Mental Health Monday: Feeling Like a Ghost in the Civvy Machine
[Scene: The Office – A Civilian Coworker Asks for Help]
Civ: Hey, can you help me with something real quick?
Vet: Sure, what kind of help we talking here? Legal or physical?
Civ: Uh… physical?
Vet: Okay, physical. Got it. You need me to move a body or just hide one? Because the first is messy, but the second I can knock out in under 30 minutes—45 if I need to bring the duct tape.
Civ: [horrified pause] …No, I mean office furniture. I need help moving some desks.
Vet: Oh, that’s way easier. Sure. Where are we moving it? The roof? Our place?
Civ: [confused] What? No! Why would we move it to the roof—or… steal it?
Vet: Because it’s funny, Steve. Picture it: your boss comes in tomorrow and finds their desk on the roof. Absolute gold.
Civ: That’s not funny! It’s theft and vandalism!
Vet: Okay, fine. We don’t steal it. Instead, we move it somewhere annoying, like the bathroom, then duct tape someone to it. That’s even funnier. Team-building exercise, you know?
Civ: [slowly backing away] …Where did you work before this?
Vet: A prison gang called the military. We were big on efficiency, resourcefulness, and duct tape.
Civ: A what?!
Vet: Relax, Steve. It was just the government’s way of giving us uniforms and rules to follow before breaking us. Think Shawshank Redemption, but instead of digging a tunnel with a rock hammer, we dug ditches with broken shovels and got screamed at by guys who called us "heroes" when the generals were looking. You ever put a desk on a roof just to make your sergeant ask questions? No? Then you haven’t lived, my friend.
Civ: I don’t think HR is going to like this conversation.
Vet: Oh, I’m sure HR isn’t going to like any conversation I have. I got in trouble last week for asking where the team stores their 550 cord. Apparently, “standard-issue survival equipment” isn’t a thing in this office. But I’m still waiting on that class about what to do if the printer detonates.
Civ: Printers don’t… detonate.
Vet: Says you. I saw a copy machine smoke itself to death in Iraq. One second it’s printing forms; the next it’s billowing black clouds like it owed the Taliban a favor. Meanwhile, we’re scrambling to fight fires with coffee mugs. You think I’m going to trust this office equipment? Please.
The Reality of Feeling Out of Place
Veterans often walk into civilian workplaces and feel like they’re the punchline to an inside joke no one told them. The language is different, the humor’s softer, and nobody seems to appreciate a solid duct-tape solution. It’s like walking into a new unit, but instead of finding your people, you find Steve, who gets sweaty just carrying his laptop bag.
Dark humor becomes the go-to survival mechanism for moments like these. It’s not just a way to laugh—it’s a way to connect with what made sense in the chaos. Civilians, though? They don’t always get it. For them, a joke about hiding a body isn’t edgy—it’s a red flag.
That disconnect is isolating. And it’s not just about humor—it’s about identity. In the military, you knew your place, your purpose, your mission. Out here? You’re left wondering why everyone’s having a two-hour meeting about desk placement when the answer’s clearly “just duct tape it and move on.”
Why the Civilian World Feels Foreign
Let’s face it: the civilian world can be downright confusing. The priorities are different, the camaraderie is hit-or-miss, and the stakes feel… off. No one’s life depends on whether Janet submits her Q4 report on time, and yet somehow it’s treated like it does.
And then there’s the little stuff:
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This isn’t just about being misunderstood. It’s about feeling like the odd one out—like your toolbox is full of solutions no one else is even trying to use.
How That Impacts Mental Health
That feeling of being out of place? It can snowball into something bigger. Veterans already face higher rates of anxiety, depression, and PTSD than the general population, and transitioning to a civilian environment can amplify those struggles. It’s not just about missing the mission—it’s about missing the people who understood your quirks, your jokes, and your duct-tape genius.
When you’re surrounded by people who don’t get you, it’s easy to feel isolated. And isolation is dangerous. It’s a short hop from “no one here gets me” to “maybe I don’t belong at all.”
Bridging the Gap
So what’s the solution? How do you make the civilian world work for you without losing your mind—or your humor?
1. Find Your People
Look for other veterans in your workplace or community. They’re out there, and they probably feel just as out of place as you do. Even if they’re not at your job, groups like VetSec can connect you with people who speak your language (and won’t flinch at your duct-tape suggestions).
2. Educate, Don’t Intimidate
Civilians might never fully understand where you’re coming from, but that doesn’t mean you can’t share. A quick, “In the military, humor like this kept us sane” can go a long way in helping people see your perspective. Just maybe leave out the body-hiding jokes until after lunch.
3. Own Your Weirdness
You’re different, and that’s okay. Lean into it. If your coworkers don’t get your sense of humor, that’s their loss. Find ways to balance staying true to yourself with adapting to your new environment.
4. Take Care of Your Mental Health
If the disconnect feels overwhelming, reach out for help. Whether it’s a therapist, a veteran group, or just a friend who knows your struggles, talking about it makes a difference.
Closing Thoughts
Feeling like the odd one out in a civilian workplace is tough, but it doesn’t mean you don’t belong. The skills, humor, and resilience you gained in the military are assets—even if Steve from accounting doesn’t know it yet.
So keep cracking jokes, keep using duct tape, and keep being unapologetically you. Because at the end of the day, the world needs people who see problems differently—and know how to solve them with 550 cord.
Director, VetSec
"Duct Tape Diplomat, Veteran Translator"
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?? ?? I thought it was just me who has a weird sense of humor. Thanks for this!