The Meaning of Respect

As time goes by, sometimes the true meaning of some words can get lost or diluted. What was once a very appropriate term for certain circumstances often becomes a “generic” reference - and as a result, we may lose great opportunities for learning and growth. I think this has happened with the word RESPECT.

Sometimes when we feel a certain admiration for someone, we label that as respect. We may admire someone because of what they can do, what they have achieved or how they interact with others – and we say we “respect” them, or we have “respect for” them. And really, we should all be so lucky to have just a handful of those kinds of people in our lives!

I think however, as leaders, we really need to examine what is meant by this word – respect. I think we can all stand to grow by really thinking about what it means and how it can have an impact on our lives.

When people’s interactions reside within our expected scope of behavior, we say they are showing respect. When people interact in way that is outside of our scope of expectations, we often say they are being disrespectful.

In other words, we have taken this notion of respect and have made it all about us and our perspectives about how other treat us, and how we treat each other.

Although it is important that we treat one another in a courteous manner, respect is something much more powerful and complex.

The original meaning of the word respect is “to look back”. Now what does that mean? In reality, we could go pretty deep on this meaning, but the goal here is simply to get us thinking just a bit more. 

If we have respect for someone, it means that we are willing to look back beyond their position to understand what makes up their belief system or perspective. It is a willingness to look at the cause of a person’s state. It is a willingness to look back on where the person comes from (the source). And this is where things can go deep depending on what one’s interpretation of someone’s source means.

This interpretation brings about a whole new dimension because it does not speak to admiration, agreement, or like-mindedness. It does not even speak to politeness. It simply speaks to an understanding and awareness of the source and the journey of each individual.

One of my mentors for example, grew up with a speech impediment. He struggled in schools and ended up a high school drop-out. He then went on and started a cleaning business in Pittsburgh. He has since created four different multi-million dollar companies.

My respect for this gentleman is not simply an admiration of his current position. I have respect for his journey and the source of his current beliefs, behaviors and outcomes. In other words, it is not success that garners respect; Respect resides in the beholder's ability to “look back”, “to see back” and see the source of the individuals journey.

So what does this mean for a leader?

Respect requires an empathetic view.

We are what we believe. What we believe is based on our life experience. Since every person on this planet has a unique experience – we have to view and appreciate one another as individuals. We must understand that we did not choose that which has been impressed upon our beliefs early on. Most people roam this planet every day without giving a second thought about the source of their belief system – not because they are bad people, but because they are not aware of the power of the unconscious mind. They are simply reflecting the beliefs they have carried with them throughout the years. As leaders, we should always remember that in our interactions with others – and be respectful of that in others.

The amount of respect we can have for others is limited by the amount of respect we have for ourselves. In all of my mastermind sessions and in the Four Movement Principles program, I go into great detail about the importance of mindset, and being aware of our belief system and how it has been developed over time. If we don’t have this basic understanding of what is responsible for our current mindset, behaviors and outcomes – how can we be understanding of the same in others? Mindset is the principle lever in growth and leadership, and it hold true in the area of respect.

Giving respect does not require respect in return. If someone is not showing us respect, it is not a reflection on what they think of us. It is an indication of their level of awareness and what they belief about THEMSELVES. It is a reflection. To show a lack of respect in return is to deny yourself growth. It is denying yourself a higher level of awareness and insight. Every time you view another person beyond their circumstance and begin to understand what makes that person who they are – YOU grow as a person. Do not deny yourself that opportunity.

I want to share three things that you can do to make it easier for others to see and respect who you are.

Understand that it is not about talent, skill and ability. - I have seen many people with a ton of talent – who get little respect from others. Leadership is a skillset that has to be practiced and applied. Focus on continually growing yourself as a person and as a leader.

Be willing to stand alone in your beliefs – People can see the foundation of your belief system when you show a willingness to sacrifice on its behalf. It’s not always easy, but integrity is a gateway to respect.

Adding Value to Others - When others do not show respect, often our last inclination would be to invest time and effort into them. But, when we add value to people, they grow, they become more aware. They are more likely to see what you are about. Remember, respect cannot be given or garnered without investment and personal risk. That is how we grow!

As leaders, I hope we can all take some time to think into the notion of respect and give the word its respect! Let’s look back at where we have come from and respect ourselves and our story. Let’s begin to look at others the same way.