Memories of Minerva (MOM)

My mom's eulogy from almost 9 years ago. On 2024 Mother's Day, I have been thinking a lot about how my mom lives in my spirit and my daughter Ava's spirit.

Ava was named after my mom. My mom's nickname was Ava, and when Shanita and I were thinking of names, we landed on Ava after going through a number of options. Ava is an Aquarius like my mom and she is a combination of humor, hustle, and heart.

When you think of your mom, what comes to mind?

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Minerva Guinto Rapatalo. 83 years young.

Things may not have been easy for mom in her later years, but she lived a rich life. Mom always talked about family. "Blood is thicker than water." Mom and dad had seven of us. SEVEN. In 16 years. And eight grandkids. That's quite the legacy. I thought long and hard about the three things that best describe my mom, and I came up with three H's: Hustle. Humor. And Heart.

HUSTLE - Mom went through a LOT of hardship in her life. Her father (my grandfather) died when she was five. Her mother and older sister died within a month of each other when she was a teenager. She watched her brother die of tuberculosis. Out of hardship came a relentless fire to do whatever it took to live a fulfulling life. My mom's first hustle was meeting my dad. She'd tell the story of how she met my dad. "You know, your dad had his pick of women! I was singket (one of her eyes was much smaller than the other). Your dad started talking to me but I told him that I would only date him if he stopped seeing the other women."

Momma don't play that! Mom and dad married in 1959.

Fast forward to 1970, dad came to America to find somewhere for the family to live. Mom and my six siblings came to America in 1972. The land of endless opportunity. We lived in a three bedroom apartment in East Flatbush. Dad worked as an accountant but my mom was the CEO of our home. She also started a couple of side jobs. Selling bras, vitamins, Tupperware. Mom knew we didn't have enough space for a family of nine. And East Flatbush back then wasn't the safest neighborhood. My dad was shot in an attempted robbery when I was about three. That was the turning point to get a home. Off we moved to South Ozone Park, Queens to a corner house!

Mom realized that she needed a new hustle. The vitamin/bra/Laserdisc hustle wasn't enough. She studied to get her nurse's aide license and started doing that for nearly 20 years. She worked graveyard shifts for years. Even after working 12 hour 7pm to 7am shifts, mom would come home with blueberry muffins from her favorite diner in Manhattan or chicken and salad from the spot near the Kew Gardens train station.

Hustle never stopped the Rapatalos from eating!

HUMOR- Mom had a biting sense of humor. Biro biro lang - it's just a joke was definitely something we all heard a lot growing up. Sometimes we laughed. Sometimes we were stung. More on that in a bit.

Mom would hide behind our front door to surprise my dad when he came home from work. When he rang the doorbell, she would ask me to answer the door while she hid. She would grab him from behind after he came in. Then she would kiss and hug him. I laughed because he always seemed startled despite the fact that mom did this frequently. I guess we learned this behavior from mom because our family enjoyed scaring each other because we would pop out of closets to startle each other.

Mom went to church religiously every Sunday. She always got lunch prepared before noon mass and gave us explicit instructions not to eat until she got home. Now self control around food has always been a Rapatalo soft spot. When mom got home....uh-oh. She must have said every other curse word and then said loudly, "Somebody is the greedy eater and the mugger here." This became our fave mom phrase. It was hard not to imagine a combination of Grimace and the Hamburglar eating lunch at our home. When one of my brothers confessed, let's just say that what my mom said afterwards wasn't so nice. I didn't have an appetite after all of that shouting.

Now to 2011. It was the first time mom met Shanita. Mom had just recovered from a stroke but her sense of humor was still in full force. She was the mayor of the adult facility, introducing us to two memorable folks. One guy would rock back and forth so when mom would talk to him she always asked why he moved so much. One woman thought every woman looked like Shirley Temple and asked if we would pray for her. To top it all off, I decided to sing karaoke (where there are Filipinos, there is a karaoke machine!). I started singing fill in the blank healing. Shanita looked at me with consternation which led my mom to comment, "Doesn't he sing well?" I think my mom was actually half serious.

HEART - Our family didn't have a lot. That didn't prevent my mom from becoming a one woman loan shop. She had an old wine box where she kept track of all of the family's finances. Now I don't know how much my mom leant, but she wasn't often paid back in full. I recall her grumbling about that. But she had a special place in her heart for people in need, especially other Filipinos.

Mom also had a special ability to be friends to others who were difficult to get along with. Mom gave tough love. In Brooklyn, we would say she didn't BS. There was one particular friend who was particularly difficult. Now I don't remember details but mom was often on the phone with her. Listening. Giving advice. When this friend passed away my mom says she got a call from her before she knew she had passed away. "Eva, I'm on the other side. Everything is ok."

Mom's heart came out most when it came to her family. I'm still not sure how she raised seven of us after my dad passed, but she did. Mom and dad talked about their sweat money to buy the house in Queens that was their physical legacy. Mom pushed us hard to do well in school. If it was school related and I could make a good argument, mom would give us the money for it.

Mom lived for us. I can't think of anything more grand.

Mahal kita, mom. I know dad and Jess are happy to see you.