Melissa Rubini Smith discusses entrepreneurship, Scott Simon outlines why you should do one thing that scares you, and it's about to get reinvented

"Start with yourself, that’s number one, decide what you desire, and make a plan the way you would a business plan—but for your life." In this installment of You've Got This, Melissa Rubini Smith shares her journey and the eclectic experiences that have shaped her coaching practice and business approach, and special guest Scott Simon discusses what inspired him to write his recent book on embracing what scares you to break through obstacles.

This installment is special to me in another way, as well: after 4 incredible years at LinkedIn, I'm going to be taking the next step in my own career journey, joining a startup where I hope to share more information on it soon. This newsletter will grow and change as well to be a personal newsletter, so stay tuned for future developments! And until then, thank you for being a part of You've Got This.

Victoria: "How has your eclectic background studying psychology, photography, fashion, and entrepreneurship shaped your professional experience?"

Melissa: "It is quite eclectic! When I first started in psychology, I was so young at age 17, I couldn’t see myself being able to help people without life experience. This was back in Brazil, where I am from. I decided to move to New York and study photography and fashion. It was supposed to be 3 months and ended up being a long-term decision! Firstly, I feel that my background in psychology combined with photography and fashion, always had a link to working with women. And secondly, it was learning about yourself, being your best self, and how to design your life in a way that is aligned with your desires and goals. So, throughout every single career that I've had, that thread of working with women, and finding a way to optimize your life to your dreams, has been a thread. I think that’s what links it all and brings me full circle to today, where I’m coaching, mentoring, and helping women to start their own businesses. And bringing that background in marketing and entrepreneurship has been extremely valuable.?

When I first came to New York, I was supposed to spend only a few months. But I ended up having opportunities I couldn’t say no to. My first job was at the New York Times, and T Magazine was still Fashion of The Times under Amy Spindler. My work was very much researching all over the world how fashion, trends, art, and pop culture were influencing fashion. So, we would travel and do photoshoots in places like Berlin, Moscow, and Tokyo. Whenever something was happening politically in a place, we’d see what else culturally was happening. That’s where the marriage between photography and journalism started. And from there, I started working with Prada, a 7-year relationship where I did consulting and styling for them. It was extremely rewarding. The level of talent in producing the campaigns with Steven Meisel, David James, Pat McGrath, Guido, and Fabio Zambernardi as the design director—made me fall in love even more with fashion. It was the perfect transition between the New York Times, which was a serious and journalistic publication, to Prada, very artistic but intellectual in a way.

During that time, I also consulted and worked with several brands, always involved with style but also working in branding and how to translate the vision of the brand to the current situation in the world, what people were looking for, and how to make that link. So, during that time, I worked with Apple, Bergdorf Goodman, and other brands such as Anthropologie, Kohls, and so on. A full spectrum from luxury to more popular ones, helping them find their style and their voice. From freelancing, I was invited to start working at InStyle Magazine as their Fashion Director. InStyle was very much a red-carpet celebrity magazine back then, and they hired me to help update the brand. It was a full redesign of the magazine and a full re-launch. The website and social media channels were not being explored yet back then.

"It was such an amazing project because this was right when digital, social media, and trends were growing from just celebrities to influencers and street style. InStyle had the biggest audience in print, with the highest amount of products being purchased per issue after we redesigned it, but for me what was rewarding in the process was finding ways to translate high fashion, which was very much my background, into trends and lifestyles that could be consumed by the everyday person."

And how to bring that idea, that they could infuse their life with style, to feel confident: whether at an event or work, bringing that wish of helping women feel confident, and aligning their lives with their desires. I worked for about 4 years at InStyle, and it was a beautiful phase of my career, in bringing the magazine to life again and launching the website and social media. We created the InStyle Awards to give out awards within the industry—stylists, makeup artists, hairstylists - bringing those people to the front of the lens, where before they were behind the lens and not as celebrated. So that was my fashion progression, and when the then editor-in-chief, Ariel Foxman decided to leave InStyle, I knew that phase was complete for me, I stayed for a year to help with the transition, and then I started my new phase - consulting for companies like The Honest Company with Jessica Alba and having my businesses."

Victoria: "Was the founding of The Mayfair Hall in 2021 perhaps inspired by the focus on interior design and home improvement that so many felt during the pandemic? What's your own personal lens on curation and design?"

Melissa: "It was a happy coincidence. The Mayfair Hall was already in the process of launching before the pandemic. We launched in January 2020, and the pandemic started in March 2020. But before that, for six months in 2019, I was already redesigning my own life, thinking about myself as a woman what I wanted for my life, and what would be rewarding for me to have as a business. So several things played into that. And that is where I created my feminine entrepreneurship and leadership theory which I teach in my coaching.

