Men, are you walking alone? By Contributing Author - Mike Darling

We all walk the path of life – is it alone or with a friend?

On September 29th, Karen highlighted a relevant but sad point in her Relationships Matter Monday’s article about young men - everyone wants to be them, but them. They look like they have it all, but inside they are dying emotionally and would rather be anybody but themselves.

Today, we see so much "success" on social media that we begin to believe that everyone has an ideal and perfect life except "me." Everyone posts their "very best" on social media. Rarely, do we see people presenting the real truth about the frustrating circumstances of life.

Compounding that problem is the stigma associated with a guy getting "help." There is the fear that if a guy gets help, then he is deficient and not really a "man." The lie of "Real men don't need help with their problems" is pervasive. Most guys are afraid to share their true feelings with their buds because their “buds" will laugh at them.

Things should be just the opposite. We were designed to live in community - the older men teaching the younger men about life and how to navigate it. We all need help with life, from time to time. We all have problems. None of us grew up in a perfect home with perfect parents. It is too easy to feel alone in our struggle. Our friends should be quality friends that will walk beside us, not laugh at us. Somebody that will assure us that we are not alone. They should be the type of people that help us to become the best person we can be. If we have friends that will laugh at us if we share our true feelings, they are not our friends, and it is time for new, better, and quality friends.

Compounding the problem is that men are growing up in dysfunctional homes and then passing that dysfunctionality on to their children, who pass it on to their children. It is their "normal," but not the intended normal. TV, movies and social media all sell a “normal and necessary" life that is anything but normal and necessary. We are being sold a bill of goods that a dysfunctional family is normal and that to be happy, we need lots of flashy fancy things.

The solution? There is no magic formula to instantly solve the problem. 

A good start? Find someone to talk to. A counselor, an older gentleman that you trust, etc. Don't know an older gentleman that you trust? - Get to know some. Find a mentor. See a counselor. It is not a sign of defeat or weakness to seek help, it is a sign of strength. It shows that you want better.

Change does not happen overnight but it does happen one step at a time. Take the first step.

Thank you, Mike Darling for again being a Contributing Author for the Relationships Matter Monday posts for Men. We greatly appreciate you sharing your own #crisistocourage4men story regarding your feelings with fellas asking for support and being in a loving community, which makes real healing possible.   

Pixabay Contributor

Thank you for reading.

Your thoughts are very appreciated.

Author’s Bio

Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men, and fellas, 25+ stuck there due to complex trauma, make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive trauma-informed workshops in a program called, “From Crisis to Courage.” With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.

She does a weekly Relationships Matter Monday LI article/poem/commentary for 16-24-year-old men and fellas, 25+, stuck there due to trauma, is a frequent contributor here, and has a bi-monthly podcast called Crisis to Courage to give gentlemen an honorable platform for learning how to use their voices in a way which gets respected, instead of turning to the old standbys: anger, isolation, and numbing behavior, so they can be the men they were made, formed, and created to be.

Crisis to Courage Podcast for Men Links below:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1130105/listings

https://open.spotify.com/show/0hBtQMFu6eOoHAJBZVRgiQ

https://podcasts.google.com/?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xMTMwMTA1LnJzcw==

https://podcastaddict.com/podcast/3017583

https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-pl-1258925

https://www.deezer.com/us/show/1372142

https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/crisis-to-courage-podcast-a-platform-for-udrRN3OmV9o/

Are you a man, 16-24, or more mature, 25+ which feels stuck mentally, and is not able to move forward due to a traumatic past, which shows up as anger, isolation, or various numbing behaviors, and needs support? Or, do you feel something gets in the way emotionally from you loving self, others, or having the life of your dreams, but are not sure what? Please DM me on Linked In for an opportunity to talk.