Mental health and Brown parents
Most of you who believe that mental health is very important must also believe me when I tell you that people share images like the featured image of this blog to show support, care, and love for those who are suffering from depression, anxiety, eating and bipolar disorders, etc.
This is a great thing to do, a very nice gesture indeed. However, instead of sharing images like that if people start to be there for the people who need help then this world be a much better place.
Most people keep things to themselves and I am not talking about women only, I am talking about men as well. Why? Because of the pressure.
What pressure? Society's pressure. Ever since we are kids we are told multiple times on several occasions that; don't do this, don't do that, why are you doing this? what would people think? or if you would do that it would bring shame to our family.
These words develop as a fear in our hearts as we grow older. What happens next is disturbing and an alarming situation for brown parents, only if they consider it alarming. Some of you must be wondering that why did I use the words; "only if they consider it alarming"? Well, because most brown parents just don't get it that the world has changed a lot since when they were young and the issues which they faced in their lives, their children's issues are different, therefore, they need to upgrade their parenting game in order to support their children, understand them better and protect them from any potential harm.
Most parents still dwell in the past that things are simple, people are simple and this world is simple. Well, not it is not, not anymore.
Most brown parents logic:
Sadly, most brown parents think due to the advancement in technology things are now easier. Indeed it is true however, there is a much greater risk for your child to get spoiled. Due to the internet and all the technological devices that we have in our homes, children may get spoiled more easily now. The Internet is a good thing but again it depends on the person who is using it and their mindset.
What's ironic is that most brown parents think that their child has nothing wrong going on with them because they were young once and they did well. Well, you really are lucky but that was the 1970's or 1980's, this is 2020 and things are different now. The pressure that you first felt when you were a proper adult, most children feel that or worse in their teenage years.
I do not mean to say that you do not love your children because you do. However, you just don't understand them as you should as a parent. (Most of you)
Children need someone when they are upset or worried about something, they need at least that much space that they can share what they feel with their parents without fear or hesitation.
Most parents think that children should have a fear of their parents in their hearts. Why? Are you going to harm them? Are you a bad person? Are you an enemy? if not, then why your children have to be afraid of you?
It is funny because I know why you want that. It is because you want your children to obey you. Now, I have a question; shouldn't it be like that? your children obey you because they love you, they respect you and they have this genuine desire to make you happy because you are so important to them.
OR
Should it be that? your children obey you because of the fear that the father or mother would get angry, get mad, beat them, or would not talk to them for a while.
What do you think it should be? Ask your heart.
I am young, I am only 24 years old but I believe that when a boy turns 12, his father should be there for him as a friend and as a father until he is mature enough, mature enough to make decisions on his own, mature enough to understand the difference between right and the wrong.
I also believe that this is a mother's duty to treat her daughter just in the same way a father should treat his son when he turns 12. Why? because daughters cannot discuss everything with their fathers. So you have to be there, as a mother and as a friend and tell her, guide her and educate her about everything which she needs to know.
Why do I think that the parents have to be their children's friends when they turn 12?
Because this is when children enter their adolescence when they start observing changes in their bodies when their hormones are most active and most importantly when they are prone to make stupid decisions because they are sensitive.
I believe that at this age children should be given enough space and confidence that they come to you and share whatever they think, want, or are confused about. Because, if they tell you then you can guide them well and nurture them to be a better person. It is much better than being strict and making them talk to their friends who are in their age and are stupid.
I have been through this, I was not given enough space and confidence to tell everything to my elders, I was scared. That is why I discussed everything with my stupid friends who were the same age as me at that time and I listened to their stupid advice *Sigh* and did what they told me to do. But I do not blame them for they were young and stupid as well and they just wanted to help me as a friend while it should have been some elder from my family.
I started smoking when I was 14 years old (you read that right). I won't go into details but I got in a bad company and did drugs twice when I was 16. Thank God this is the only two things that I have done wrong so far in life and Thank God that I didn't do drugs again.
Thank God I had a few friends who were older to me who took care of me and helped me become a better person or else I wouldn't be here writing this blog to explain to the Desi (Brown parents) that please give space to your children and listen to their problems because the advice that you will give them will be the best for them.
Remember, everyone is not that lucky.
I have shared things that I was afraid to share with the world, things that I am not proud of only because I want you to understand that the world has changed, the time is different now and so should be the parenting techniques.
Please know that the depression, anxiety and other disorders like this are real. Therefore, please research these to be a better parent and take great care of your children if you see the symptoms of such disorders in them. Also, if a child has such symptoms that do not mean that he is mad and he should be in a mental hospital. All it takes a little love and care to make someone feel better and strong again.
NOTE: To those brown parents who are reading this, I am sorry to write this but I had to because no one else did it, no one else is doing anything about this social issue. I hope to save lives through this blog, I hope that people who will read this blog will understand it and implement it in their lives so that their children don't have to suffer.
P.s I hope that this blog will help at least one parent to change and adapt the new methods of parenting. Please read my other blog "Black lives matter" as well.
As a parent myself, I am at such a point in life where not only do I recognize the mental abuse and the things that went wrong while I was raised in a certain way but also understand the pressure of raising my sons to be good men in the future. I know how I would have liked to be open with my own parents and this is what we are establishing in our house right now. My sons, aged 7 and 5, are curious about the world, and instead of shushing them, we talk in a manner that their innocent minds can understand. We are strict when the times demand it, and we are loving, fun, and mischievous as well. As parents, we need to be changing forever and though we can't change the past, we can try to change the present thereby improving the future. Kudos on the awareness you are bringing through your writing. May I suggest going over the pieces you write later on so as to edit a few of the grammatical mistakes that can occur? Great job overall!
LUMS | Content Writer | Teacher | Mphil Mass Communication
4 年This is a really serious issue. On and off, I am trying to convince my parents that providing kids with food, the best education and shelter doesn't mark a full stop to their duties. It's high time we start putting efforts into relationships and understanding as much as we are putting in to facilitate our children with the best of gadgets and all luxuries of life. I'm really grateful for all that my parents have done for me, will never be able to thank them enough. But there are still some problems. We might have everything, yet when we collapse we are on our own because we can't really talk about mental health and sickness associated with the issue. My brothers and I have started breaking the ice and discussing stuff with our parents. Modern day problems require modern solutions. We can't address today's issues by going back into 1980s and bashing our kids with them. Hard work pays off when parents start understanding meditation, breathing exercises and other things ?? you've penned this piece really wisely. I agree with most of your points and I think there are people out there like you, me and many others who can do little things to bring change gradually in our society. Really an admirable blog. I appreciate your efforts.
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4 年Nice article, there are every type of people (parents and children) in this world, irrespective of brown or white descent, their customs, lifestyle, thinkings and way of parenting differs from others based on many factors. I must appreciate that atleast you are brave enough to highlight your perspective of the issues with parenting these days. Good job!
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4 年Thank you for your message. ??