???? MEN, SPORTS, DEPRESSION... TRYING TO KEEP THE APPEARANCE UP OF THE MODERN-DAY GLADIATOR. ????

When I was younger and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life… I loved learning new skills, having new experiences… One of them being trained in remedial massage. 

I was particularly interested in sports… mainly because athletics was my “thing” growing up.

Having male buddies who were super active and played competitive sports (footy, hockey, basketball, cricket)… I got to practice on them and then use those massage skills on footy players.

WHAT IT DID WAS TAUGHT ME MORE ABOUT MEN’s MENTAL HEALTH AND THEIR IDENTITY... than it did about massage.

Hanging with guys most of the time and having them as house mates, I saw a different side of men. 

But this, the whole men in sports… it showed me how deeply men suffer when they’re placed on a pedestal of being a so-called sporting hero.

First up, let’s be honest here… 

Was the pressure these guys felt to prove themselves. Out-do each other. With their sporting achievements… and in their personal life.

And how the most reckless and damaging things were supposedly held in high regard in amongst the guys and in amongst a lot of their sporting community.

Yet behind the scenes, in my private conversations with them… they often despised themselves. 

They were unsure of themselves… and felt insecure about most things in their life, including their own identity. And even what they stood for.

They couldn’t share their struggles… it was met with… 

“you’ll be right, mate… don’t be a f--king p—sy”.

Guys feeling the pressure of having to be their best… to win… throwing up before games on the side lines or in the locker-rooms… 

The pressure of not letting their fellow team mates down.

Of not letting family, club members and fans down.

Of not letting their reputation down.

Of being injured.

Of never wanting to appear vulnerable.

The better they performed, the more pressure there was to follow-up on that.

That personal struggles were to be pushed aside, keeping them bottled up.

It was play hard, really hard – all in… and off the footy field… play hard and reckless.

I struggled with the fact that these guys that I’d gotten to know, what lay behind the surface…wasn't just the fear...

...But they were hell-bent on heading further down the road of self-destruction.

They were basing their “manhood” on trying to prove themselves… trying to belong… 

That there was a real terror of being seen as the weakest.

There was self-annihilation everywhere.

How frivolously and regularly (eg weekly) sports clubs encouraged their players (often financially), getting smashed drunk with strippers, sex shows… 

And regular parties and events that lead to the athletes having sex behind their wives and partners backs (and even with other players wives / partners)...

Punch ups, abuse… paranoia…

Them all supposedly “brothers”… to a point on the field… but none of them truly trusted each other.

There was no integrity, genuine rapport amongst them. 

It was a game of pretense.

It was messy and chaotic.

Loaded with betrayal. 

They were always looking over their shoulder.

It was put down to “boys will be boys” blah blah blah.

They were held up to be kings.

If you didn’t want to participate in this… you were considered weak, not an alpha male.

I saw amazing respectful, good hearted blokes… being peer pressured down a path they didn’t want… yet too scared to speak up.

Ruining their own lives, relationships, careers, jobs and their self worth… 

To create an identity which is fear based…

A complete lie.

When their mothers, wives and partners voiced their concerns… they were told by the club community they were simply jealous of their men, and trying to ruin his sporting career. 

Even the women could be just as ruthless as the men in defending this, especially if their son, partner, friend was at the top of his game… 

...because their identity too, was wrapped up in that man’s reputation.

( Needless to say... I chose to walk away from it. I'd rather be there as a supportive friend...

Than be a part of what was creating this mess. )

Now when a guy moves into being a public figure… having moved through the ranks… where he’s held up to be a hero for all of this…

...encouraged by those around him that this is what is held in high regard…

He’s then condemned in the media.

Dragged through the mud… even though he was groomed to become this.

The sport hero stud, who’s tough and aggressive as f--k, emotionless, has issues, mistreats others… is now treated like a criminal.

(But can be often forgiven if he keeps kicking goals)

Is it any wonder why these guys turn to drugs, alcohol, suicide?

It’s difficult enough as an athlete when you’ve dedicated your life to a sport, to transition from it to a new life after that. 

The mental and emotional suffering (physical too, when it’s injury based)…

The fall from grace is far… if not hell for many men.

It’s not uncommon to hear that men in sports are pigs. 

Are a--holes.

At the end of the day you have to take responsibility for yourself.

A man has to make a choice which direction he chooses.

Let me tell you… the tides are changing.

There are so many amazing men out there.

That have transitioned from their sporting career and are now using it for good.

Some learnt the hard way… And are now leading powerfully by example.

For mental health, emotional support and how guys treat each other and women – respect.

So many.

And so many incredible men that I see wanting to create an environment for boys, teens / young men to create and be…

Strong, grounded, responsible, creative, have powerful self-value, integrity, momentum, discipline, understanding their emotions… 

Being resilient, having an inner stance that holds themselves accountable… while bringing themselves inner-peace. Self respect.

Performing at their best and in their purpose.

Doing good in the world in their own way.

And breaking the cycle… for the next generation.

Let’s support these men who are stepping up, creating change.

And for the guys that feel left behind…

That got stuck in that cycle…

It’s not too late, brother.

Love you 

Thankyou ?????????????

Mandy xo 

Resilience and Vital Force Coach For Men

"Formidable Resilience for Powerfully Grounded Momentum During Challenging and Extraordinary Times"