Meeting Resistance with Respect: A Personal and Professional Perspective

I’ve encountered resistance in many forms throughout my journey—as a coach, a leader, and even in my personal roles as a parent and a mentor. Resistance can look like a defiant child refusing to follow instructions, a team member pushing back on a new initiative, or a client questioning the process in a coaching session.

In the past, I used to see resistance as a problem—an obstacle to overcome.

Over time, I’ve realized that it’s not a problem at all; it’s a powerful signal, a doorway to deeper understanding, and an invitation to approach the moment with respect. ???

Resistance, simply put, is a natural response to perceived threat, discomfort, or change. It’s the human psyche’s way of saying, “Something about this doesn’t feel safe or aligned.” Whether it manifests as anger, avoidance, withdrawal, or skepticism, it’s a protective mechanism. And it deserves our respect. ??????

Why Does Resistance Manifest?

In my experience, resistance can arise for many reasons:

1. Fear of the Unknown: Change is inherently uncomfortable. When people don’t know what’s on the other side of a decision or action, their default reaction might be to resist.

2. Previous Negative Experiences: Past failures or betrayals often shape a person’s reluctance to trust or try again.

3. Unmet Needs or Values: Resistance may signal a deeper misalignment with a person’s core values, priorities, or needs. For example, a team member may resist overtime because they value family time.

4. Lack of Agency: When people feel they are being pushed or coerced, resistance is their way of reclaiming autonomy.

5. Fear of Inadequacy: Sometimes, resistance masks an internal fear of not being capable enough to handle the task or change being proposed. ??????

Clues That Demonstrate Resistance

Recognizing resistance isn’t always straightforward. It might show up as direct opposition, like saying “No” or arguing. But more often, it’s subtle. Over the years, I’ve learned to look for these signs: ?????

- Body Language: Crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, or leaning away can indicate discomfort.

- Deflection or Silence: Changing the subject or becoming unusually quiet might mean there’s unspoken resistance.

- Passive Compliance: Agreeing outwardly but not following through is a passive form of resistance.

- Over-Questioning: Excessive skepticism or repeatedly challenging the process can signal underlying hesitation.

Meeting Resistance with Respect

When I first began encountering resistance, my instinct was to push harder—to convince, cajole, or rationalize my way through. But I’ve learned that resistance isn’t something to bulldoze over. It’s something to honor. Here’s how I approach it now: ??????

1. Pause and Acknowledge

Instead of reacting to resistance, I pause. I remind myself that resistance isn’t about me; it’s about what the other person is experiencing. I acknowledge their perspective, saying something like, “I sense there’s some hesitation around this. Can we explore what’s coming up for you?” ?????

2. Stay Curious

Curiosity is my antidote to resistance. I ask open-ended questions to understand the “why” behind their resistance. For instance:

- “What about this feels challenging?”

- “Is there something that doesn’t feel right to you?”

- “What would make this feel more manageable or aligned?” ??????

3. Validate Their Feelings

People resist less when they feel heard. I make it a point to validate their emotions, even if I don’t agree with their reasoning. For example, “It makes sense that you’re feeling unsure about this, given your past experience.” Validation builds trust and opens the door to collaboration. ??????

4. Co-Create Solutions

Instead of imposing solutions, I invite them to brainstorm with me. When they have agency in the process, resistance often softens. Together, we find a path that feels right for both parties. ?????

Why This Approach Matters

Meeting resistance with respect isn’t just a technique; it’s a mindset that transforms relationships and outcomes. ?????

1. Builds Trust: When people feel respected, they trust you more. This trust deepens connections, whether it’s between a coach and coachee, a manager and team member, or a parent and child. ?????

2. Encourages Honest Dialogue: By respecting resistance, you create a space where people feel safe to express their concerns and vulnerabilities. ???????

3. Leads to Better Outcomes: Solutions born from collaboration are more effective and sustainable than those forced through. ??????

4. Reduces Conflict: Respectful curiosity diffuses tension and fosters mutual understanding. ??????

My Call to You

Whether you’re a coach, a leader, a parent, a teacher, or a doctor, I invite you to rethink how you respond to resistance. Instead of seeing it as an obstacle, view it as an opportunity. Pause, listen, and approach it with genuine curiosity and respect. ?????

And if you’re navigating resistance in your professional or personal roles and want to deepen your skills, let’s connect. I’d love to guide you in transforming resistance into a gateway for growth, trust, and connection. Let’s work together to create spaces where resistance is met with the respect it deserves. ?????

Sonnal Pardiwala, MA.ICF-PCC.