In memory of my Grandma..

With a heaviness in my heart, I am finding some courage today to write about it. Though I know, expressing in words will still be difficult enough but I want to remember all that I am feeling in these times of turmoil and I know how important it is to write today more than ever before...

This year, the month of may brought so many may and may not along the way. The things which used to exist someday very far from now, I had no clue it will happen someday this soon. It was the 1st of May, 2022 7:45 pm in the evening when my grandmother took her last breath in my hands. This is the first time in my life that I have lost someone this close. I have observed her life turning lifeless within a few seconds and her last words uttered were just not to scream, she was ready to be free and in peace. No matter how much we know, how practical we are, how positively we try to calm things down, how much effort we do, how hard we try but when something is meant to happen it will happen this way or either that way for sure. There is something beyond our control and I never realized how important it is to let go ..even to the point when letting go has become a matter of survival now... To move on is as important as it is to being into life, to grow, and live...

From the moment when she was here sitting next to me, to this very moment when she is not here, and to all the void in between, I have never experienced this strange silence ever before. My grandmother was not just a person but a place of solace & warmth for me, she was an escape in the middle of a busy day, greeting her 'salaam' has never been unresponsive ever before and in turn, her blessings used to do wonders every time. I used to call her 'Nanimumma' & never ever a day spent without asking about her whereabouts. The last words I whispered in her ears were just to keep blessing me and the family as our divine angelic star because that's what she promised when she was alive too. I have asked her to take good care of herself in the other new world and on this beautiful journey to her heavenly abode.

Dear Nani, there are still a lot more days we all have to pass in your absence but rest assured there are still yet more days to come when I will be remembering you, everything about you, and all the thoughts where you will be fondly missed, you will be kept alive forever here and onwards.?

She will forever be my ground-floor 'go to' person. She has given me the reason for my very own life, my own mom & I want to treasure this throughout my life, she was so I am :)

I can understand only now how much strength she has endured in her life and I can now know how much we all have still to go through... This loss will be remembered forever and I just want to pray for the life to be lived with utmost happiness for all that we have left with. I don't want this heaviness to be heavy ever again at least not someday soon enough, let the wounds be healed, let the emptiness turn into words, let this void be filled with something afresh again, and let all the moments be lived at best and all I could remember at this moment is just an excerpt I read a long time back...

"All is well.

Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.

One brief moment and all will be as it was before."

Someone soon, someone later ~ someone waiting, or someone here?

we all are going to meet at the other end once again?

getting rid of all the pain.

Here I wish all the love and prayers for her departed soul, an ode to her beautiful soul, and an honored life with a happy ending. I will be cherishing all the happy times she was with us. I am sure, she will be embraced with love on the other side too.

For nothing loved is ever lost, & she was loved so much undoubtedly. ?

I pray to God to bless us all with a life well lived so shall the departing be in peace.?

To God we belong, to him shall we return. May we all gather strength to love, to give, forgive & share the kindness with everyone we met & yet to meet on our journey ahead, pledging to make this world a better place here and now.

With love and regards,

a granddaughter (Zuha Husain)