Are men attracted to successful women?

As a dating coach, I hear the same doubts from my female clients over and over again. One of the most common questions I hear is “are men attracted to successful women?” Some of my single lady clients think that men are intimidated by ambitious, career women. I hear some iteration of this so frequently that I address it directly in?my signature program .

Maura Thought Her Success Kept Her Single

One client, Maura, was so convinced of this that she told me that it would be impossible for her to find a relationship because of her professional success. This couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Most successful men admire and respect strong, smart, successful women. But that alone doesn’t create the potential for a romantic spark. For that to happen there’s a key ingredient that must be added to the mix: femininity.

Being successful and being feminine aren't mutually exclusive.

In Maura’s case, she was a lawyer who was well known and respected in her field. She was conventionally attractive but dressed quite seriously in business suits and slicked back hair, and carried herself in a serious and stern, “professional” manner. This of course is normal and exactly what she wanted to convey as a lawyer; a “no-nonsense, all business” look helped her to come across as serious and professional at work.

Carrying yourself this way shows an understanding that how you dress and act contribute to how you are perceived and at work this was a necessity. By the same logic, after work, we needed to do the same, but with a different tone to show up more femininely in our personal lives.

Whether we like it or not, the way we look and come across affects our ability to attract and keep a partner. Both men and women still respond (often subconsciously) to ancient biological gender signals and our brains are wired so that we are attracted to those who show the healthiest reproductive ability and sexual availability.

Career Women Have a Complicated Relationship with Femininity

Cultivating our femininity is important because masculinity is attracted to the opposite, femininity. As a matchmaker, I always ask my male clients what they are looking for in their partner and almost always hear: “she’s got to be feminine.” By that, they mean a woman who looks, feels, and acts feminine.

Many women, especially strong, successful, career women, are skeptical about?femininity. For many years, to be successful in the workplace, women suppressed their femininity. Some women mistakenly think that being feminine has something to do with being weak.

In fact, femininity has nothing to do with weakness but rather is about a balance between softness and strength.

We can be strong and feminine at the same time. In fact, genuinely feminine women are incredibly strong; feminine strength just presents itself in a different way than masculine strength. Masculine strength comes from tension and contraction whereas feminine strength comes from flow and flexibility. Keep this in mind when trying to put yourself into a feminine state of mind.

Another common misconception is that femininity involves being submissive and appeasing people around you (especially men). Again, nothing could be further from the truth. It’s about being true to yourself, finding your inner strength and self-respect and being proud of who you are inside.

3 Principles of Femininity

Understanding the principles of femininity can be helpful as you implement more feminine practices in your life.

Here are the top 3 principles of femininity

1. Give up the need to be right and let yourself receive

We need to simply let men “do” for us. From allowing them to pay for our parking, carry our gym bag, connect our DVD player to the television, choose the table at a restaurant, and drive thirty-five kilometers to our area for a date, all we need to do to play into our feminine is to say, “Yes, thank you,’’ and not insist on any of those things being done, ‘‘our way.’’ Allow men to be masculine and to give in ways that they can.

While I am not suggesting that you stop engaging in playful banter or expressing your own beliefs or point of view, telling him why your directions to the restaurant are better than his is not the best demonstration of your feminine energy.

In fact, the need to be right is fundamentally “alpha male,” and a man will not be attracted to another alpha. Criticizing or telling him he is wrong is a turn-off. Tune into your flexibility and allow yourself to receive in the way your partner can give without imposing yourself.

2. Soften up and slow down

We women are so competent and productive in the world and in our homes that we have a hard time softening up and slowing down when it’s time for dating and romance. We get so amped from all the multi-tasking – taking the meeting, running the carpool, hitting the gym – that we often exude masculine energy. That’s fantastic for getting things done but can make attracting a partner more difficult.

Instead, try being active, not ‘‘busy.’’ You want to show the world that your life is full and interesting, that you are independent and can take care of yourself but telling a man how “busy” you are may backfire, giving him the impression that you don’t have time for a partnership and that he (or a relationship) is not going to be your priority. If you have a full schedule and a man asks you out, don’t respond by telling him how busy you are and that you’ll have to “let him know.”

Instead, tell him, “I am super active these days, but I would love to see you,’’ and give specific times that could work for you, even if it isn’t until the following week. This will land much softer and show him that while you have a great and full life, there actually is room for him in it and that when something is a priority for you, you will make time for it.

3. Be self-confident and positive

You will attract what you think you deserve. Be?self-confident?enough to truly believe that you deserve the love you want. Respect and love yourself. Treat others the way you would like to be treated and treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others on how you demand to be treated. Don’t settle for anything other than kindness and respect.

Focus on the positive side of all situations. Even with frustrating experiences if you can see the silver lining, your femininity will shine through. The more you do this the more confident and positive you will become in your femininity, and the more likely you are to attract someone deserving of that. Look for the positives in every relationship and watch your personal success grow.

This doesn’t mean that you need to marry the first man that is attracted to you. Even if someone you are dating turns out to be not right for you or a relationship does not work out, if you can find something positive from the experience and learn from it for the future, this will only add to your confidence and positive energy.

How Maura Embraced Her Own Version of Femininity

After my client Maura went through a femininity revamp, she found dating to be a lot easier. When we set up her dating profile, she was wearing a gorgeous red, feminine dress with heels and had a genuine smile on her face instead of the stern look she was used to maintaining for work.

She met a man, Michael, and connected with his masculine energy and they have now been in a happy relationship for a few years. Michael mentioned that he noticed how feminine she was and even complimented her on the first date and shared that he liked her shoes. It turns out men really do notice those details. He was attracted to her femininity and fell in love with her as a person including her intelligence, hardworking nature, and determination.

Learn Why You Are Still Single and How to Change That

You can be successful and feminine but sometimes it takes actively cultivating and tuning into your feminine side to get the results you want in finding love. If you’re taking all the right steps but are still single and not sure why then click here for exclusive access to my free Masterclass,?Why are you still single?