Meeting our psychological needs and improving mental health

I share a belief held by many esteemed psychologists that we can limit or maybe even stop the negative impacts our experiences or transitions can have on us by focusing on how we can better meet our psychological needs during them. So in this month’s blog I’ll outline, from a coach view point, how you might start to do this using two psychological models relating to our human needs.

I started life my working life with a leaning towards sciences, so I like a good model to help order my thinking, but I appreciate that others can be put off by hypotheses and theories published in research journals and the like. So if you are in this second camp please just think of these two models as a chance to skip a few steps because some very sensible people have already done some of the work for you.

Let’s start with what’s known as the SDT (Self-determination theory) developed by Deci and Ryan. According to this theory human beings need to satisfy 3 basic psychological needs to support their healthy development, engagement, motivation and wellbeing. These needs are, 

Autonomy – Our need to act as a result of a decision or choice that we have control over

Competence – Our need to be effective and feel or be told that we have done a good job 

Relatedness – Our need to be connected to and develop meaningful relationships with other people.

Research has shown that there is a positive impact on general well-being when these 3 basic needs are met and also that we often experience negative psychological consequences when they aren’t. If you think about times when you felt really good these 3 needs were probably all being met - agree? 

The second model I want to highlight is known as the Human Givens. This model was first outlined by Griffin and Tyrrell in the 1990’s and it is based on the idea that all human beings come into the world with a set of 9 innate emotional needs and that if these needs are met appropriately we follow healthy development paths along which poor mental health is very unlikely. These 9 needs are

Security – A sense of safety and security. Inhabiting a safe environment where we live without experiencing excessive fear so that we can develop healthily 

Autonomy and control – A sense of autonomy and control over the things around us and impacting us

Status – Being accepted and valued in the various social groups we belong to

Privacy – Having time and space to reflect on and consolidate our experiences

Attention – This need is ‘two way’ in that it concerns both giving and receiving attention from others. This is a form of nutrition for the mind

Connection – From our tribal natures, our need for interaction with a larger group of people and a sense of being part of the group

Intimacy – Deeper than just connection this is our need for emotional connectivity with some of those we are connected to e.g. friendship, love, intimacy and fun

Competence and achievement – Our need to recognise or have recognised by others that we are competent and achieve our goals. In short, that we have what it takes to meet life's demands

Meaning and purpose – Our need to have a guiding star, a purpose or clarity on where we are going. It could be through the things we do to serve others rather than ourselves but it gives us some meaning for our existence.

This list certainly made a lot of sense to me when I first learned about the Human Givens. I could recognise that these needs were being met during times when I was absolutely on top of my game and living my best life. I think the metaphor shared with us during that lecture about them helps to explain why.

If you consider a daffodil bulb and its needs you would probably come up with a list of soil, sunlight, and water amongst your list. If you satisfied two of these needs e.g. gave it the right amount of soil and water but left it in a cupboard deprived of sunlight, then the bulb would probably shoot and grow, but it wouldn’t achieve its potential because one if its needs wasn’t being met. Yes, it would do its level best with what it had been given but still wouldn’t match what other bulbs with all their needs being met could produce. I see our psychological needs through this metaphor and hold the view that if we can meet all these needs, we are giving ourselves the best chance we can to live happy and fulfilled lives.

That is why I believe these kinds of models can help us to pay better attention to our well-being. I think they are especially useful when we’ve experienced or been subjected to some kind of change in our lives. 

I’m sure many readers will have recognised that there is a high degree of overlap between these models (although I can’t quite satisfactorily map all 9 Human Givens to the 3 in the SDT). I believe this strong correlation gives them more credibility and substance. So how are they useful? 

I use them when coaching in conversation with clients, where I ask them to give a score to the degree to which they believe each of these needs are being met in their lives right there and then. Then we look at which ones they feel they would benefit from improving, going further to explore why they have scored how they have and looking for ways to positively move their scores over the course of our coaching sessions. This approach has been fundamental in having some hugely powerful conversations.

Now, I appreciate that coaching isn’t for everyone but I do believe anyone can make improvements in the way they manage their well-being and look after their mental health by paying attention to their psychological needs. There is just too much supporting evidence out there for this not to be the case. 

So, why don’t you have think about this for yourself? Take one or both models and simply ask yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 which of the needs are being met for you right now? Then look at the ones with the lowest scores and think about times when they were higher and why this was the case. Once you understand this, you can look for things to start doing in your current environment (even under the constraints of lockdown) which will allow you to better meet these needs and in doing so live a better, healthier and happier life.

 I’m no psychologist and as such I’ve probably overly simplified these psychological needs in sharing these models. However, as an accredited and qualified coach, I’ve experienced the value of helping clients structure their thinking and generate options using these models. If you’d like to discuss this further then please get in touch www.curiositycoaching.co.uk.

Alternatively please share any experiences you’ve had in working to better meet your psychological needs and improve your well-being by leaving a comment below, hopefully together, we can inspire others in these challenging times.