Me or You?

Being in the helping profession tends to give others the green light to turn us into their personal social worker. Being a business owner tends to give others their personal rite of passage to have us work for them free of charge, create and run their business for them and do all the hard labor. Our kindness at times gives some a pass to bombard us with their problems and at times we do not mind, but then there are those that pack all of their mess-up into big bags and dump it at our doorstep with a demand for us to clean it up for them and then they go on about their business without a care in the world, but with assurance that "you got this", you do not mind, you have no business or your own to run, you have no life, you are not a part of the Covid crisis and you just go outside and pick $100 dollar bills from the tree to stay in business, keep a roof over your head and food on your table. Let me share a little story with you:

I have a neighbor that seems to only speak to me when she is in trouble, and I never seem to stop helping her. About 1/2 weeks ago I invited her into my home, put aside all the task that I had before me to assist her.

Last week As I exited my door to get on the elevator, she ran to the elevator to get inside with me, followed me up the block and began showering me with her problems. I turned, looked her in the eyes and said “did you know that all week I have been taking the express bus way downtown and back just so that I could study in peace for my social work license. The other day when I was on the bus heading back uptown, I found myself crying for my mother because her anniversary in heaven is soon approaching which happens to be 2-days before her birthday (July 11) and while I am sad without my mom, she is the person that's standing tall next to God giving me the strength to quit smoking on her birthday after 40+ years. I have so much that’s playing in my head right now, but I know that I must keep it together to be able to help myself and others out in the world.” This was her response:

I got served with an eviction the other day and blah, blah, blah. Still, I held how I was feeling inside and asked ~ how is that possible when I have already helped you to complete the New York State Emergency Rental Assistance Program and they have an eviction protection clause that landlords cannot serve tenants with evictions or refuse to renew their lease. Then I asked her to show me the email confirmation that she should have received when she submitted her application. Of course, she could not find it, but still my willingness to help I offered to take her over to housing court to stop the eviction as I have done with many others. She responded that she did not feel like going today.

Finally, I am getting my cup of coffee and she follows me back to my home in my ear bombarding me with her problems, yet compelled to still help, I let her in, put her on my computer so that she could look-up the status of her application. She responded that she did not know her password and I suggested change it and that she could always change it back. During this time, I am on the phone with the representative to further assist her. Guess what? She refuses to change her password; the representative can find no application on file for her. She put the phone down stating that she was going to look for her password and never returned. The representative had already confirmed what I knew (she never submitted an application).

This had not been the first issue with her, I have helped several people get into the CITY/FEPS housing program so a portion of their rent could be paid each month and none of them had any problems, but her (my neighbor) she goes and when I asked her what was the outcome, she responded she was denied and when I asked her why she said that she does not know.

Yesterday morning as I was heading out to get my coffee, she asked if I would come with her to court, and I told her NO and here is what I also told her. “I do not work for you and in case you did not hear anything that I shared with you about how I am feeling, my struggles, preparing to quit smoking, etc. And because over the years I have extended my hands to help you, but that is not what you want which your unwillingness to help yourself makes crystal clear and you seem to only speak to me when you are in a crisis and guess what? I had enough of you, you are very toxic, and I would deeply appreciate it if you stayed out of my space. I have people that need my help and I have myself that needs my help. Good luck to you and good ridden.”

There had been a time in my life where I would have felt bad about my decision, but not anymore because (1) my doctor warned me that if I did not get my blood pressure under control I am heading for a stroke, (2) I value my time and for those that don't they will no-longer be getting it, (3) and the scale that the lady is holding is really me each time I weigh-in the question "me or you"? and today and every day moving forward I choose me. I am not able to do my best work and follow my passion to help those that want and appreciate my help whenever I fail to help myself. Today, I pride myself for being a great leader that's taking back control of my life and the choices that I make in my life.

I want all my subscribers to remove yourselves from those that you find toxic, those that want you to do their work for them, those that attempt to make you their personal social workers and dumping disposal sites. Do not feel guilty about your decision, instead ask yourself "me or you".