Mental Health & Grief: How to Help Your Employees

Last week I ran into a fellow CEO, as I normally do in these Tulsa streets. (Tulsa is so small. It is easy to run into people you know as you go about your day-to-day.) We struck up a conversation. As we were talking and sharing about our upcoming weekend plans, she asked me “Where is your mom?”

This question likely was meant to segue into how I was planning to celebrate Mother’s Day. But, instead it went in a slightly different direction.

People who have known me for longer periods of time usually know that my mom is no longer alive. But depending on when we met and in what way, it is safe to say that many people are not aware of this. So, this innocent question thrown into a quick conversation quickly snowballed into something else entirely.

My mom died when I was 25 years old. And although it was over 18 years ago, the absence of her in my life is felt every day.

I've come to realize that special days, like Mother’s Day, Christmas, my mom’s birthday, etc. can sometimes set me off. (Just like the ordinary, mundane ones can, too.) Sometimes those special days turn out to be warm, sweet, and full of joy. For those of us who have experienced a significant loss in our lives, some days can hold both joy and grief. It just varies.

Because grief and mental health are interlaced, along with the onslaught of emotions I felt last week in response to a seemingly harmless question, I wanted to share some tips for supporting others (and perhaps yourself) in the more tender times of year when grief may be more pronounced. These tips come from what I’ve experienced in my own grief journey but are also informed by my years as an HR practitioner.

1) Craft caring bereavement leave policies.

As US employers go, there is a lot of room to grow in most company bereavement leave policies. For those that do have a bereavement policy, generally, the standard is receiving 3 days off immediately after a loss and only for close family members. Three days really isn’t a whole lot of time, especially in the case of significant losses that take months to years to process.

What I found helpful was having flexible time off options during the first year of my mom’s death. At that time I was a public school teacher and she passed just a few weeks before a new school year started. It was helpful having a few weeks off to process the loss, spend time with my family, and also prepare to return to work.

Additionally, throughout the school year, my teammates and administrators were very accommodating with me taking time off as I needed to or even a few minutes out of my classroom when things got rough.

2) Mark milestones and memorable events.

A few months ago my sister shared with me that her coworker was coming up on the one-year anniversary of her child’s death. My sister was considering what was the proper thing to say or do, if anything at all.?

When it comes to grief, everyone processes it differently. And it can be awkward when you don’t want to say the wrong thing or upset someone. Usually, I try to lean into the awkwardness and find meaningful ways to plan for, be considerate of, and remember days when an employee’s heart may be more tender.

This is where knowing your people comes in handy, where you can use your knowledge of their temperament and personality and emotional state to inform your actions. Better yet, setting up a practice in your organization can take away much of the awkwardness.?

Consider making a donation in the loved one’s memory on the anniversary of their death. Send a card or plant to your coworker. Or…

3) Offer space and a listening ear.

I want the people I support as an HR professional to feel comfortable bringing as much of their full self to work as they would like to. That often means I need to be ready to engage some hard conversations or lean in when I don’t know what to say.

One of the most important things I’ve learned over the years as an HR professional that when it comes to people processing messy emotions, many times you don’t have to say anything. Listening and offering a safe space to share challenges and the impact of the loss in their life is usually what’s most appreciated.

4) Highlight resources available through your employee assistance program (EAP) and the community. If you offer health benefits to your employees, check with your benefits broker/provider about counseling resources and services specific to navigating grief and loss. Also, check out what support groups are available either virtually or in the person’s place of residence.

It wasn’t until 5 years after my mom’s passing that I even learned that grief counseling was a thing. I was able to get connected to a support group through my church and then a community-based grief center that a friend referred me to. Note: I personally wasn’t ready for counseling right after my mom’s death. But knowing where I could go when I was ready was extremely helpful.

Why is it important to consider the impact of grief on an employee’s mental health?

It can be difficult to fully anticipate and plan for the support that individuals may need at different points in their grief journey. But my biggest words of advice are to simply lean into being a good human. Be observant and sensitive to shifts in behavior. Have resources at the ready should individuals request or need help finding them. Finally, be open and available to listen or just be present at those times when a caring person is needed.

How do you support your employees’ mental health and show up for those who are grieving a loss? Share what’s working in your company in the comments.