This Simple Metaphor Melts Way Stress and Has the Power to Heal a Toxic Work Environment

Optimism was dwindling, pessimism was growing, and staff were leaving. She needed a fix – FAST.

The HR director told me how her organization’s team dynamics had changed. “Allison, a year ago, it was a great place to work. Now, it’s toxic. Most days I’m a referee between three internal teams: the executives, the sales reps, and the customer service agents. I’ve done all the typical team building and professional development programs. I’m out of ideas, please help.”

Her story wasn’t unusual. It’s easy for any team’s interpersonal dynamics to slip into unhealthy ruts when the pressure is constant.

The solution to their strained workplace dynamics was my simple metaphor called the Ice Cube that Became the Snowman. It’s a fun way to quickly visualize how stress is building and how to stop it.

To explain this concept, first I’ll share her customer service team’s story. Next, I’ll outline the concept, and then I’ll explain how this simple technique I imagined when I was in the thick of my burnout inspired them to create a more productive and harmonious workplace.

How a Toxic Workplace Builds

When we started working together, the customer service agents had a high volume of tasks to complete. Their role was pretty straightforward but broad. They processed orders, coordinated deliveries, and fielded client calls.

They’d been so busy for so many years, they hadn’t updated their systems to optimize workflows. Often, executives or sales reps popped into their office to assign new client files or check the status of existing ones.

The heavy workload wasn’t the cause of destructive stress and toxicity. The human dynamics swirling around the intense workload and inefficient systems were to blame.

The team started crafting increasingly negative storylines, which intensified undesirable emotions, which resulted in unfavourable behaviours, which led to spinning in a downward spiral of destructive stress.

The drama built slowly and compounded over time. One off-handed comment here led to another complaint there.

As executives or sales reps left their customer service office after interrupting the team, an agent would say something derogatory about them such as, “That guy is clueless. We have so much work to do. He thinks everything is about him. I bet he’s in a hurry because he’s going to play golf again.”

That triggered everyone else to pile onto the negativity. “Yeah, he’s having fun while we’re stuck here doing everything for this company. This place would crumble without us. No one in this building has any respect for us. They just waltz in here, throw stuff on our desks, and expect us to drop everything to deal with their issues. It’s not okay.”

The team's negativity drained resources, hindered productivity, and did nothing to fix the real problems. Some of what they said was true, but a lot of it was an exaggerated interpretation of reality.

Since the quality of storylines determines the quality of emotions, naturally they felt resentful, unappreciated, overwhelmed, unseen, unheard, and used. ?

Those undesirable emotions led to behaviours such as gossiping, being passively aggressive, procrastinating on priorities, and blaming everyone else rather than taking personal responsibility.

The customer service team members regularly called in sick to avoid the day’s drama. The agents started making more mistakes. Having to fix files fuelled even more frustration. The company’s positive reputation was at risk and that intensified the friction between the fractions.

??That’s a lot of angst to wrap around a day’s workload. No wonder the vibe had become toxic, and the HR director was at her wits’ end.

The destructive stress was overwhelming; it felt too daunting to solve.

This is when my Ice Cube that Became the Snowman metaphor came to the rescue.

The Metaphor to Stop Stressing Explained

There are four main factors that contribute to your overall stress levels. Those are your mindset, emotional intelligence, personal responsibility/discipline, and productivity.

If stress was an equation it would look like this: Tasks + (Storylines + Emotions + Behaviours) = Your Stress Experience

When I burned out, trying to fix ALL aspects of stress felt very confusing and complex. I needed a solution to visualize my stress in an instant, so I would know why I was getting overwhelmed and how to deal with it as it was happening.

That’s why I created the metaphor.

Here’s How the Ice Cube that Became the Snowman Metaphor Works

Imagine the tasks you have to complete are ‘ice cubes.’ 10 tasks equal 10 ice cubes.? Your job is to be productive by melting each ice cube as efficiently and effectively as possible.

It’s easy to be productive when you melt one ice cube at a time with no fuss, no muss.?

Unfortunately, that’s not how humans operate.

Human dynamics– storylines, emotions, and behaviours – are added to every task. It’s within these three factors you have the power to intensify or relieve your stress experience.

For this metaphor, imagine three mounds of ‘snow’ sitting beside your to-do list.

• 1??The first pile of snow represents ‘storylines.’
• 2??The second pile represents ‘emotions.’
• 3??The third pile represents ‘behaviours.’

When you go to melt an ice cube, you’ll automatically grab some snow from each pile to wrap around it. Since there are three mounds of snow, I always imagine three separate layers of snow are stacked on top of each other to build a symbolic ‘snowman.’ The original ice cube is stuck inside the snowman waiting to be melted.

Ice cube (tasks/issues) + Snow (3 aspects of human dynamics) = Snowman (your stress experience.)