"I flipped the process upside down: usually, you go straight into starting a business, and for me, it was about looking at my life and finding a business that would fit my life, the life I desired to have."

The Mayfair Hall is a perfect combination. I wanted the freedom to work from home, or anywhere in the world, so it had to be a virtual business. I also wanted to be involved with home, women, and the curation of style, but fashion was a little too close to what I was doing before, so design became the next step after fashion. I wanted freedom from a set schedule. As far as curation, I had my eye so trained already for colors, textures, and harmony in putting things together in a way that looked good, that The Mayfair Hall became an intuitive call for me to curate. It’s very much how I decorate my home. I also noticed that from a woman’s perspective, home decor stores are mostly directed either to interior designers or a very transactional thought process....where you look for a dining table, you look for a chair. And it’s not so much a feeling of what you’re trying to accomplish while you’re designing your home when it comes to lifestyle and mood. The curations at The Mayfair Hall are very much based on that. Monthly, we launch several collections, around editing a variety of houses - from furniture to lighting to dining and decor pieces. It gives the interior design thought process within the curation, and my customers love that.

The other characteristic that I found in fashion but not in design stores, is that there’s a very present thought process of high and low in fashion. So you might spend a lot of money on a luxury handbag, but then you buy a very cheap t-shirt. Or you might spend a lot of money on shoes, but your loungewear might not be as expensive. And in home design, unless you hire an interior designer to do that work for you, I wasn’t seeing stores having a high and low thought process. So I wanted to bring that together: at The Mayfair Hall you see a very wide price range, and it’s not depending on the quality of the pieces but how especially made they are. We have more affordable pieces of furniture still with good quality and design, to Lobmeyr, which is an Austrian glassware company that serves royalty and embassies around the world whose pieces are absolutely gorgeous. Or Los Encajeros—which is a heritage brand from Spain for linens where everything is so beautiful, they were founded in 1880. What I intend is for you to have the freedom and ability to combine things in your home in a very personal way and not just so it looks like a page in a catalog.

The way I developed my vision was with 2 main lines going parallel: one was my thought process coming from fashion, which looks at interior design not as a static thing that you do once and then it’s done but it’s something that’s always evolving, personalized and based on your lifestyle, and two, with the approach of how I decorate my home, I don’t like to go to one brand and buy everything at that store, so my home would just look like that store’s style. It is all focused on style and the way that it looks and feels, to optimize my life. If our lives were a movie, our home would be a set, the background, where our life happens. With The Mayfair Hall, I always say it’s about helping people make their everyday life beautiful. It’s not just a place to sit, but a dining chair can be where you spend time with friends and family and have dinner with great conversations. I started with the thought process that I wanted to put my life first before starting the business, and then curating the business that makes sense with that scenario. That philosophy extends to my coaching and elsewhere. It starts with you. You decide how you want your life to be, and from there, everything around you evolves.?"

Victoria: "Your work as a coach and mentor is framed through the lens of 'aligned and feminine entrepreneurship.' What does that mean to you, and how do you recommend others apply these principles towards their work to optimize and boost their success?

Melissa: "I’m a woman, I am a mother, I’m a wife, I'm a CEO, and I am in so many roles at the same time. Throughout my career, I found it quite hard to be able to combine all the roles I wanted to have as a woman - having time for my family, and my relationships, taking great care of myself, and being successful in business too. So having it all was always on my mind, and I haven’t always been able to combine all the elements necessary to feel fulfilled and successful. I could be successful in business, but perhaps my relationships weren’t going well, or I wouldn’t have time for my daughter. I could be doing great things but feel completely burned out. It just did not work and I saw so many women feeling the same frustrations and going through the same difficulties. I believe that the work dynamics and leadership styles as a whole were created in a masculine way, by men for men, and it does not necessarily work for women when they are trying to combine so many roles in their lives. After leaving InStyle, I broke it all down and started from zero—by looking at my life, defining my priorities, defining what my values are, and what success and having it all means to me.

