Mental Depression To Suicide| Part 10: Life In Death|

My empty soul yearns for a lifeless existence, a paradox I can't quite grasp. Perhaps in death, the absence of life, I won't be compelled by depression to seek suicide. After all, the dead cannot feel anything.

Others seek an afterlife, but I crave a "life" in death. It just occurred to me: to have an afterlife, you need life first. My depression brought death into my life, and now I fantasize about finding "life" in death. A life of peace, free from the chains of depression, or as I see it now, liberation from mental oppression.

I wrestle with a question: "Is suicide the destination of my depression, or will I find peace in death without the torment?" Yes, I'm willing to escape depression through suicide, but it feels like tearing my heart away from its desires. I once told myself, "I became the depression, then suicide itself."

The nature of this "life in death" eludes me. While I'll be free from trauma and tremors, who will I be? Will I even know I'm dead without the constant pain of depression? Well, if there's no pain in death, I won't feel the mental torture anymore.

Therapy offered a life I didn't want – a life burdened by depression. Why choose that over "life in death?" What does it hold for me? Peace, I suppose, although I doubt I could truly experience it. Imagine living through a war, only to be offered peace you can't enjoy because your desired peace is death itself.

Clinging to depression for so long pushed me to the brink, into the clutches of suicidal thoughts. Now, I yearn for life in death, not an afterlife. Even in an afterlife reached through suicide, I fear I'd carry my burdens. The cycle would repeat, with me seeking another suicide in that new existence. Resurrection is the last thing I want. It would bring back not just me, but also the depression and tremors, amplified in a world without death, where suicide is impossible. In death, at least, I wouldn't be driven to suicide by depression because I would be beyond feeling.

How can I achieve this "life in death?" Suicide seems like the only option, a way to extinguish my spirit and soul to find peace from depression. In my mind, suicide offers no loss, only gain. Is it a defeat to depression? No, it's victory – sacrificing myself to lose a single battle in exchange for permanent, numb peace.

My empty soul craves a lifeless existence, a paradox I can't escape. My current life feels dead already, whether I succumb to suicide or not. Taking my own life wouldn't be a surprise, but a cruel twist of fate – cruel to some, but salvation to me. I wouldn't have to cling to this emptiness, grasping for external fulfillment that only widens the void within.

I yearn for a life without pressure, desires, trauma, or the oppression of depression. Just a state of nothingness, numb to the abyss that consumes me. Suicide seems to be the only way to achieve this "life in death," where I no longer feel the void.

As I write this, the word "suicide" hangs heavy in the air, beckoning me towards that peaceful oblivion. But I wonder, if I could find true peace while living, even with depression, would I want to save others from suicide? Would I show them that there's no life in death? For me, suicide represents an escape, a path to peace from depression. It's the only way I see to have a "life in death."

#End of Part 10: Life In Death.?

End of Part 10 Series From Mental Depression To Suicide.