This is Me!

Have I had a tough life?

Yes I have! Do I dwell on it and feel sorry for myself? Not anymore.

Let me tell you my story and explain why!

I guess you could say I became trouble on the day I was born. I was 6 weeks premature and my dad was told by a Consultant that he would try and save my mum, but there would be no hope for me. However, that was on the 7 November 1974 and what a surprise i’m still here (just). From that day on, little did I know then, but I became a fighter and I never give up. Little did I know growing up, but being born so prematurely caused me to have a heart problem, but this wasn’t detected for many years.

I spent my teens swimming for my country and loved this, but it took over most of my teen years, not that I complained, but my swimming career came to an abrupt end when I had to have two surgeries on my knee. I soon realised I had no life outside of swimming and was a bit of a loner without this.

I also grew up suffering from severe migraines and when I was 22 I suffered a T.I.A (transient ischaemic attack). It still wasn’t clear what had caused this, but I was put on medication, which meant that I may not be able to have children. As a result over the next few years I focused on my career as a Lawyer, working long hours and at that time I quite enjoyed what I did.

At the age of 32, after carrying out some research myself whilst on a diving trip I discovered that I had a hole in my heart, which had been there since I was born. Within weeks I was having heart surgery to have this fixed. This was scary, but also really positive, because if it was successful it meant that I may be able to come off my medication and start a family.

The good news is, it was successful and I have a gorgeous daughter called Martha. It was after I had Martha that my priorities around my career changed. After a year off I returned to work on a part-time basis, but by this point I had a new boss who took a distinct disliking to me, because he made it clear that he didn’t like part-timers and went on his mission over the next couple of years to knock every ounce of confidence out of me, took all my responsibilities away from me, made me look incompetent, tried to make me redundant, tried to pursue disciplinary action against me several times. Rather than working part time I found myself working 12 hour days some days just to keep up with my work load and to avoid being put on a performance management plan.

Eventually the stress got so bad, because I was no longer a good mum, good partner, or good friend and I was starting to have regular panic attacks, being sick before I went to work and crying when I got home and hardly sleeping, that I ended up collapsing and losing the feeling in my whole left side, coupled with my hand going in a claw like shape, which I couldn’t move. I was rushed to hospital. A stroke and heart attack were ruled out, but I became severely agoraphobic, unable to socialise with anyone, convinced everyone was talking about me if I did go anywhere and it was clear that I had a breakdown. I was eventually diagnosed with fibromyaligia.

Several months later I made the decision to leave a job that I had done and once loved for 14 years before it killed me and took a ￡10,000 drop in salary. By that point I was in such a bad way I couldn’t even go anywhere near my old office without having a panic attack and getting extremely upset. I felt ridiculous at the time.

After 2 more years, I was head hunted for a fantastic job opportunity, but it was close to my old office. I wasn’t sure if I could do it, so I started to try mindfulness, which helped me to stop dwelling on the past and make peace with it. I learnt that forgiveness was not about forgetting how another person had wronged us, but about letting go of the emotional baggage, which helps us release any negativity that has come about from the hurt we have experienced. I therefore realised that this person couldn’t hurt me anymore.

Unfortunately, only 9 months into my new job whilst cycling into work on a cold February morning I had a serious cycling accident, which turned out to be life-changing. However, for me this was life-changing in more ways than one, because although I suffered catastrophic injuries, including multiple broken bones around my orbital area, fractured and smashed cheekbone, fractured jaw, hairline fracture to my skull, loss of hearing in my left ear, moderate brain damage and a broken finger, which required me to have major facial reconstructive surgery and I now have a face full of titanium plates and pins, but on the positive side I had a free face-lift on the NHS, which isn’t a bad thing when you’re in you mid 40s.

I was told by my Consultant that I had come very close to death, which was quite scary, but on the positive side I didn’t die (again), so I was going to use this further chance at life to enjoy every day as if it was my last. I did have some low points during my physical recovery, because I felt trapped at home and normally my go to was to do some form of exercise and I couldn’t do any of that. I was also unable to eat anything apart from smoothies and soup, because I had my jaw pinned and I lost a huge amount of weight. I now know how people who go on ‘I’m a celebrity, get me out of here’ feel when they haven’t eaten properly for weeks, because I couldn’t wait to eat a crispy bacon sandwich for the first time.

I really struggled with not being able to do any fitness for months and this took me back to my swimming days and when I had to give this up. I realised again that my only hobbies involved some kind of sport. What was I going to do? I can relate to how anyone in the sporting industry must feel having to cut their career short as a result of illness or injury.

However, I taught myself to play the guitar on Youtube and can now play along to The Foo Fighters, which is fab.

I returned to my job after 5 months, but immediately I realised I was being micro-managed and I felt history repeating itself again. I didn’t feel supported. I was just asked constantly when I would be better. I didn’t have these answers. Eventually, through my own private medical insurance I was seen my a Neuropsychologist who carried out a series of extensive tests and concluded that due to the nature of my injuries I had some cognitive issues and due to the nature of my work I was unlikely to notice an improvement for at least 2 years post-accident and with added stress at work this would only prolong my symptoms.

I started to have daily panic attacks, so my GP signed me off with stress.

This was when I finally had my wake up call. I realised that I was deeply unsatisfied doing what I was doing. I embarked on an intensive Life Coaching course, together with NLP and then a Masters in Mindfulness and through every part of each course could relate everything to what I had been through in life.

I believe everything happens for a reason and it can take something traumatic to realise what your calling is. I am now happier and more positive than I ever have been in my life. I’m sure there will be more dramas and tragedies to come, but I no longer see my myself as a victim anymore. The past is in the past and the future is another day. The important thing is to focus on the present and enjoy every day as if it was your last. Change is possible if you want it. I know I can help you with that, because I am an example of someone who’s been through it and come out the other end on top of the world.

Every year I now set myself a challenge, which keeps me focused and gives me goals to work towards. Within a year of my accident I went skiing for the first time, despite being told that I wouldn't be able to do this. I even raced at the end of the week.

Last year, to get over my fear of riding a bike I took part in a Half Iron Man competition and was proud to be part of The Team True Spirit Team. It wasn't a quick time, but it was the hottest day of the year and I finished, which is the main thing. On the 23 June 2019 i'm taking part in Spartan UK, which is on the bonkers side - but that's me and I can't wait.

I now love inspiring other people who have been, or who are in the same position as I was in and show them that it is possible to get out the hole they feel they are in. If you stay positive, you can achieve anything.