Mental Health Support and Therapy for Alienated Parents

There’s an awful lot being said about mental health these days, and about time too. We can talk about PTSD, death, divorce, work stresses, relationships and all manner of subjects, but the one often overlooked is that of the dad (or mum in some cases) who is denied access to their child due to the parent who holds custody shutting off contact, many times without explanation. Having been through it twice myself, I am all too aware of the pain and anguish these vicious and often arbitrary decisions made (mainly by a disgruntled mum) to spite a dad.

I want you to imagine your child being kidnapped. Close your eyes and think of it for a couple of minutes. The kidnappers call you and say your kid’s OK, but you’re not allowed to speak to them or see them, and imagine then, that the judicial system sides with the kidnapper, and the ransom payment is the emotional and financial distress it will undoubtedly cause. That is what happens in 99.9% of cases in the UK at present.

What makes matters worse, is often the (legal) kidnapper turns the child against the other parent out of malice and to strengthen their case should the child get a say in the court proceedings: it’s not uncommon. If you’re not unhappy enough with your kid being kidnapped by the system, add another hurdle that will make matter far worse, and call it CAFCASS, AKA the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service. To say this bunch are a joke is to understate it by quite some notches. In my experience, even when presented with a woman who admitted she had lied to “get at me”, I was still not allowed to see my son without supervision and while being filmed in a CAFCASS (Google them) office that was dirty and had filthy toys strewn across the room. I was allowed 2 hours filmed contact after a period of twelve weeks without seeing him. I had done nothing wrong, had kept contact up to that point, and was shocked when it happened.

If the UK (and other countries’) Government is serious about looking after dads’ mental health, then they have t move of this issue. There are currently 21 suicides per week in Australia due to family breakdowns and dads missing their kids through family court systems (Griffith University stats) in Australia, while parental alienation is also associated with long-term mental health issues (Psychiatra Danubina) for both the alienated parent and the child.

While going through the trauma I endured at the time, my therapy was to write a film script and make a movie to highlight my, and many other dads’ cause. The whole thing cost me less than ￡1,000 and I wanted to be as realistic as possible, which is how I was able to make it so cheaply. I advertised in Stage magazine and after sending out around 70 scripts I got an incredible response from actors who wanted to play the lead role. I'll cut a long story short, my lead guy got a job on Hollyoaks a week before filming was scheduled and I had to step into the role myself. I didn't want to, because I wanted the audience (most would be my friends) to see Ritchie, not Andy. However, I'm very proud of it, and I got some great feedback from TV actors, Nigel Pivaro, Jimi Harkishin, TV presenter, Terry Christian, and film writer, Neil Goodwin (no relation t the character, Ritchie Goodman)!

It’s not pretty by any standards, but it was serious therapy for me at the time, and I hope it serves as a form of therapy for others who are perhaps now going through the same as I did. The resulting film is called Out of Court (yup), and you can see it on Youtube (search the title and my name). I will offer a word of warning, the language is pretty choice and there are scenes of violence. Feel free to share.