Meanwhile, at the corner table..

-Why did you snap at the kid in the elevator?

-He was fiddling with the buttons and pressing all floors, delaying everyone.

-But just the other day, it was the same you who gave a lecture to the man in the supermarket, saying that little boys should be naughty so as to have a healthy overall development.

-Yes, I still stick to that. But this boy was not naughty, he was simply misbehaving. And his parents had the cheek to keep smiling as they watched their monkey’s antics.

-So, it’s actually the parents you were angry at?

-Maybe. But yes, I don’t like that man, now that you ask me.

-Why? Do you even know him well? What has he done to fall in your favor scale?

-I don’t know. I just don’t like his body language, the way he walks with an air, the way he drives his car out of the parking lot. I think he is an idiot.

-But you have similar opinions about most people, don’t you?

-Huh? What do you mean?

-Well, you don’t like the teller at the bank, or your secretary’s mother, your daughter’s boyfriend, your boss’s wife, and coming to think of it, more or less - anybody and everybody you know.

-No, that is not true. I do like some people.

-Well, extremely few people I would guess. As goes your apathy for places, professions, weekdays, weekends, institutions, rituals, politics, economics, cinema, philosophy, science.. and so on and so forth. You invariably manage to find faults with everything around you. Have you noticed that?

-There is nothing to notice. If something is faulty, it needs to be pointed out without a show of affected appreciation, because doing not so would be hypocrisy.

-Do you realize that this habit of yours has alienated you from the whole world?

- Has it? Well, so be it. Which world btw? The world that apes science, the world that fakes philosophy or the world that worships religion? Those are three different worlds, no?

-Maybe. But answer me which world among these three would you need ?

-Why does everything have to be measured through a yardstick of need?

-Because you are a student of science who has a weakness for philosophy and who has some deep questions on religion.

-Do you believe in God?

-Is that a question, or an accusation?

-A simple question. Do you or don’t you?

-I used to. Now my rational mind revolts against bowing to miracle theories that I cannot touch.

-But you used to be a God fearing man, no?

-Yes, I have stopped fearing God, because I do not feel that connect any more.

- Is it because of some disappointment or that you have just fallen out of faith?

-I never analyzed it. Maybe both. I fail to connect myself to my purpose anymore and I don’t want to hoodwink myself into believing some shoddy magic or an illusion of some bearded old man sitting in the sky and someone who shall reward me for being good & punish me if I am not.

-Do you remember your childhood?

-Yes, vividly so.

-Do you remember rainbows after thunderstorms, or scattered reflections in dew drops on morning leaves?

-Yes of course. I loved those.

-Didn’t it occur to you then that those were illusions? And they served no purpose in your life?

-Why? That’s a very selfish notion. I loved them for their beauty and their magic, I never thought about their purpose.

-Then why did you trade your magic and your illusions for purpose?

-Maybe I got tired of pursuing happiness or the notion of happiness that people seek in faith.

-Why do you say so? Don’t you want to be happy?

-Well, no. Not always, at least.

-Do you realize that you just said that you don’t like being happy?

- Hmm. Yeah, I am not a fan of happiness that comes disguised as pleasure. I think that is pseudo happiness.

-Do you know the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic?

- What?

-A psychotic thinks that 2+2 equals 5. A neurotic knows that 2+2 equals 4, and THAT is precisely what disturbs him.

-Interesting.

-So do you think you are a psychotic or a neurotic?

-I would say I am both.

-And why do you say so?

-Well, one part of me doesn’t believe in God, happiness, laughter, people, friendship or love. And there is another me who understands that the world can go on without purpose, but not without an illusion.

-That’s a nice statement from the second you – that the world can go on without purpose, but not without an illusion.

-Yes, we all need an illusion to live. Just like we all need heartbreaks and disappointments and despair and sorrow to embrace life.

-And what is life?

-The bundle of ectoplasm in between psychosis and neurosis.

-And what lies on the third side? Who is the third you?

-You.

- Right. We should do this more often.

-Absolutely. Do you need a drink?

- Make it double, on the rocks. For all three of us.

=============================

(From 'Bereft', my 2018 short story collection

Btw - The sequel to 'As You Life It' is on its way for a November release. I have received some very encouraging feedback from people who previewed it. I hope you will like it too.

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