Men and their “role play”

Should we be celebrating International Men’s Day? I was asked this question by a few men last week and my emphatic answer was “Definitely, yes!”. (19th Nov is International Men's Day)

Two out of three boys think society expects them to be strong and tough, “be a man,” and “suck it up,” according to a survey by Plan International USA. Men have been traditionally the “burdened” lot and I do say this with my senses intact! During my coaching sessions, I encounter gentlemen who go through stress because of the “think male, think responsibility, think protector and provider, societal norms upholder” stereotyped and hyped image!!! 

It set me thinking more on this when I came across a few situations like these: 

• A very well-educated & employed young man being dumped 2 days after a grand wedding! The bride had her heart set on another guy and used this wedding as an 'official' escape route from her parental home! Subsequently, eloped 2 days later leaving the official groom abandoned and traumatized! 
• An increasing number of men (and young boys) live and work away from their families residing in a different city; in the quest to provide better life for their families! I wonder at what cost though - living alone, fending for themselves and working in corporate organizations (another sad story to be written about at another time) - while the demands from the family (sister to be married, aged parents, spouse and growing kids) keeps increasing as the time goes by.
• I have even come across cases where spouses, despite being homemakers, prefer to not "inconvenience" themselves but are perfectly OK to let the “man” of the house live in a different city to earn and slog it out on his own while being “at home and in comfort” themselves - wonder what their priorities in life are?
• A young boy lost his left arm and left leg in an unfortunate accident. The father went into a shock and shut down his business and went through a major personal trauma. On the one hand he was and wanted to be always there for his son, and on the other hand, had to “put up a front” for the society – whereby he had to be strong, continue to ensure by some way that he was the “provider”, while suffering psychologically as he helped his son in every possible way to ‘get back on to his own feet” and restore the boy’s confidence. The father put on 40 kgs weight and resorted to tobacco and alcohol abuse while trying his best to continue to play the “role” expected of him.
• Men (as much as women) have to also bear the brunt of toxic bosses, continue their career under any circumstances - given the “living up to the society’s expectations” stamp.

Aren’t men also then victims of their gender?  

Is this also not an issue that needs our attention?!

I fully accept that India is and continues to be mostly a patriarchal society, wherein men are definitely the privileged lot. However, there are definitely some men who are at the receiving end because of “these privileges”. And yes, men pay a price too.

We need to work towards much more balanced society which is truly gender neutral and where no one is either more or less privileged, but we are all able to live and co-exist in an equitable society.

Bias and stereotypes impact us all: Men, just like women, are constricted by stereotypes and penalized if they act outside their traditional gender roles. This is certainly a powerful moment for all of us to reflect on, where each of us can look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “Am I the best that I can be?”, and more importantly, "Am I happy being who I am and doing what I am doing?" We can look at it as an opportunity to examine the where and the why.

We need to not only see women as they truly are, free from stereotypes, but to also see men as they truly are—and to rewrite the script together.

Best wishes to all of us! Take care and Live your true life and be happy!