Meeting your partner all over again

You come home from work, you see your partner and you ask the cursory ?How was your day?‘, you wait for the answer and the same volley question and you respond as usual. Then you either wait for dinner or get ready for the gym or maybe even a call that you need to take from home. Does this sound familiar? I can say I have been guilty of having these kinds of conversations. A normal working week usually leaves little time to spend quality time together. For those who are on the road, this time is even more reduced with weekends being nothing more than a quick touch base with each other. This was the old order of things.

So where are we and what happens now? We have all gone from zero to a hundred. Limited contact to all in contact. Our days and routines have been all changed within a blink of an eye and for some that can be a difficult transition to make. Especially when it's not through choice. Don’t worry I am not about to suggest that its necessary to spend every single minute together but here are some of the things I would recommend.

1.    Communicate with each other. This sentence sounds so trite, but take this time to become reacquainted with your partner. Remember when you first got together and you would agonise over each conversation. Well, now is the time to take that renewed interest and time. It's not necessary to jump in the deep end as to all the things that have been going wrong, at least not right at the beginning, but talking more often will build up the rapport needed to be able to deal with the important conversations that are on the way. Communication is more than just talking so what can you do? The phrase ?actions speak louder than words has been coined for a reason, your partner might be hard at work for a few hours, so maybe you bring by a glass of water or a coffee or it is genuinely so bad that a glass of wine is needed. With over 80% of communication being non-verbal, now is the ideal time to improve those skills in understanding non-verbal cues. Is your partner muttering under his/her breath as they are schlepping out the rubbish? This might be the time for you to offer to do it the next time. There will be so many other opportunities, so it is time to keep your eyes peeled and ears open.

2.    Create a schedule for quality time, during the working day. It’s important to create a time where you aren't in the work zone and put your partner first. You have a call at 9 so ask your other half if they can either do breakfast with you at 8 or a coffee date or even lunch. The point is, make time, even if its 10 minutes. I'm not saying you can’t speak about work during that time together, but make it count. I fundamentally believe in the transferrence of energy, be careful with downloading all your frustrations on to you partner in that time. While you may feel uplifted after venting, it may have the opposite effect on your partner

3.    Accept that you will be annoyed to have someone in your space. This has nothing to do with how large your home is, but having another person around all the time means you see all their habits again. Annoying habits, that you are no longer used to observing will become pronounced. Don’t swear about it under your breath and don’t explode at your partner, even if it’s the millionth time you’ve said ‘close the cupboard’. Wait until it’s not so immediate and bring it up. Diffusing potentially explosive situations will be one of the most important tools in your kit. Annoyances can start small and can quickly escalate. 

4.    Are you listening? Not hearing but listening. We’re so used to multitasking that we often forget to really listen when our partner is talking to us. Simply put stop trying to multitask. Making coffee over a conversation works, I can ever hear my own voice saying things like ‘yes I’m listening’ when I know full well that I’m deep in chat on WhatsApp. The truth is that we have no real reason to be in a rush anymore, so tune in to what your partner is saying. Take the time to process what is they're saying. Who knows they may be asking you for something more than you realised. Maybe they news your support to make a large life change, maybe they have a hidden health concern or maybe they simply want to spend meaningful time with you. Whatever it might be, take the time because it might be your best time yet. 

5.    Time for fun. What do common interests do you have? Could you sit together with a glass of wine and listen to your favourite radio show? What about a board game or a crossword together. Finding a movie or a podcast to listen too or even cooking dinner together. This is a great way to relax together and reconnect.

I can’t emphasise enough how much we need to be smart in this time and to maximise it fully. It shouldn’t just be about getting through it, but rather building bridges, reconnecting and discovering yourself anew in your relationships.

Next up will be family life, this is especially close to my heart being a mum of two.  This is a little more complicated, but with a little work can still be rewarding. It is all about how you approach the situation. Using some of the techniques that I developed in the course of my career, have proven thus far to be priceless.