Mental Health Awareness Week '22 - My Recent Experience

Today marks the beginning of mental health awareness week in the UK. This week is crucial to not only breaking down barriers, and removing stigmas related to mental health, but also ensuring people understand what support they can get when needed. According to Mind, 25% of people experience a mental health problem at some point every year. As someone that lives with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), this week really means a lot to me.

I personally believe sharing and talking about mental health is the best way to break down barriers and help people understand that they’re really not alone, Although it may feel like it, and feel scary or even pointless to reach out for help.

This year has been a real **** of a year for me personally. My 5-year relationship with my now ex-fiancé ended in January, and from there I spiralled into a BPD episode that I wasn’t expecting. My emotions were all over the place. The pressure of my master’s qualification, managing the recruitment department and trying to keep up with everything that needs to be done in the house was getting tricky, I started having panic attacks again. In early April, it all became too much, and I had a weekend that I now call “Rock bottom weekend”.

I went out on the Friday night and DRANK quickly and heavily… Not to enjoy myself, not to have fun – But because I didn’t want to be sober or think about what was happening anymore. I woke up the next morning and knew I’d made a fool of myself in front of people that I really shouldn’t have.

On the Saturday, I couldn’t settle… I couldn’t stop thinking “I don’t want to do this anymore… I don’t want to live.” – Now, as someone living with BPD, this isn’t a new feeling, but it’s the first time in many, many years that I’ve wanted to act on the thoughts – So I picked up the phone to our EAP service – I told them what was going on, how I was feeling, what had happened that got me to that point, everything. They gave me some coping mechanisms, booked me in for some solutions-based counselling and ensured I had their number and Samaritans numbers should I be in crisis mode again. ?I do not know what would have happened that day without that service.

Sunday came, I felt the same as the day before – That anxious feeling came back and I couldn’t get the intrusive thoughts out of my head… Samaritans this time (116 123), based on the advice of the EAP… A bit of a rinse and repeat situation where they were able to talk to me for a good hour and settle how I was feeling. By lunchtime that day I was sat on a bike in the gym doing a sudoku, feeling much better.

On Tuesday, when I returned to work – I had already been to the doctors and they’d given me some medication to help take the edge off when I was having one of these episodes. I had a meeting with my manager – She was INCREDIBLE! One of the joys of working in the social care sector is that you’re surrounded by understanding people that don’t see mental health as a buzz word, stigma, or something to be ashamed of, and can really help. We spoke through everything, I told her what I was struggling with, and we made plans. I did the same with my university lecturers and got some extensions to help me manage the workload I was dealing with.

That was nearly a month ago now.?I still wake up feeling anxious, I’m seeing the therapists through the EAP service, and I know where I need to turn and who I need to talk to when I’m feeling down.

The reason I’ve shared what happened that weekend in detail, is because many people that hit crisis mode don’t reach out. Many people don’t share what’s happening and struggle in silence. I implore anyone and everyone that is feeling that they can’t cope with something that’s happening in their life (even if you don’t know what the trigger is) to reach out to someone. Either, the EAP service, Samaritans, Friends, Family, your manager, a trusted colleague – Anyone. Suffering in silence cannot be the answer. Going through a rough patch is not a weakness, and the more we talk about mental health and don’t answer “How are you?” with “Fine thanks.” ?The more we can break down barriers, remove stigma and support each other.

I cannot stress enough, I’m genuinely much better now – I’m personally in a good place and back to where I needed to be.??I just hope that me sharing my recent experience can help someone else that may no know where they can turn.

I would like to add - I don’t ever want people to treat me differently because I have a mental health diagnosis (If anything, it’s part of what drew me to the amazing work that Orbis and Priority Childcare do!).?I am proud to lead the recruitment department and know that it is a job with many challenges.??I want people to feel as free to talk to me about mental health as they do to challenge me about recruitment.??My main aim is to raise awareness and eliminate the stigma!

Samaritans Cymru is available with lots of useful information here - https://www.samaritans.org/samaritans-cymru/