Memoirs of GB Episode 58: The Bipolar Needs that drives our Life

Over the years the realization for most of us is that our needs go from one end to other extreme meaning our needs become bipolar. We start from the self-centric need to the most generous one i.e., thinking beyond our needs.

There are 3 pairs of bipolar needs that drive human life, they are

1.?????Certainty and Uncertainty.

2.?????Individuality and Connectedness

3.?????Having and Giving

Most of us get tossed between these bipolar needs because when one need is satiated, the other is starved. Then, you focus on satiating the latter.

First Bipolar :?Certainty provides order. Uncertainty provides growth. Both order and growth are needed to complete life. And that's the first need. You want certainty. So, you try to achieve certainty by trying to control everything around you. Now, when your life becomes completely certain, when things become predictable, you become bored. That's why you lose interest in a work that you know you can handle.

So, while you want certainty, you simultaneously also want a certain amount of variety, which comes only out of uncertainty. You need surprises and challenges for you to feel fully alive. Too much certainty is boredom. But with too much uncertainty you become extremely nervous and concerned. You again seek a degree of certainty. Two sides of the same coin but you keep toggling between the two sides, causing a roller coaster ride in the flow and rhythm of your life. When I started my career, my need is to sustain me as a valuable contributor to the organization. I want to be certain of my results and not to try out uncertain things in the job but as I moved up in the ladder, I realized that people who take unambiguous and uncertain goals of the organization and strive to achieve them make it to the top and not the people who want certainty and risk averse.

Second Bipolar:?As a physical being, you are the only one of your kind, absolutely unique and individualistic. At the same time, as a spiritual being, the spirit of life that enlivens you is also the same spirit that enlivens all. So, spiritually you are connected to one and all. Both individuality and connectivity are needed to complete life. And that's the second bipolar. Thinking one in all and all in one.

As a unique individual, you need identity. You need significance. If you don't find the right ways to feel significant, the sheer desperation to fulfil this need might even propel you to choose wrong ways to feel significant. Some people try to stand out by developing extreme problems that set them apart from others. From dressing in certain ways to carrying a certain style, all stem from this need. But, when your trumpet is too loud, others will begin to withdraw from you. That's why you lose out on relationships; at least, people begin to distance themselves. Now you feel separated. Now you feel lonely and isolated. So, you crave for connectedness. You want to be cared for and cared about. You want to feel one with the crowd. To meet this need, you join a fraternity or a club. Once you feel connected, you will again feel as if you have lost your own identity in a crowd. And the seesaw of being tossed from one need to another only continues. The best way to balance is to focus on your passion and do things which you enjoy doing as an Individual and focus on team effort if it’s a collective goal for the organization to succeed. Always put your organization interest first, followed by the team’s welfare and finally your self-interest. Individuality best achieved in connectedness, your team must appreciate your leadership and generosity to share the credit with all.

Third Bipolar:?Life is a flow, and this flow is achieved through possessing and sharing. Both having and giving are needed to complete life. And that's the third bipolar. The need to have and the need to give; the need to consume and the need to contribute; the need for accumulation and the need for renunciation. The toss is between selfishness (instinctive) and unselfishness (conscience). And the oscillation is between being spiritual in giving and being materialistic in having. I believe in personal wealth creation to sustain the life necessities and unforeseen situations like that of medical emergency, First create your personal wealth, a self-sustained life for you and family and then focus on building the social capital. A social capital is to give 1 or 2% of your annual income to the good cause or cause which is close to your heart. How many of your friends, family, colleagues will come to your rescue during health emergency. Will they even contribute a minimum of 1000 Rs? It’s a bi-directional question, did you ever give and built your social capital to ask for when you are in need. Encouragement, Likes, Awards, goodwill etc. if they don’t turn into social capital then you are just living in a bubble. Start Giving, Start Helping and build a network to help each other during emergency.

While everything you do will be tossed between these bipolar needs, if you can find a few activities in your life, which fulfils all six needs and gives you that balance in life, you will discover a new zeal in life… That's the secret to a complete life.

Godspeed

Dinesh Chandrasekar DC*

P.S: All views expressed here are my personal views and opinion and have no bearing to the organization I work

?