Measuring a Fulfilling Life: Insights on Values, Purpose, and Connection

Dear Tony,

How can I measure a fulfilling life?

It’s a profound question, one that has inspired philosophers, scientists, and seekers of truth throughout history. Finding meaning and living a fulfilling life is not just about reaching goals—it’s about aligning your actions with your values and purpose.

In my work as an executive coach, I guide leaders toward their ultimate potential while ensuring they also lead balanced, meaningful lives.? A definitive answer has challenged humanity since Aristotle’s time, and it remains as vital today as ever.

To help provide guidance, I turn to two brilliant thinkers: Dr. Jim Loehr and Dr. Arthur Brooks.

Dr. Jim Loehr, founder of the Human Performance Institute, emphasizes the importance of measuring your life with the right metrics. Many people default to an extrinsic scorecard that focuses on wealth, status, power, or physical appearance. While these can provide temporary satisfaction, they rarely lead to lasting fulfillment. Instead, Dr. Loehr champions an intrinsic scorecard built on values like honesty, kindness, empathy, courage, and fairness.

Here’s a practical exercise to try:

• Search for a list of aspirational character traits.
• Select 5-10 that resonate most deeply with you.
• Each week, reflect on how you’re living out these traits.?

You may be amazed at how often you encounter opportunities to exercise your “character muscles.” Over time, this practice can transform not only how you see yourself but how you impact the world around you.

Dr. Arthur Brooks of Harvard Business School has spent years studying the keys to happiness and fulfillment.? According to Dr. Brooks, a fulfilling life is grounded in four pillars:

1. Faith or a Higher Purpose: Whether through spirituality, mindfulness, or a sense of awe, connecting to something greater than yourself brings clarity and resilience.
2. Family Connections: Deep relationships with loved ones provide a foundation of love and support.
3. Friendships: Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you.
4. Contribution: Find ways to serve others and make a meaningful impact. When your work or actions contribute to a cause bigger than yourself, life becomes richer.

Dr. Brooks also stresses the importance of doing things with people you love. Fulfillment isn’t found in isolation but in shared experiences and the bonds we cultivate.

In my own life and coaching practice, these principles form the cornerstone of finding meaning, happiness, and fulfillment:

• Use an intrinsic scorecard to measure your life.
• Define your purpose and revisit it often.
• Spend time with the people who matter most to you.
• Serve others and connect to something larger than yourself.

A key insight is this: Fulfillment isn’t a destination. It’s a journey. Life is like a river—sometimes calm and clear, sometimes turbulent and unpredictable. But as long as you navigate with intention, guided by your values and surrounded by those you love, you will find the journey itself rewarding.

Keep striving, reflecting, and growing. You never “arrive”—and that’s the beauty of it.

-Tony

• Check out my website for more: The River (https://www.therivercoach.org)?
• Got a question? Send your question directly to Tony at [email protected]