Meaningful to Meaningless - Life for me

Life is like a big adventure, full of moments that can be super important or just plain simple. I used to think that everything in life had to be really special, like a secret code waiting for me to figure it out. I was always on a mission to find meaning in everything, from my achievements to the friends I made. It wasn't a bad thing; it kept me excited and gave me a clear path to follow.

But then, I started realizing that most of the meaning came from what I already knew, not from discovering new things. And in those meanings, I felt stuck in my past. There was no sense of freedom.

Simple acts like looking at a tree or someone's smile, I was always searching for a deeper meaning. The more I looked for meanings, the more I thought I knew about the world, but strangely, I felt more closed off. Letting go of always needing to find meaning made me nicer. I started looking around with aww, like a traveler enjoying the world for a short time.

Without me even realizing it, the search for meaning turned into a chase for perfection and always having a purpose. Meaning, for me, came with a feeling of knowing, comparing myself to others, and often feeling rejected because my meanings didn't meet certain standards.

I kept wondering, what if I could replace this constant search for meaning with something else? Where would I find more joy – in finding meaning or simple awareness.

The answer was clear for me – I wanted to appreciate and savor the gift of awareness I have, even if it meant embracing moments that seemed meaningless and without a specific point.

Giving up the need for constant meaning didn't mean giving up on my dreams. It was more about being okay with not having a big reason for every little thing that happened. It was about letting myself chill and enjoy the simple things without feeling like I had to explain them.

This change wasn't always easy. People often say we should always be achieving something big and looking for meaning. But I realized life doesn't always have to be so serious. Going from finding meaning to just watching life has been like a journey to freedom. It's not about giving up on the things that matter to me but making room for fun surprises and giving life more chances.