Mental Health Awareness Week: How can I network when I have anxiety?

“You’ll be fine.”

“You manage every day at work.”

“Just go up and talk to people.”

These are three of the not-so-helpful pieces of advice I’ve received prior to going to a networking event. I am happy to admit that I experience terrible anxiety from time to time and unstructured social situations can act as a trigger.

Sometimes, despite appearing cheerful and diligent at my desk, I’ve had to battle with myself just to get into work. I’m talking about holding back tears, physically forcing myself out the front door and trying to ignore the crippling stomach ache that’s suddenly appeared from nowhere. I’ve found myself circling the office several times before being able to go in.

And – for the record – it’s not my job giving me stress. I actually really love my job and the supportive team of colleagues I’m lucky enough to find myself with.

It’s my anxiety that’s the problem.

For me, the ninth circle of Hell isn’t Treachery, it’s a room full of strangers all chatting away to each other. Whilst I circumvent the drinks and snacks – my anxiety often doesn’t permit me to eat in front of people I don’t know – I try and scan the room for a couple of friendly faces who might allow me to join in with their conversation.

My anxiety tells me that everyone in the room already know each other; are much further ahead in their careers; aren’t interested in my thoughts on a particular topic. So, it can be incredibly hard to pluck up enough courage to walk up to a pre-existing conversation and sidle my way in.

It can make you feel very small, the room can spin, it can be incredibly suffocating. Often, I’ll find myself pretending to fiddle with my phone or my bag until I’ve taken enough deep breaths to slow down my heart rate and stop my throat from feeling like it’s about to close in on me.

Sounds pleasant, right?

And yet, we’re supposed to love networking. It’s supposed to be a great opportunity to make connections, meet like-minded people, learn more about your market. You’re supposed to have the perfect, witty, throwaway comment that will raise a laugh, or a really serious, original idea that will get the whole room thinking.

How are you supposed to do that when you can barely summon enough energy to fake a smile and join a conversation?

Nine times out of ten, once I get into the flow of something, I find myself genuinely enjoying talking to my peers, furiously scribbling notes and on the look out for new ideas or products. And, the more people talk to you, the easier it is to strike up a conversation with others.

But it does take me a couple of hours – and a lot of internal pep talks (usually dished out in a bathroom cubicle whilst I hide from the masses) – to get into the swing of things.

Personally speaking, I try to do as much “prep” as I can before such an event to try and limit the potential for a full-on anxiety attack. Because I definitely DO NOT need a room full of strangers fussing over me. I do things like –

• Research the event location
• Plan the best route to get there, allowing plenty of time for delays
• Get a copy of the schedule for the day so I know when I’m expected to mingle, eat or listen
• Try and connect with fellow guests on LinkedIn beforehand

I also know when my battery has run out. Having anxiety – on a normal day – can be exhausting. Having it on a day when you’re supposed to be “on” in a room of 200 people is much, much worse. So, if I get to 5pm and I need to skip the final networking drinks because I need my jammies and a good book, I don’t beat myself up.

Sometimes, just making it to the end of the day is a victory in itself. I don’t need to be entertaining over a glass of warm Prosecco on top of that.

More importantly, if I see someone standing on their own, I try to talk to them. Maybe they’re feeling the same way I am.

It would be nice if everyone else could do the same.