Mediation Minute: Emotional Outbursts

When engaged is disputes over high-stakes matters – for business or of a personal nature, many will resort to emotional outbursts. Sometimes this will be simply because of the pressure of the stakes of the negotiation while other times it will be an elementary attempt at showing strength, or power, in the negotiation. Unfortunately, it most often has the exact opposite effect.

Emotional outbursts will, in fact, limit and reduce one’s power in a negotiation for two reasons. First, a person in the midst of an emotional outburst will tend, quite frankly, to look ridiculous. Such a person cannot be feared so much as pitied and what fear you had previously inspired in your counterpart will diminish rapidly. Second, the outburst will tend to limit your options in the negotiation, going forward, as you have ‘shown your cards’ about what deal points are important to you.

Taking Advantage of Your Opponent’s Emotional Outburst

There are three key things to keep in mind when and while your counterpart in a negotiation is engaged in an emotional outburst – Keep Your Cool; Figure Out Why; but, Don’t Spend Too Much Time Figuring it Out.

First, remember to keep your cool. This is about more than simply remaining in control and not having an outburst of your own; it means that you should remain calm in the face of your counterpart’s outburst. Remaining calm will provide you with two tactical advantages:

-???????Nothing is more infuriating to a person in the midst of an emotional over-reaction than others who are watching calmly and not allowing their temperature to rise as well, thus, making the person having an outburst look even more ridiculous; and,

-???????Either your counterpart will believe that you are a fool for not getting riled-up, which is a tactical advantage for you in that your counterpart will be underestimating you, going forward; or,?

-???????Your counterpart will believe that you must know something that they do not know and, therefore, lead your counterpart to underestimate you going forward, which is another, though different, tactical advantage.

Second, you should try to figure out what it is that you said or did that drove the emotional outburst by your negotiation counterparty. Perhaps it was some deal point that you offered which will they believe will drive their business into bankruptcy? Or, it is their realization that the product of this negotiation will drive them to reveal a secret they have successfully held for a long time? Perhaps, it’s merely that they will be required to give on deal points that will cause them to lose face with a business partner, a spouse, or someone else?

Third, remember not to spend too much time trying to figure it out. After all, most emotional outbursts are the product of a deep-seated issue (or, issues) that stem from well before your current dispute arose and, quite frankly, will be there for long after such. There is no need for you to figure it out, especially if it will take too much of your time and distract from the job at hand – finding the greatest strategic advantage for you and/or your client while reaching an agreement that will end your dispute.

Don’t Try to Fake It, Else You’ll End up Making It ... Worse

Finally, given the potential of an opponent’s emotional outburst to drive certain actions on your part, you might be tempted to try to utilize a faux outburst of your own to your advantage. I strongly caution against this for two reasons.

Once begun, an emotional outburst can be a difficult thing to keep under control. Indeed, I have seen several times when what began as ‘putting on a show’ resulted in getting the showman riled up, themselves, and their losing control of their emotions – resulting in more than a mere show. These will end with all the negative effects discussed above and at little to no advantage gained.

Further, beyond the risk of your own loss of control is the risk of even a well-managed faux outburst driving others to lose control. What I mean by this is that some parties, when they are faced with an emotional outburst from an opponent, will respond with equally unreasonable positions, perhaps continuing a dispute that should otherwise be resolved or exercising leverage that they would otherwise not utilize – resulting in additional costs and inconvenience for you.

To Learn More …

For more tips on dispute resolution, please check out the other Mediation Minutes at –?https://www.coheradr.com/mediation-minute/