Me! Me! Me! Pick me!

I will cut taxes, employ lots more teachers, nurses and doctors, rejoin the single market and make sure it is sunny every day in June, July and August. Pick me.

A Short History Lesson

In the first 41 years of my life six people served as prime minister of the UK. So, on average 7ish years each, though obviously Thatcher and Blair each lasted a lot longer. We had this quaint tradition of using general elections to figure our which party should be in power and therefore who should be leader.

No more. That link is broken my friends.

It's all Tom Watson's fault

Bear with me. The press are saying it began not with Pincher but with the Owen Patterson affair. They are missing the bigger picture.

Here's the truth according to me. The system for electing and booting out prime ministers was all going relatively smoothly until Tom Watson got involved.

Tom was a big supporter of Gordon Brown, who always thought he had the right to be PM & was, by now, pretty furious with Tony Blair for not letting him have a turn. Like bullies on the rugby team who don't much like the captain, Tom and his mates got busy making sure that Tony was forced, eventually to hand over the reins to Gordon. Bad idea.

The British public were not best pleased at having Gordon thrust upon 'em and were also a bit bored with Labour anyway, so when the election came, they made their views clear. They thought all parties were a bit of a shambles, no-one had a compelling vision and as a result we ended up with a hung Parliament.

At this point, David Cameron, ex Etonian, decided it was his turn to be leader of the Conservative party but recognising he needed to get a grip and ditch Nick Clegg & his mates, he promised the Tory right that he'd give them a referendum on membership of the EU.

His old school chum Boris, wasn't happy at David being PM, he thought it was his turn, so he hired a bus, painted some large numbers on it, hopped on board with Nigel Farage (remember him?) and campaigned for Leave.

That worked well and so David went off to live in a caravan and the Tory MPs got to choose who should be the next PM without the bother of a general election. They chose Theresa. Aside from giving them the ability to say the Tories had chosen two female leaders whilst the Labour party were choosing two leaders called Kier, this proved not to be such a good choice.

Meanwhile in the labour party, things were not going so well. Having failed to persuade the country that Gordon was the man for the job, Tom and his mates decided to support Ed Miliband rather than his brother David. To be fair, neither were ideal. Ed couldn't manage to eat a bacon sandwich on telly and David got into trouble with a banana. Needless to say the public didn't see them as credible leaders.

At this point, Margaret Becket, previously of sound mind, decided that to make the Labour party look more credible she would propose Jeremy Corbyn for the post of leader of the party. (She has since admitted to being "a moron"). I cannot for the life of me remember how or why Corbyn won but won he did. And then he proceeded to lose.

He lost to Theresa, though not as badly as predicted and then he lost in spectacular fashion to Boris. Now here is another piece of truth according to me. Boris likes to think all those northern voters in red wall seats loved him so much they voted for him en masse. What he needs to understand is that whilst some of them did undoubtedly love his boyish charm, they absolutely DETESTED Corbyn. With a passion. They voted against Corbyn even more than they voted for Boris.

Boris was a known liar and cheat. Inevitably and not before time his party realised he was going to be a vote loser so they got rid. And here we are today. The Tory party, without the bother of a general election, are about to choose our new PM.

The field is not only open wide it is exceptionally lacklustre, uninspiring and, frankly, a little worrying given the problems we face. Sadly, I cannot stand, not being a Conservative MP myself.

Polite request

I rode through Epping yesterday. It's really pretty. There is a green, a Methodist Church, a golf course, a Quaker Meeting House, lots of cafes, pubs and quaint tea rooms. I wouldn't describe it as particularly "diverse" though.

The local MP is a Conservative and I suspect there is a thriving Conservative party association or whatever they call themselves. They'll be involved in choosing our new leader. I just have a few requests:

1. Please could you choose someone who hasn't only recently (i.e. in the last seven days) learnt how to spell "integrity" and realised that trustworthiness is quite important in a leader.
2. Can you make sure they are reasonably sane.
3. Actually, that's it. I'm not sure they'll be in position for even the next three years so maybe we just keep it simple.

In Praise of English

Did you see the story that Sheffield Hallamshire University is ditching its pure English lit degree? Apparently it was a move in response to pressure from the Government for universities to show that graduates find jobs within six months. The inference being that humanities degrees, and English in particular, are not likely to help you become more marketable to an employer.

Let's just stand back a little and think about that one. If the last few years has taught us anything, I'd suggest that the power to communicate and a sense of historical perspective are extremely valuable skills. They have the power to do all sorts of good and - in the wrong hands - all sorts of damage.

So I for one will be sticking to writing drivel, reading fiction and will not be enrolling on a computer science degree anytime soon.

Top Tips in the Heat

1. Wear sunscreen
2. Avoid the Central Line
3. I've found a fabulous new brand of bikini - Hunza G. They say it's "one size fits all" which I don't think is technically true. It think it's more there's one size, it either fits of it doesn't. Really nice stretch crinkly fabric and although it's not cheap at least they don't do that annoying thing were you have to buy the top and the bottoms separately. I thought it was a new brand but apparently it's a revival of an old 80s brand - they made the dress Julia Roberts wore in the opening scenes of Pretty Woman.
4. Always have an audible book on the go. Preferably a long one that will get you through the inevitable delay at the airport or sustain you for four hours as you sit on the tarmac waiting for the plane to move.
5. Japanese brand - Suicoke - make fabulous nylon sandals. For men and women. Again, not cheap but I reckon they will last forever & they're super comfortable. Haven't actually bought any yet because I can't decide what colour.

I'm watching: Love Island. Well, I'm not watching it myself, of course, it's the teenagers in the house who are watching it. I just happen to see the odd clip. One thing I did notice, though, was that when they moved houses and introduced some new boys, there was one boy with ginger hair. He was definitely there, I spotted him on more than one occasion. But he never gets to say anything. They are clearly being mean to the ginger person. I may start a campaign.

I'm reading: Legendary Authors and the Clothes They Wore (thanks Deb). Here's a quote from Viginia Woolf

Vain trifles as they seem, clothes have, they say, more important offices than merely to keep us warm. They change our view of the world and the world's view of us.

There you go. I consider that sufficient justification for telling you all about Hunza G.

I'm listening to: Adele's Desert Island discs.