Meaning of NO - a quick reflection

The past week has been tumultuous. The continuing diplomatic standoff between Russia and allies of UK and USA, the ongoing ball tampering case in the South Africa-Australia cricket series and noble laureate Malala Yousufzai returning to Pakistan for the first time since her shooting in 2012. There are lessons in all these incidents. Maybe as a cricket fan, the ball tampering issue caught my attention the most. It held significant lessons for me.

At the start of the test series, it was a very combative Steve Smith, captaining a very talented “we go out there to win mate” team. The first test match win boosted the Aussies but then came the downfall at the end of the third test match. Irrespective of the punishment given; watching Steve weep during the press conference hurt me. He is an outstanding cricketer, a super captain and seemed to be a “good bloke” otherwise off the field. It brought to focus issues of ethics, team culture and talent management – all gone wrong. Did no one apply their minds to what they were doing?

Earlier in the week, I met my mentee and offered her a new role, that I felt would delight anyone. To my utter surprise, the opportunity was rejected. At one level, I was astonished that an opportunity of a new experience and learning was being thrown away; at another level I was angry, frustrated and confused. I realized I wasn't angry at the individual but at my inability to anticipate a conflict. I watched my mentee getting emotional, which I had never seen before. When stakes are high, opinions are divergent and emotions run strong – it’s an opportune time to have a crucial conversation. Talking openly, honestly and effectively was my best approach. The only way to move forward from this awkward situation was to confront and convert each other’s data into a pool of common meaning. Equally important was the need to create safety, as I know that too often employees hold back for fear of dealing with someone in a position of power. As we discussed cause, effect and options of the choices we started with, I realized her concerns were genuine. I also realized there were more options that could be explored for her development, as I involved some of my direct reports into the discussions. In a very short time, we could find a quick AND solution - an alternative challenging assignment for my mentee while being able to expand the current role of another mentee to take on the original role in question. We have all moved forward happily. Which now brings me to the original discussion on Steve and many common threads from my personal experience.

Accountability of team culture : Steve accepted that, as the captain, he was responsible for the team’s culture. Every cricket captain and business leader is accountable for the team’s culture. “I don’t accept anything below this level of behavior and I demonstrate it every day” – is the norm to set. It’s the shared meaning in the team – both overt and covert. It’s the leader’s stake in the ground and he/she chooses to either enhance the experience or reduce it below ground level. The leader serving the team is valued. How he/she manages talent is watched very keenly by everyone all the time.

Winning at all costs : Winning matters. Everyone wants to work for a growth driven business. Show me anyone who is thrilled to be in a de-growing business ? Just like cricket is a gentleman’s game, the world of business is filled with talented men and women, most of whom are very clearly ethical in their conduct. It’s a pleasure working with such individuals. The ends can’t justify the means. Everyone would have been delighted if the Aussies had won a fair contest. Our team experienced a positive experience as we did not force a decision on a young talent to prove that this was all about power or position. 

“I disagree” : For me it meant stop, step back, and don’t run roughshod on team members. The need for safety among young talents is a high priority. Safety in the team delivers greater value that a “my way only” approach. It also means mutual respect for the dialogue. Did anyone tell Steve and Cameron that they were going wrong trying to forcefully create reverse swing for the bowlers ?  

“You don’t get it” : When dealing with millennials, this is not an insult. It only means that they want to be heard, want to be coached and mentored to find the experiences they are looking for and then get out of the way. Wish Steve had played the same role for young Cameron to show him what not to do; and as leaders, we must do the same. But then this isn’t about millennials only. Every generation at the workplace comes with the passion of changing the world for good. #FOMO is a big need to be addressed. So focus.

Being inclusive : No one has all the answers. Keeping the ego in check and being humble is critical in a crucial conversation. Seeking advice and building alliances with multiple allies is a skill and capability of effective leaders in creating the right solutions. Who did Steve discuss the ball tampering plans with ?

Crucial conversation or a difficult dialogue : This is a MUST skills for all leaders. Like any other skill, this can be acquired. I have been fortunate enough to learn it and practice it as often as possible. It always works for me. It’s OK to agree to disagree. Never give up in the face of a difficulty as it can be turned into an evolving opportunity. Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland would have used similar skills in dealing with the scenario.  

This is a journey. My mentees, other team members and I will be better from this experience. Overall the team will be better off in the long term and this is a great story to share. I do hope it’s the same with the Aussie cricket team too. And I am sure the time has come for the Americans, British and Russians to have a crucial conversation :)

Views are personal. To know more about Crucial Conversations : https://www.vitalsmarts.com/crucial-conversations-training/