The Mechanics of Imperfection

“I am a perfectionist and I worship at the altar of effort. Somehow, I accidentally initiated myself into the world's bitchiest sorority and the hazing never stops.”

-Me (A Year Ago)

“You know, perfectionism is just another word for insecurity.” A dear friend shares this nugget with me. I know, and let me take this one step further.

Perfectionism is just fear of failure on the shoulders of wanting to be a very good girl, in a trench coat, hoping to buy a ticket for an R-Rated movie.

It doesn’t matter whether the show we want to watch is “success,” “acceptance,” “community,” or something else. Like the proverbial two kids giggling and stumbling their way to the ticket booth, perfectionism is not sustainable. It is a poorly cobbled contraption made of yarn and popsicle sticks. It will break down after causing plenty of mishaps.

After Awareness

They say awareness is the greater part of the battle. I disagree. Awareness is a critical catalyst for the battle, the call to arms. Actually, the battle is mostly staring at the problem until you figure out how to solve it. But how? It seems like this phase can last between two and eight business years.

Friction

Chris Bennet runs the game design thinking research group out of the Peace Innovation Lab at Stanford. Game Design Thinking "combines game design, behavior design, and neuroscience to find ways that we can measurably improve lives" on a big and small scale.

The game design thinking methodology includes many helpful tools including core engagement loops, which help you map the experiences, emotions, and actions from the initial assessment to the final reward. But what about negative experiences? Hate crimes have corresponding loops. Mapping them shows us where and how to halt the process.

This concept of friction as a positive was new to me and has since informed the way I think about changing my own habits.

There are multiple ways to add friction to the perfectionist behavior loop. Some are simple, watch Ted talks like this one. In terms of the perfectionist bicycle, this is like throwing gravel on the trail.

Other instances are extreme. I'm biking along, but then the Toyota Corolla of Survival honks and pulls up beside me. But once my basic needs are once again secure, you know I'll be back on the bike in no time.

Stopping the Bicycle

I sat down and thought about my core behavior loops when it came to perfectionism. We have a lot of tips for people to make their work product better that have been reinforced from a young age:

• Spend more time
• Think more deeply
• Review for mistakes
• Think about why it is important to do a good job

The loop for low quality has been bandied about since the beginning of time. But it is not a universal answer.

When I think about my perfectionist loop, I notice one thing. I go from observing needs to imagining the best solution in under two seconds. Even if I don’t have all the details worked out, there is at least a hazy shape of what perfect would look like and emotions attached. The path towards my goal is excellent not just in terms of where it leads, but how each brick is laid.

It would be cool if I stopped doing that. It would cut out a major distraction in my process. Maybe one day, I will have proven to my subconscious that my take on excellence is neither here nor there. More on that later. For now, though, I am focused on gumming up the works and backtracking away from that initial project high.

Here are my steps:

1. Write down what you need to accomplish. What would make your efforts a success?
2. Acknowledge that somewhere in the back of your mind perfection is already taking up space, but don’t give it any attention
3. Imagine yourself accomplishing this outcome while doing the bare minimum. Write down what this looks like, tactically. (Note: At this point, I usually jump in and tell myself that there is simply no way that something this crappy would have the result I want. Ignore this and move on to the next step.)
4. Now, gingerly walk in the direction of quality. If you add a little artisanal pride to your work what happens? Is the result the same? Are there additional benefits? Are these benefits certain or potential? Or do they just feel good?
5. Finally, uncork that perfect version. Write down what it looks like, no matter how over the top. Live jazz band, footnotes, visual aids, brilliance that requires sunglasses to withstand. Write down how it would feel to have these add-ons. Pretty Darn Awesome.
6. Review what the goal was in step one. Then, look at the bare minimum and the solid middle. What will the solid middle realistically provide that the bare minimum will not? Is it worth the time?

Remember, if you want to feel good, do the bare minimum and then do something that will actually make you feel good. You should not be trading time for positive feelings.

Final Step:

Choose one of the options and agree to yourself that what you create will not be the sunglasses, jazz, fantasy version. Remind yourself that this is not your last opportunity to prove to yourself and that you can make awesomeness a reality.

Why write three versions? Personally, it’s a lot easier to choose between three things than two. It prevents me from applying a black-and-white, right vs. wrong mentality where it is not useful.

This is my perfectionism, it may differ from yours, but I bet you can add some friction too.