So, for anyone who’s at a phase in their career where they are unhappy or thinking about starting a business or if they are ready for a new phase in their lives, for change, for a shift, a reinvention, I’d advise you to stop and think about what you want in your life first, what do you really want. I could have chosen to have given myself even more to my job, get a promotion, get a raise. But that would not have been fulfilling. A lot of us fall into the trap of climbing the ladder, to feel successful and happy. For me, it wasn’t about that next step up but was very much about breaking everything down and looking at all the possibilities I had. I went to Harvard and did their Innovation and Entrepreneurship program, which helped me a lot. I looked at myself as a startup. My life, my being, I was starting again. I was bringing elements that would fit this life while at the same time creating new ones. With entrepreneurship combined with a feminine leadership approach, what happened for me and my clients whom I’ve helped reinvent their lives, optimize their lifestyles, and transform their businesses and careers, is noticing that it is possible to shift your life to what you desire it to be. And it is possible to do it while having more ease and pleasure in life. I help you create your way of being successful, of having it all. When I broke all the rules was when I actually found much more success and fulfillment than I was having before, when I was trying to follow this thought process of promotions, raises, bonuses, following what looked good or was approved by society.

"So think about what you want for your life first of all. And it’s not that you have to quit your job or break your life into pieces to start at square one, but removing yourself from your life and taking a few days to really think about what is working and what is not working, what makes you happy and what doesn’t, where you want to put your energy, what talents you want to share with the world, and looking at your life as a bigger thing than a monthly salary or getting everything done and your emails down to zero."

When you think about that broader view, then you can start to focus back in and make choices based on an aligned plan. Perhaps it is time to start transitioning to another job or start your own business. If you are happy at this job how can you change certain things in your life to make everything fit better or how to set boundaries to add more joy to your life? Start with yourself, that’s number one. Decide what you desire, and make a plan the way you would a business plan—but for your life. That's what I help my clients with, helping them become immensely successful in life and business."

Follow Melissa on LinkedIn.

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When I heard about the title of Scott Simon's book, Scare Your Soul, it grabbed my attention right away! His mission statement of being a "happiness entrepreneur" was pretty unique as well. I had the chance to ask him a few questions over email and learn more about what inspired this bold title (and mission statement). Read on for his answers.

Victoria: "Can you share with us your professional background and the experiences that led you to becoming a "happiness entrepreneur?"

Scott: "Absolutely. Let me start by inviting you to picture yourself walking down a long, sunlit hallway in a beautiful art museum.? At the end of the hallway, you find yourself standing in front a towering sculpture glimmering in the afternoon sun. You are in absolute awe. It’s huge, impressive, stunning.

Many of us believe – for us to be happy and successful – that we need our lives to be just like that sculpture. We try like hell to make our lives look impressive, stunning, flawless. We create resumes, social media profiles, and social lives that look perfect. And we secretly beat ourselves up when the inevitable flaws show themselves. This is a recipe for life-long misery.?

Instead, I like to think of sculptures as existing INSIDE the block of stone BEFORE the sculptor even trains her chisel on it. Already inside exists this vibrant, amazing work of art. And the artist’s job is to chip away at the excess stone to reveal it. That is the REAL story of our lives!?

We all have inside of us a life that is vibrant, brave, vulnerable, audacious … and the way to bring it to life is NOT to add to it (with other people’s approval, material possessions, items of comfort) … but to chip away the calcified stone of shame, past traumas, and toxic fears. The cudgel that accomplishes that task???

Courage. I know personally because the stone around my audacious interior sculpture was locked solid through years of negative experiences and low self-worth.?

I grew up as the shortest and shyest kid in my school … and I was the unfortunate victim of two bullies who preyed on my introversion. They flung me in circles and sent me off into the bushes (dislocating my arms twice). They attacked me with metal reflector poles. They yelled 'loser' so many times that the word bore its way deep into my own identity.?

At home, I hid the bruises. Instead, I turned inward.

By the time I entered Orange High School, fear and anxiety had taken an even stronger hold. Lunchtimes were the worst. Nervously navigating my way through the tables full of kids, I would seek out just one welcoming glance that would save me from eating my lunch all alone. Most every day, I ended up doing just that.

I felt lonely, embarrassed, and unworthy. By eleventh grade, I couldn't take it any longer and sought refuge in Gilmour Academy, a small Catholic school in my hometown. And when college came around, I followed the same pattern of escape. I fled the socially adventurous Tulane University in New Orleans and took refuge in Skidmore College in Upstate New York.

I remained hopeful that some new location would somehow change my life. Change me. But change couldn’t come from a new city or school.

"As I would learn soon enough, real change is an inside job."

It took me five years to finish college, and I still felt the pang of unworthiness. Unlike most of my fellow graduates, I had no job waiting in the wings. No plan for what would come next. In a desperate move on my behalf, my father called in a favor with an old friend. That call produced a single opportunity: a job teaching English to elderly Holocaust survivors in Israel. Somehow, in an exquisitely-rare moment of bravery, I said YES.

