise and a jolly good fellow. We love him. But his view of mental health & well-being was acutely myopic.

When I was struggling with my own psychological issues, oftentimes my family members would say - "Just think positive and decide to be happy" or "we just want to see you happy". This equating of mentally healthy with "Happy" goes to show how little we know and understand about the concept.

Mental health is not being happy all the time - or being positive, enthusiastic, energetic, lively, productive, active, confident, motivated (and many other such attributes) at all times. It is a human impossibility. The expectation from ourselves and others around us, to have a pleasant state of mind, real or made up, all the time is bound to fail.

So then what is Mental Health? What are the parameters? How do you know you are doing OK?

1. A mentally healthy person is capable of experiencing a wide range of emotions - both positive and negative. Just like joy, trust and surprise are essential to the vitality of life, fear, disgust, anger, and sadness have evolutionary purposes. The seemingly undesirable emotions are important for the preservation and sustenance of life. A person with sound mental faculties would be able to experience all of these emotions in varying degrees at appropriate times. The key is to not dwell into any of these emotional states - postive OR negative - for prolonged periods.
2. The ability to cope up with life's stressors, big & small challenges and demands of life is a crucial sign of mental health. Life isn't constant. Some days are easy, some demand a little extra effort, and some days can really push your limits. Being functional on those days that exact more from you, without being dilapidated by panic, hopelessness and outrage constitutes mental health. While it is okay to feel exhausted, exasperated, and concerned, bouncing back from that state of mind is the decisive characteristic between mental well-being and psychological impairment.
3. Good relationships - healthy, enriching, the ones that help you grow are the defining element of a good quality of life. The ability to form and maintain such relationships is a sign of mental health. A constructive relationship is when the happiness and well-being of the other person are equally important as yours. None of the two people in the relationship, be it family members, parent-child, friends, lovers, life partners, should feel either dependent or exploited or obligated to do something they don't want to. Relationships should foster love, companionship, joy, and support.
4. Appropriate behavior, in keeping with the occasion, context, and social prevalence is the easiest observable sign to learn if a person's mental well-being is intact or impaired. There is no particular parameter for what constitutes right behavior. It is contingent to the culture, traditions and norms of the society and dictated mostly by the circumstantial experience of the person. In simple terms, crying on an occasion of grief and jubilating on a celebratory moment is the right thing to do. Studying hard for your entrance exam and paying less heed to distractions is the right thing to do (feel free to insert more of your own examples here). Actions not in keeping with such can be an alarm of maladjustment or psychopathology.

So next time someone talks about mental health, know that it is not the absence of unpleasant, off-putting and seemingly undesirable emotional states. Mental health and well-being is like RESILIENCE. It is about feeling sad or angry or disappointed or worried or stressed - and with time, bouncing right back.