The Melancholy of Desire: A Psycho-Ontological Reflection

The ultimate melancholic experience is the experience of a loss of desire itself.

"The paradox of Coke is that you are thirsty - you drink it but, as everyone knows - the more you drink it the more thirsty you get. A desire is never simply the desire for certain thing. It's always also a desire for desire itself. A desire to continue to desire. Perhaps the ultimate horror of a desire is - to be fully filled-in, met - so that I desire no longer. The ultimate melancholic experience is the experience - of a loss of desire itself" (S.Z)

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Desire shapes us, that much is certain. It pushes us to seek, reach, and yearn. But what happens when desire turns inward, revealing its own hollowness? This isn't just about emotional suffering subject by default to the human condition; it's about a deeper, existential loss—the loss of wanting itself. This touches on something far more profound than temporary frustration: an unraveling of the self, a sense of existential collapse.

In the realm of psycho-ontology, where psychology meets the study of existence, we understand that desire is not merely a fleeting emotional urge but a fundamental part of being itself. Desire sustains us, weaving the fabric of who we are. To exist is to desire, and to desire is to remain entangled in a web of longing that defies completion. Fulfillment is an illusion, deferred over and over again. Our identities are sculpted not by what we achieve, but by this endless, restless pursuit of more.

Desire, at its core, embodies the main conflict that underpins every psychological force at its structural core. Freud saw it as a battle between conscious and unconscious forces, while Lacan argued that desire is always chasing something unattainable, something lost in the symbolic order of language and identity. Jung looked to the collective unconscious, where individual desire connects to archetypal longings shared by all. Different as these approaches may be, they share a common understanding: desire drives us, but it also torments us, embedding itself in every corner of our inner lives.

In psycho-ontology, we rather see desire as more than a psychological compulsion; it is an ontological necessity. It reflects the moral dimension of existence, questioning not just what we desire but why we desire at all:

The objects of our desire—be they material, relational, or spiritual—are secondary to the act itself - it's the compulsion to keep wanting.

Ethno-Psycho-Ontological perspectives further illuminate this by examining how different cultures—each a unique fluctuation of being—justify the desire of desire (DoD) in their own ways. Western capitalism commodifies this endless yearning, transforming desire into a marketable cycle of consumption and dissatisfaction. Eastern philosophies like Buddhism often portray desire as something to be transcended, yet the pursuit of transcendence itself becomes another form of craving. In indigenous and ancestral cultures, desire is embedded in myths, rituals, and communal stories, turning the act of longing into a collective dance that binds individuals to the cosmos and their community. Each culture, through its own ontological lens, molds this “desire of desire”, crafting narratives that justify, suppress, or elevate this relentless force, often in ways that appear comatose or devoid of inherent meaning.

But what happens when desire dies? The terrifying thought is that without it, we lose not only our objects of desire but the very self that chases them. Psycho-ontology asks us to face this emptiness, . In that silence, the self starts to unravel, and we realize that it is the wanting, the perpetual longing, that keeps us alive—but also holds us on the edge of our own undoing.

The loss of desire—when the drive itself fades—is not merely an end but a revelation of the illusion that sustains the self. Psycho-ontology invites us to confront this absence, to sit with the unsettling emptiness that lurks behind every ambition, every craving - to sit in that void where desire once burned bright, where language falters and the ego dissolves, we glimpse the ultimate irony of human existence: that it is the chase itself, the fevered longing, that keeps us alive and yet at loss towards ourselves and the world.

The haunting realization remains : our desires are not purely personal; they are sculpted by the ontological currents of our time, place, and collective psyche. We are urged to desire in ways that shape our existence, with each cultural and existential narrative acting as a subtle guide, directing not just our actions but the very structure of our daily conundrums.

To live, then, is to remain in this delicate euphemism: trapped between aspiration and annihilation, longing and loss. Desire keeps us moving forward, yet it is the very thing that ensures we never truly arrive. It’s a dance between wanting and never having, a tension that both defines and confines us. And yet, without it, the human psyche might just cease to exist altogether.