Workplace mediation, co-worker relationships...and the importance of ‘dignity’

Mediating when a personal relationship has ended between coworkers is often an interwoven web of complex, overlapping issues all existing within a highly pressurised environment. To suggest that it is possible to only 'stick to the work-related stuff' in these cases would be quite naive. In fact, if we drew a Venn diagram of personal and work issues, there would be more overlapping than separate. Luckily, in most cases, HR Managers are quite insightful and realise that these won’t be typical workplace mediation involving only professional relationships.

In most cases, when you separate, you don’t see your ex all that much. However, when you work together … you do – especially if you’re in the same team. In these situations there are so many things to think through – stuff about how the parties related together as a couple that might be unresolved, stuff about the separation and feelings of regret, anger, blame. Then thinking specifically about the future – how can the parties work together and build a productive and effective working relationship. Some mediators might tend to try to focus exclusively on the latter topic, but this often proves to be short-sighted. If the other personal issues aren’t allowed some air to breathe and resolve themselves then they will almost certainly surface again soon.

What can help in many cases, after much of the complexity is on the table, is a discussion about dignity. I’m a massive fan of this concept to bring to hand the positive aspirations that people make about themselves and others. Inviting people to reflect on how their future selves would look back on this time is powerful; identifying the elements of their behaviour that allow them and the other person to get through this difficult period with as much dignity intact can be a very helpful way to look at things. Making this exercise even more powerful can be writing it down – it de-escalates the emotions coming about from just thinking and speaking, and lets people develop a tangible and concrete plan in black and white.

Suddenly feelings of ‘I shouldn’t have to do that, I don’t want to be pushed around’, become ‘I can see it’s important for them….and me. Ok’.

For more information about our Workplace Mediation services, please email [email protected]