Meeting Anger with Calmness

Anger met with anger only leads to a full-blown brawl. When faced with someone's frustration, it's important to recognize that we often play a role in the situation. Instead of reacting defensively, we can choose to respond with understanding and composure.

Consider how many people raise children. We might encourage them to be outspoken, yet when they express their opinions, we sometimes admonish them. This contradiction sends mixed messages, because they are brought up in an environment where independent thinking is rewarded, yet when they express themselves in a manner different from their parents, chaos erupts. There is a better way—one rooted in patience and thoughtful communication. I know firsthand about this situation. I once got into an argument with a teenaged student that led to hot tempers and hostility. That was many years ago when I was a young teacher, only a few years older than this teen.?

After becoming a student of? Personal Development, I discovered a better way. The more frustrated and angry someone appears to be, the quieter and composed I become. I listen to the individual first, and then speak. Listening first fully focused on the words, demonstrates to the speaker that you accept that they have an opinion that may contradict yours, and that’s okay.? In addition, I take responsibility for creating some of the problem. Every individual creates a separate relationship with someone else. We may take on a different stance with each one we meet, because the other individual forms part of the image. We often see ourselves not as who we think we are; rather, we see ourselves how we think others see us. The lesson here is to put very little value on what others think of us. We must recognize that in every relationship, each person is part of the problem and can be part of the solution.?

Take the workplace as an example. An employer delivers a poor performance review, and the immediate reaction might be to shift blame onto others. However, in every relationship—professional or personal—we bear some responsibility. Rather than resisting feedback or complaining, we should reflect on our actions and develop a plan to improve. We can’t change others, but we can transform ourselves by changing our mindset.

By meeting anger with calmness, we foster growth, resolution, and mutual respect. Instead of fueling conflict, we can transform challenges into opportunities for understanding and change.