Melbourne Council Bans Cars After Surge in Pedestrian Injuries

Melbourne Council Bans Cars After Surge in Pedestrian Injuries

By Stephen Coulter

Melbourne, August 14, 2024?— In a bold move, the Melbourne City Council has voted to ban cars from its streets due to a concerning rise in pedestrian deaths and injuries. The decision came after a year-long trial of car usage, which revealed alarming statistics.

The Pedestrian Epidemic

In the past 12 months, Victoria has witnessed a tragic increase in pedestrian fatalities. A staggering 51 pedestrians lost their lives, marking a 31% rise compared to the previous year. These incidents occurred primarily due to car-related accidents, including speeding, distracted driving, and failure to yield at crosswalks.

Dr. Sarah Mitchell, a trauma specialist at St. Vincent’s Hospital, expressed her concern: “Pedestrians are vulnerable, and cars pose a significant risk. We’ve seen devastating injuries, from broken bones to head trauma. It’s time to prioritise safety.”

Electric Scooters: A Safer Alternative

Interestingly, electric scooters have emerged as a safer alternative for short trips. Not a single pedestrian has been killed by an e-scooter in Melbourne during the trial period. Neuron, one of the leading e-scooter companies, reported zero scooter-related fatalities. Riders seem to navigate the streets with caution, avoiding collisions and respecting pedestrian right-of-way.

Economic Impact and Urban Transformation

As cars exit the scene, Melbourne plans to repurpose parking lots into green spaces and bike lanes. Lord Mayor Nicholas Reece stated, “Our city is embracing a car-free future. Let’s prioritise human lives over metal boxes. E-scooters and bikes offer cleaner air, reduced congestion, and healthier streets.”

Critics argue that banning cars is extreme, but supporters point to the positive impact on public health and urban livability. Meanwhile, e-scooters zip past, their riders smugly waving at stranded motorists. “We told you so,” they seem to say.

So, farewell, four-wheeled behemoths! Melbourne’s streets now belong to pedestrians, e-scooters, and cyclists. And remember, if you’re caught driving, you might just end up in traffic school.


Disclaimer: This parody is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes. No actual car ban exists in Melbourne (yet!).

Source: [The Guardian](https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/article/2024/aug/13/melbourne-e-scooter-ban-council-meeting-trial )

Ginnane Associates

Martin Ginnane Principal - Ginnane & Associates

3 个月

I hope that this heading remains as satire as I imagine some of the deaths have occurred due to pedestrians running across street at red lights, not using crossings and looking down at their phones. Banning cars totally would destroy economic growth in the Melbourne CBD, which in reality is currently very fragile.

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Elena Young

WHS and Public Safety

3 个月

This is a misleading article with twisted facts.

Nathan Dunn

Talk to me about creating your dream home

3 个月

What next! Ban people breathing? We have a toxic and poisonous culture of banning things in this country. Very dimwitted outlook and destroying peoples basic freedoms

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Darren Spangler

Health Safety Environment, Haz Mat, Property Risk, Training & OHS Consultant with NATA Accreditation Signatory and Licensed Asbestos Assessor (LAA)

3 个月

Keep pedestrians on the footpath and cars on the road so whats the problem. Bikes are the bigger problem

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Nicola Pittner

Global Clinical Operations Cluster Head Emerging Markets

3 个月

What a great initiative! Well done Melbourne council, this is a great move from both an environmental but also a tourist & pedestrian perspective

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