Then, on the airplane trip high over the Atlantic, I had an epiphany.?On the flight, I had a panic attack. The old tropes came back in full force: how could someone shy like me do something brave like this? I am going to fail so hard!

"Then, in the midst of the panic, I wrote eight simple but life-changing words into my spiral-bound journal:?“Do one thing every day that scares you.”

For the next year, I chose one act every single day that pushed my comfort zone in some way. Small acts. Like saying a new word in Hebrew. Smiling at a stranger. Going to the post office and mailing a letter for the first time. And each act created momentum. Confidence. Enthusiasm.

By the time that year was over, I had become a fear-chaser.? I have been on fire ever since.?I have studied with some of the greatest thought leaders and academics in the field of positive psychology, co-founded a 'happiness incubator,' gave a TEDx Talk about pleasure and meaning, married a couple in the middle of a raucous bar, guided surprise parades through office buildings, led happiness and courage retreats around the world, and have guided thousands of people toward how they can get happier through one simple practice:?Doing one thing every day that scares you."

Victoria: "How did your initial fear of singing inspire you to start this movement, and what do you hope readers take away from the book?Scare Your Soul? "

Scott: "Have you ever had an authority figure tell you something about yourself that stuck for years??Decades. I did. And confronting the demon on my shoulder gave birth to the movement. Let me explain.

I was 10 years old and practicing with my fellow fourth-grade classmates for our annual choir concert. Our substitute choir teacher, decked out in this garish floral shirt, gave me one solo line to sing. There was a problem though: every time the choir got around to me and my solo, I literally couldn’t sing. I was nervous and my throat just closed up. It happened once … then twice. On the third time, he stormed toward me, telling me (in front of everyone) that I clearly couldn’t sing and that I should just 'mouth the words for the rest of the year.'

I didn’t sing again. For 35 years.

Then, after earning a certificate in positive psychology with Dr. Tal Ben Shahar, I decided to flip that script. I brought an acoustic guitar down to a busy restaurant on a Sunday morning when I knew it would be packed with a brunch crowd.?And I sang in front of the group of strangers.

I was terrible!?But it didn’t matter. What DID matter was how I felt:?powerful, joyous and free!

I wrote one Facebook post about that experience, and the post went viral. By the next day, I had people around the world asking me to help them do something brave in their own lives. That’s when Scare Your Soul got its wings and started to fly. So, for six years, I have helped people quit unfulfilling jobs, start their own companies, leave toxic relationships, get married, launch innovative social projects, hold space for tough conversations, bring their art into the world, begin healing from past traumas, reconnect with lost friends, and free themselves from the burden of anger and bitterness. The book is the collection of all of the wisdom from those experiences. Essentially, it is a roadmap for a courageous life."

Victoria: "What are some small steps that anyone can take towards living a more courageous life?"

Scott: "Great question!?So many people think that courage is something BEYOND them. It is what 'other people' do.

"But the truth is: every single day, there are opportunities to step out of our comfort bubbles and do things that will grow our confidence and introduce us to a life we would not know otherwise."

Here are just a few things that I always suggest when people ask how to start:

• Commit to one small act every day: consistency builds the courage muscle, so put a post-it note on your bathroom mirror that says 'I am going to Scare My Soul today.' Then find one moment during the day when you feel the inevitable butterflies in your stomach or tightness in your chest. That’s when you step into that momentary discomfort and push ahead.
• Celebrate small wins: I have a 'courage journal' that I keep by my bed. Just like a gratitude journal, I record one way that I was courageous that day. I let the feeling of pride – not matter how small the act – sink in. And I feel a sense of pride! I also ask myself: What did I learn or gain from my action? Almost always, it is something great.
• Start with relationships: I always suggest that people use curious connection with another person as a great way to start. Buy a coffee for a stranger and have one minute of curious conversation with them. Smile at five strangers in a day. Ask someone that intimidates you out for lunch. Ask for help from someone.
• Rely on your choir: your 'choir' – as my mentor Maria Sirois once taught me – is your group of ride-or-dies. Those people who love you unconditionally. Feed those relationships, and keep them strong. And call on them when you need them most: when you need a boost of courage.
• Finally, adopt a simple attitude – screwing up is sexy: our Scare Your Soul movement has collected data on people’s most prevalent fears and fear of failure tops the list every single year. But, to grow and progress means that we are going to inevitably fail. A lot. So, as much as possible, remember that failure is the road toward flourishing. Don’t focus on the outcome of your brave acts; instead, be proud that you took action!"

Follow Scott on LinkedIn.