The process of wrapping everything you do with thoughts, feelings, and behaviours happens consciously or subconsciously literally hundreds, even thousands of times a day within your life and throughout an organization. Imagine the compounding drain on resources when you wrap every task in its own snowman.

Completing tasks gets harder or easier depending on the quantity and quality of the human dynamics that surround each issue.

• Big, dense snowmen drain extra energy and resources.
• Smaller, lightly-packed snowmen are easier to melt.

Rather than remembering all of the modalities and complexities of personal development, my clients and I find it easier to say, “Just melt the ice cubes. Build smaller snowmen.”

Meaning, focus on the work, and stop adding so many unnecessary human dynamics to the issue.

Building Your Snowman of Stress

I’m not sure if you’ve ever built a snowman in real life. I’m Canadian so I have many times. It always starts with rolling the bottom snowball to act as the base for the snowman.

The Base – Words > Storylines > Mindset

For this metaphor, imagine you first take snow from your ‘storyline’ mound and pack it around the ice cube. The intensity of the words you choose and stories you craft about each task will determine your mindset.

• Storylines which are extreme, negative, falsely positive, or imaginary make a big and heavy snowball.
• Storylines which are neutral, objective, clear, and more accurate make a small and light snowball for the base.

The way you pack the ice cube with this first layer of snow is critical to the stress experience. It supports the next two tiers which will be stacked on top of it. If the base is big and heavy the next two layers will be as well.?

The Second Tier – Emotional Response

The middle layer of your snowman is built from your mound of snow that represents your emotions.

• Emotions which are disproportionate to the issue, misdirected from another unrelated issue, unprocessed or denied, are big and heavy.
• Emotions which honour reality, are processed effectively and regulated maturely are easier to melt and drain fewer resources.

The Top Tier – Behaviours

And finally, the third and final layer of your snowman is built by using snow from the mound that represents behaviours.

• Behaviours make a big and heavy snowball when they block your optimal performance and default to repetitive, unhealthy patterns.? Examples include worrying, judging harshly, and being disorganized.
• Behaviours which make a small and light snowball empower you to do your best work and be at your best. Examples include being kind, focused, and following through on healthy boundaries.

The ice cube stays the same until you melt through all the snow to reach the core issue nestled in the base layer. The drain on energy happens because big, dense snowmen are built unnecessarily.

Often people try to stop destructive stress by focusing on the top tier – by fixing behaviours. All that does is knock the head off your snowman. It can alleviate pressure temporarily, but the only way to truly stop destructive stress and eliminate toxicity in the workplace is to deal with all three tiers of the snowman successfully.

The Customer Service Team’s Application of the Metaphor

The customer service agents used the Ice Cube that Became the Snowman metaphor as a visual guide to stop destructive stress.?

They weren’t able to be productive because they were accidentally making simple tasks such as starting a new client file harder with their negative storylines, resentful emotions, and disempowering behaviours. They were consuming extra energy to melt through three big, densely-packed tiers of snow they built around each task.

They adopted a new team motto, Blast Through the Snow. They wrote it on a whiteboard in their room and drew a huge snowman with a tiny ice cube inside of it as a reminder of their commitment.

Whenever tensions started to rise, they asked each other two questions.

• First, “What’s the real ice cube that needs to be melted?”
• Second, “What’s the snow we’re unnecessarily packing around it?”?

By being self-aware of their patterns and choosing not to wrap a negative storyline around each ice cube, they didn’t pick up extra angst-filled snow from the mound labelled emotions. Since they felt better, they did not pick up extra performance-draining snow from the mound labelled behaviours.

For example, when someone walked in with a new file, they simply looked up and said, “Thank you.” There was barely a snowflake wrapped around the task. They imagined it was just another ice cube on the pile; their job was to melt it with no fuss, no muss.

And just like that, they built a smaller snowman.

This more productive, focused approach to doing their work without so much personal-capacity-sucking destructive stress, freed resources to strategically deal with legitimate frustrations, fix ineffective workflows, and heal from the damage done after an intense year of toxicity in the workplace. ?

Five years later, the team is still using the Ice Cube that Became the Snowman metaphor. They’ve maintained a toxic-free workplace, even throughout the pandemic. ?

All it took was one simple solution.

Putting the Ice Cube that Became the Snowman Metaphor into Action

Today, identify three tasks complicated by human dynamics. Note each ‘ice cube’ and any ‘snow’ packed around it.

To work with me to discover how to make smaller snowmen, please visit my website to book a call with me. https://allisongraham.com/contact

For now, the first step is to see how this works, without trying to fix anything.

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Have fun imagining ice cubes being wrapped by snowmen. I'd love to hear your observations - please add to the conversation in the comments.

To have me train your team to implement this solution send me a DM or email me to book a quick call. I offer keynotes, leadership retreats, training programs, and group/1:1 coaching.