Mental and Emotional Wellbeing

In recognition of October 10th World Mental Health Day, I would like to share “Mental and Emotional Wellbeing” from my book Living Beyond Dreams published March 2021 in Turkish (the English version is still “work in progress”):

Firstly, we need to acknowledge that positive and negative feelings are natural part of human life. Tal Ben-Shahar, creator of the popular “Happiness 101” course at Harvard University has a striking remark:

“There are only two kinds of people who do not experience painful emotions like sadness, anxiety, anger, envy or disappointment. The first kind are the psychopaths. The second kind are dead people. The fact that we experience painful emotions is actually a good sign, it means that we’re not psychopaths and we’re alive.

When we do not allow ourselves to experience the full gamut of human emotions including anger, sadness, envy and anxiety, these emotions actually strengthen, they fortify and they become more dominant. Blocking these emotions also block the same channels that allow us to experience positive emotions.”

Instead of suppressing our negative emotions and judging ourselves and others for having such emotions, let’s allow ourselves and our loved ones to experience negative emotions when necessary. At such times it is helpful to acknowledge the emotion and to try to understand its source.

Thousands of scientific research studies on mind-body connection show that healthy nutrition, exercise, quality sleep and refraining from toxins are factors that positively impact our mental and emotional wellbeing.

It is crucial that we love ourselves and make time for ourselves, our loved ones and things that make us feel good while removing from our life what gives us negative energy, including such people. ?

Let’s pay attention to who is in our life. These people affect us positively or negatively with their behaviors and energy. Jim Rohn suggests that “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” In my opinion, we are affected by everyone we spend time with, directly or indirectly. Our family, the role models who inspire us, people we help, friends we spend time with, people that teach us new skills, the list goes on and on.

Let’s live our life for ourselves and based on our value system, not to receive approval of others. It is best to be natural and genuine. No need to compare ourselves to others.

Let’s also consider how our attitude, words and behaviors impact the lives of those around us. If we were a person who had to pick five friends to take on a deserted island, would we pick ourselves?

Let’s be aware that sometimes those close to us can sabotage our efforts to make certain changes in our life. This is not necessarily ill intended, it could be due to their own anxieties or because they don’t know what they don’t know and are trying to “protect” us. Just like sometimes we can be our own worst enemy and sabotage ourselves, let’s be aware that our loved ones can make the same mistake.

Let’s live in the present moment, not in the past or in the future. We can’t change what’s already happened or a missed opportunity. Sure, we can take lessons from the past, but let’s not waste our time and energy on “if only”s. There is a blessing in everything! Let’s appreciate the “present” moment rather than focus on anxieties or plans for the future. John Lennon has said it so beautifully:

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

Let’s be caring, compassionate and forgiving both to ourselves and to others. Scientific studies show that forgiving, being at peace with ourselves and others are good for our mental health and our physiology; lowering blood pressure, strengthening our immune system and improving heart health.

Many studies show that after a certain level, more money does not make us happier. On the other hand economic difficulties can negatively impact our psychology and relationships.

Let’s spend wisely, embrace minimalism and not waste money on things we can easily do without.

If possible it is best to regularly save a portion of what we earn. The sooner we start this habit, the better. It is also important to allocate a portion of our earning to social good, even if we can only start with a small amount.

Investing is important for financial wellbeing and freedom, but let’s make sure to collect experiences not just assets – shrouds have no pockets.

Let’s not perceive financial freedom as retiring early. Let’s be productive and continue to add value to the society with meaningful work for as long as our health allows.

As explained in Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life, being active, productive and socially engaged are key to a happy, healthy, long life.

The longest ever happiness study started by Harvard University in 1938 shows that close relationships and being part of a community are the most significant determinants of long term physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.

Stress is natural. In fact “fight or flight” which is necessary for human survival is actually thanks to stress; in case of emergencies, stress can be life-saving. Hormones such as adrenalin and cortisone that are secreted in stressful situations make us more energetic, careful and vigilant, helping us cope with threats or danger.

However continuously being in stress and “emergency mode”, not having the opportunity to calm down and relax between different stressful situations causes wear and tear in our body. When stress becomes a chronic problem, it can weaken our immune system and cause fatigue, headaches, depression, sleep problems, diabetes, digestive problems, arthritis, high blood pressure, heart disease and even cancer.

Stress management is one of the most valuable skills to have in our tool box.

Many topics that I covered in my book including “positive attitude”, “affirmations and self confidence”, “growth mindset”, “being solution oriented”, “radical acceptance”, “a blessing in everything”, “meaning, purpose and passion”, “work-life balance”, “work smart”, “being able to say no”, “getting started”, “communicating with difficult characters”, “what if we are the difficult one”, “asking for help”, “helping” provide important tips for stress management.

Yoga, meditation, mindfulness, breath exercises make a big difference even if we start with just 10 minutes a day. On days when we don’t even have time for that a few deep breaths in and out would help.

Let’s focus on things that fill our life with positive energy.

Being grateful is a habit that is wonderful for the soul. Scientific research also shows that gratitude benefits our mental, emotional and physical health. Thinking about at least five things that we are grateful for that day before going to bed every night and starting the day with gratitude in the morning both feels great and increases our energy.

Keeping a gratitude journal or a diary of our feelings, thoughts and plans, is an incredibly useful habit.

Let’s count our blessings everyday, the more we appreciate what we have in our lives, the more we will have to be grateful for.