Mental Health, Interrupted

I wasn't sure if I should post this, but it's Mental Health Awareness Week and I think it's important for people to know that no matter who you are, or who what you do, or even how you come across on Social Media - it's okay to struggle, and it's okay to need help.

The worst thing about having a mental health issue, in my opinion, is the stigma associated with the reactions. Having to tell someone you aren't feeling great; that you just are not feeling like yourself; that you can't leave the house that morning - what will they think, what will they say, how will they act around you? But this is a new era. We talk, we share, we understand.

So here goes... I [sometimes] have depression. And anxiety. There used to be mornings when I couldn't leave the house for fear of being outside. I couldn't speak with people, I had a short temper. I burst into tears at random moments. I felt both trapped but lost. I would call my best friend in tears for absolutely no reason apart from that I was walking home on my own. I wouldn't be able to speak on the phone. I couldn't eat, or sometimes all I could do is eat. Exercise was out the window as I couldn't face people "looking at me" (and knowing that they weren't).

The hardest part was actually talking about it. The even harder part was talking about it at work, and so I didn't, for a few months. I kept my head down, I didn't really speak to people and I definitely wasn't myself. I thought that if I just didn't address it and didn't talk about it, it would just go away.

Needless to say, it didn't.

I have a wonderful support system at home - a caring boyfriend, a family on the end of the phone and a pretty great group of friends; But... we spend over a third of our lives at work, and I work in a very up-and-down industry - recruitment - the highs are high and the lows... well... are pretty darned low...

Step in the best thing that could have happened - my work - Finlay James.

I didn't tell my work, which I think is important to say, they asked me. They noticed my behaviours, personality and changes in attitude and asked the question, three little words that basically changed everything:

"Are you okay?"

If there was ever a guidebook on how to approach managing someone's mental health - I can truly say that they've read, re-read and revised that book and I thank God every day because if I was anywhere else, it would have been a struggle, and I definitely wouldn't be where I am today.

I don't want to bore you with internal conversations, and it's safe to say I am in such a better place now, 6 months later, than I could have ever imagined. I only had 1 day off last minute since the new year, and I'm currently the top performer in the London Team. I'm not bragging, I'm simply stating that I truly believe there is always a silver lining, no matter how hard that might seem to see at the time. Sometimes you just need someone to ask the question.

To help others - I wanted to outline the support systems that my Line Manager, HR Manager and Managing Director put in place to support me, because if even 1 of these points can help someone else, or another manager who is supporting someone struggling with their mental health, or another HR team who are trying to sort a support system.

Trust - I've put this right at the top. This is so important as it means everything in an Employee-Employer relationship. I learnt very quickly that trust and honesty is the most important part of handling working. Trust your Employee to know when they need support, when they say they need time, or when they don't need time. Trust them to do their job to the best of their ability, to know that they really are trying. As an Employee, try to keep the conversation flowing, even if it's just a quick message. If something works/doesn't work, if you need something or don't need something try to tell someone. It doesn't have to be your manager, but find a support system that you can trust - HR/Colleague or anyone who you can turn to during work hours. It just takes trying.

Flexibility - Personally, I really struggled leaving the house in the morning, not waking up, not getting ready, just leaving the house made me so anxious it would take me up to an hour to leave. I was allowed to come to work when I was ready, no time limits, I just had to send a quick WhatsApp to my Line Manager when I was on my way in. Time limits can really put a lot of pressure on when you can't control a certain feeling, so try to accommodate a flexi-working policy and [again] trust them to make back the time later on, or in another way.

Accountability - Although this may be difficult depending on job roles, I worked out with my line manager which things I could continue being held accountable for in my day-to-day planning. I used my outlook calendar to plan and get notifications on my phone, I made sure I didn't organise meetings early in the morning, I had a plan for when I came in, I worked best later so planned for that. I still managed candidate and client processes, and I had planned with our Account Managers to assist when I couldn't.

EAP - Employee Assistance Programme. This is a new benefit my company introduced last year, and I wouldn't have recovered as smoothly without it. An EAP is a "work-based intervention program designed to assist employees in resolving personal problems that may be adversely affecting the employee's performance". They offer so many services, including, a brilliant flexible counselling service, which can be face-to-face, phone or Zoom! (21st century...) and you can get a set amount of free sessions, and then supplementary to support your recovery on-going. I can't stress how important things like this are for a team and company - please, please invest!

Team - I am SO lucky to have a really supportive team here at FJ. Never questioning, never doubting and always there if you need some support day to day. A good culture can't be forced, but it can be created. Hire based on culture and motivation, not based on success or achievement (generalisation of course), because you want to add people who will surround your team with positivity and motivation, and people who add to your culture not detract from it. I have never felt judged by my team, just supported and, yep, loved!

Time - No two people's recovery is the same, I had 6 months of turbulence, emotion and change, but my journey was MINE. Be prepared for it to be longer/shorter/up-and-down. There is definitely no one size fits all in terms of timelines. Sometimes it will be fine and "normal" (what is normal!), and sometimes it's back at square one and nothing has changed. But it just takes time, and time is the first step to change.

This is NOT an exhaustive list. There are so many different support systems, processes and they won't all work, but you only need to take one step at a time.

This isn't a pity article. Don't feel sorry for me, feel HAPPY for me! I'm in a great place now, I'm not 100%, but I'm closer than I was before... I'm living my best life, I'm on the path I want to be on, and I have a great company that have really invested in me and my mental health.

If there is one takeaway I'd like you to have as an Employer - let it be this - Ask the question... and please respond accordingly without judgement.

If there is one takeaway I'd like you to have as an Employee - you are NOT alone! You can get help, you can get support, and you are perfect just the way you are.

I'm always happy to talk if anyone ever needs, but here are some really great services you can contact if you need...

Support Services

• To talk about anything that is upsetting you, you can contact Samaritans 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You can call 116 123 (free from any phone), email [email protected] or visit some branches in person. You can also call the Welsh Language Line on 0300 123 3011 (7pm–11pm every day).
• If you're experiencing a mental health problem or supporting someone else, you can call SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30pm–10.30pm every day).
• If you're under 25, you can call The Mix on 0808 808 4994 (Sunday-Friday 2pm–11pm), request support by email using this form on The Mix website or use their crisis text messenger service.
• If you're under 35 and struggling with suicidal feelings, or concerned about a young person who might be struggling, you can call Papyrus HOPELINEUK on 0800 068 4141 (weekdays 10am-10pm, weekends 2pm-10pm and bank holidays 2pm–10pm), email [email protected] or text 07786 209 697.
• If you identify as male, you can call the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm–midnight every day) or use their webchat service.