Meet People Where They Are: A Cheat Code for Relationship Building

If you've played a lot of video games, or have kids who do, you've no doubt heard about "cheat codes". They're little hacks to help you advance through the game faster and more effectively.

What if there was a cheat code for building relationships?

Turns out there are a couple.

Checking for alignment

Meet people where they are. Too often we go into relationships or conversations with a very set agenda. That agenda is usually only known to us and can catch our "partner" by surprise. We want to pull them into our psychosis and have them do the things we want done.

This can be all well and good, or it can be totally off-putting if we don't do the work to understand if what we want aligns to what they want.

It doesn't take much to understand people's dreams and aspirations. Just a few questions and a commitment to actually listening.

Understanding what drives their behavior

If you've been following me over the last couple of months, you know I'm on this kick about what drives behavior.

Why?

Because it is the most straightforward way I've found to align with people. Like, it's so easy...

• You can read a LinkedIn post or profile and tell what their primary driver is.
• You can see it in the way they dress, show up, and move.
• You can tell by what conversations they engage in, dismiss, and get super animated about.
• You can hear it in the words they use.

Fire is the easiest to discern. They want to win. They're competitive, ambitious, highly driven, and can come off a bit too intense. They will also be ready to take charge and often have a "my way or the highway" kind of approach. Unless they've realized the need to get it in check. Fire will look sharp, act sharp, speak sharply, and be ready to win both the battle and the war.

Water is pretty easy to discern as well. They're so focused on everybody else winning, pleasing people, and promoting group harmony, it's hard not to spot. They say "we" when they could mean "I".

Their drive to bond is so strong, they are willing to lose if others can win. They’re not super flashy dressers, but they definitely have a unique style that definitely includes comfort. You instantly feel included, cared for, and like you matter when speaking with water.

I’m not 100% sure, but it feels like the hippy movement was likely started by some VERY watery people ;-) I’m going to check with Jay Johnson and get his thoughts on this.

Earth people are all about defending the status quo, systems, processes, details…you know the things that can be REALLY important. So, they love the facts, fairness, and justice. You’ll hear them talk about change, but not the way an air person would. Earth folks aren’t as excited about it and will need LOTS of reasons to make it happen. Once you get them on board, they’ll be advocates for it…just bring the proof as to why it’s needed, and you’ll have them.

Usually the least flashy dressers of the elements. They think, act, and show up in a methodical fashion. Singularly focused on the task at hand, they’re not overly concerned about your opinion while they’re getting it done.

My air brothers and sisters can be spotted but you kind of have to know what to look for. They’re the ones who get super excited in conversation about ideas and innovations and are totally bored with gossip or the mundane. They’ve been there and done that. At the same time, if you’re talking about novel ideas, good luck keeping them quiet. You can see the starry far off look in their eyes when you don’t have their attention. It’s not that they’re vacuous, it’s just that their mind is solving other problems even if you’re talking to them.

Their dress is often pragmatic, or it could be overly flashy depending on how they feel about attention. Some airs are the center of it all, and others, not as much. Their primary drive is to learn so when you want to keep them engaged, be sure to stay focused on feeding their curiosity.?

How Can You Apply This Knowledge in Your Organization?

I'm glad I asked...there is a very simple process to integrate the elements in your organization.

1. Take the assessment. It's 10 minutes. The free version will tell you your primary driver and the paid version will show you how all four elements show up.
2. Setup a training session or six. We can help you really understand how to leverage the strengths of each element while covering up the weaknesses.
3. Take a deeper dive with one-on-one or group coaching. There are so many worksheets created to really help your team master individual aspects.

Let's chat about what works best for you!

I'm curious about how you relate better to others?

Share your tips, ideas and thoughts below...

#behavior

#relationships

#business

#growth