Mental Health: A Lot of Words From Me

I have tried writing a post like this dozens of times before and have always given up.? I honestly don't have enough words to even partially describe the level of grief, fury, anger and frustration I feel at the mental health system. I can't speak to the rest of Australia - my only experience has been here in the ACT, which I would assume should be better at least no worse than any other part of Australia.

Many people who know me know that I'm the primary carer for my mother who has severe mental health issues and that I have made significant modifications to my working / professional life to accommodate this - but very few know what this actually means and actually understand why I feel like I have had to make this choice.

Mental health is such a ubiquitous word these days.? When my mother was first diagnosed when I was finishing highschool, I didn't tell anyone about it.? No one at uni with me knew about it - none of them knew that almost every year, the night before my year-end law school exams, I wouldn't have had any sleep ... that I'd watched as the police have to carry her, writhing and screaming into a police car, follow her to the hospital as she was driven away to Emergency where she'd be screaming and ranting, waiting hours and hours to be seen before she could be admitted and then I'd stagger into the exam room at ANU to try to write something semi coherent on my exam paper.??

We've gone from never talking about mental health at all, to talking about it so much more - which is good … but now the word means so many things to so many different people and occasionally the concept of complex mental health issues i.e. severe mental health disorders gets a bit lost amidst all the other discourse.

But the recent tragic incident at Bondi Junction generated a lot of discussion about mental health.? I've heard so many people asking, baffled - why was this allowed to happen?? Why was this person getting no support?? How was it even able to get to this point?

The perpetrator of the Bondi Junction stabbings (apparently) had been diagnosed with schizophrenia since he was 17.? Schizophrenia is a serious mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally.? It can result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behaviour that impairs daily functioning, and can be disabling.? My mother has been diagnosed with severe bipolar schizoaffective disorder which has over the years become treatment resistant.? She suffers the devastating hallucinations and delusions combined with extremely severe mood swings - very high highs and desperately low lows.? Prior to being stabilised, there were behaviours that were physically harmful to self and others.? Before the mental health laws were changed in the ACT, it wasn't possible to get her admitted unless she had threatened physical harm to herself or others - I'll let you draw your own conclusions there.??

There was a time when my mother responded very well to treatment and we could get her to a very good baseline level following hospitalisation and treatment.? Over time, her condition deteriorated and she no longer responds well to treatment but we have been able to get her stable to a certain extent but this is almost a full time task to keep her stable.? I have written a note about it here. It's extremely long sorry and most people won't want to read it, but I know a lot of people are very interested in mental health issues (especially those who also have family members that are similarly affected) and many others have been extremely puzzled about my decision to step away from long-term, highly paid and respected work to assume gigs that are frequently much less exalted.

By way of example, in my current temp gig, my hourly charge out rate is around 1/12th of what it was at a UK Magical Circle law firm back in 2009. That is perhaps a rather extreme example and possibly not very contemporaneous, but for something a little more recent, for my current role, I've declined at least 5 others that would have paid me 2-3 times what I am currently on.? Now and then I will accept a more higher paid / demanding role but these are chosen with extreme care for obvious reasons - so please do not take this post as a request for people to approach me with high paying roles. If you read this and the link - you will know why I'm probably going to say, thanks but no thanks unless there are very clear expectations,.??

What happened at Bondi Junction was tragic.? There was no excuse for what the perpetrator did and my heart goes out to everyone affected.? I guess what I'm trying to say is that when people are asking how / why something that could possibly happen in Australia - if you look at my note, you will see that I am earning a fraction of what I could earn, I am dedicating huge quantities of time and effort into keeping my mum (and society) safe .. I am trying so incredibly hard to be a good advocate for her.? I'm a lawyer of many years standing.? I'm educated and literate.? I care.?

Nonetheless, despite all of my efforts - I am still failing her horribly and finding it almost impossible to get any type of proper support from the mental health system… I'm still ignored, patronised. Sometimes, I still get treated like I can't speak English, especially when it's a new member of the medical team.

When I saw the news reports about Bondi Junction, I knew exactly how something like that could happen and it has certainly reinforced my conviction that I have done exactly what I should have done and that I have no regret for my choices. Even though the situation is far from ideal - it's still a hell of a lot better than it could otherwise be ...