Men: Our Silence is Killing?Us

#NotAllMen is the marker of men’s isolation and disconnection

The silence of the majority of men about our collective impact on women's lives allows abusive patriarchal systems to remain in place even though we don’t support the extremist actions of the most abusive men who openly attack women. But boy do we get defensive when men are collectively called out, quick to claim #NotAllMen

Catalyst Inc. research shows that in the workplace 94% of men feel pressured by other men to live up to society’s “rigid masculine standards.” That’s patriarchy right there, telling men how to live our lives. We’re not free either.

Quoting Catalyst here: “Past Catalyst research has shown that many men want to intervene and reduce sexism—yet sometimes do not. The study also reveals that men with high masculine anxiety are likely to say they would do nothing in the face of workplace sexism.”

-->Why are we men so quick to cry #NotAllMen? Because being told we are collectively responsibility for sustaining patriarchy, threatens to make us admit to ourselves that we have been bullied all our lives by the same patriarchal men who attack women.

#NotAllMen is how we angrily respond because we must find a way to live with our own responsibility for surrendering our moral agency to bullies long ago and living with the shame that created. We know the bullies are still watching us. We’re frozen/defensive in our silence.

Want to join Catalyst Inc. , A Call to Men , Equimundo: Center for Masculinities and Social Justice , Ray Arata , Ashanti Branch and others in helping men break out of the bullying enforcement of retrogressive masculine norms? Do your men’s work with these organizations or with groups like ManKind Project , or EVRYMAN .

Remaking Manhood's podcast, videos, along with free sample chapters of our book The Little #MeToo Book for Men, which maps Man Box culture in just 75 short pages, are here: https://linktr.ee/remakingmanhood

The price we pay as men for allowing our dominance-based culture of masculinity to silence us is deep loneliness and disconnection. We’re so busy hiding those aspects of ourselves the don’t fit “rigid masculine norms” that we become strangers to ourselves, our partners, our kids.

Cigna Healthcare reports “more than half of U.S. adults (58%) are considered lonely.” Chronic loneliness has the same health impact as smoking. The isolation created by Man box culture, what NYU researcher and author Niobe Way calls our “crisis of connection,” is killing us and all those whose lives we impact.

I began my men's work when I was 50+ years old. Don’t wait like I did. Do your men’s work now. Come in from the cold. Join the growing community of men who are creating a healthy masculine culture of expression and connection, of equity and community, of longer more fulfilling lives. We are ready to have you join us, to do our work alongside you.

Mark Greene coaches leaders at all levels and consults to organizations on how to break free of retrogressive Man Box workplace cultures. Learn more at RemakingManhood.com

Mark is the co-host of Remaking Manhood, the Healthy Masculinity Podcast. Available on all major streaming platforms.