Me And My Husband Fight Constantly (My Husband Fights With Me Everyday)
Me and my husband fight constantly - My husband fights with me everyday.
People grow up and enter into relationships and many believe that 'it should just work'. When problems arise and fighting happens we manage with the tools we picked up from our parents, teachers and previous relationships however they have all learnt the ways to navigate in a stormy relationship moment from someone else who was just practicing and trying to do better than the last time.
Tip #1: Start listening and responding in a different way
One aspect of a fight is often that the parties involved feel not heard. Start by feeding back what you hear your husband says, without responding by adding your point or giving your opinion. You might like to say something like: 'You feel ___ (for example: unloved) because I ___ (for example: am always coming home late). Repeating back what you heard does not necessarily mean that you agree with your husband, however you work towards actively listening to each other. The next step is to ask clarifying questions in a non-reactive way. Ask: 'What specifically that I have said or done is making you feel unloved?' Continue with active listening and feeding back.
Tip #2: Say sorry and mean it
Apologizing is one of the most powerful ways to take ammunition out of a fight. Saying: 'Look, I'm really sorry that I have upset you. It was not my intention and I am sorry' can turn an argument around simply because you have taken responsibility for the fact that your actions, words or behaviour might have hurt your husband and that you did not intend it. Any blame loses its justification when you have truly said sorry and meant if from your heart. Refrain from adding your point of view in this moment; simply say sorry and pay attention to your husband's reaction.
Tip #3: Take responsibility for your own history
In any fight there are two parts that have made their own contribution to the problem. The first step to reduced reactivity in a relationship is to take responsibility for your own unresolved history and start cleaning it up. If you do not know any form of release or process work you might want to find professional help from a therapist, coach or counsellor to do so.
Tip #4: Give in, forgive, let go and start fresh
Fights mostly are two 'ego identifications' butting heads and trying to convince the other of their point of view being right. Practice giving in for a change and see what happens to the fight.
Often fights are fueled by past issues. Bringing up the past won't help the present issue so it is better to drop it and truly let go of it and only deal with what is present now. Start fresh by seeing only the current issue.
These tips obviously will only bear fruit if both partners are willing to start changing the pattern. Still, you can start from your side and observe the changes that occur. Be patient and be aware of 'change back' movement where your husband would like you to come back to the part you played before you have altered your reactions.
Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was. Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.
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You Can Grow Your Marriage
There was a connection between the two of you that grew into something special because you got married. You both worked hard to build your relationship but then with all too many, once they get married, they stop. I have to admit that always confuses me. You have a great time dating, the engagement cannot have been too bad otherwise you would never have got married, so why stop! Why do couples stop communicating? Why do couples stop spending quality time together? Is it any wonder that far too many couples drift apart and the divorce rate soars if no-one is prepared to work at the basics. Why stop enjoying each others company? If you really want to grow your marriage you have to nurture and guide it along the years, do not just discard everything that drew you together.
If you are going to grow your marriage you have to get used to the idea that there is no more I, you have now become, US. This does not mean that you have to give up your identity. As well as being equal halves in the relationship you are separate individual, each with your own needs and emotions. As well as your looks it was your individual natures that drew you together when you first me, so do not try change each other into something that you are not, you did not marry a clone of yourself, you married an individual. Do not lose site of the fact that it is your individual natures, you different lives, ideas, emotions and needs that make the marriage that keep it alive.
Get to know your partner, get inside their heads so that you know what makes them tick. This means being open and honest and letting another have access to your private spaces. You need to share your lives, needs and emotions. If you need help, do not be afraid to ask for support, that is what your partner is there for and that is what you are there for. Do not be ashamed to let your partner know how you feel, the flip side to that is hiding your emotions away until the point that it becomes a problem, which is not the healthiest of ways to grow your marriage.
One of the great certainties of the world, apart from death and taxes is that everything changes and there are no exceptions to that rule. That means that you will change, your partner will change and your relationship will change. Change can be a scary prospect, especially if one of you has become far too comfortable with the way things are, it does not have to be like this, be totally honest with each other, communicate effectively and be prepared to compromise. Your lives will change through work commitments, buying a house, kids and it will affect you both in different ways, share these changes with your partner, it will bind you closer and stop you drifting apart. Change is not something to be resisted, as you both grow in your marriage your plans and needs will change, be happy in that as it shows that you have a healthy, maturing relationship.
You need to develop a flexible approach to dealing with any problems. Always approach issues calmly and rationally, diplomacy by screaming and playing the blame game tends not to help grow a marriage, it is more likely to wilt it. Deal with each issue one at a time and work for a solution that you are both happy with, if you are both happy then it strengthens the relationship. Try to view things from your partners perspective as there is no guarantee that they will look at things the same way that you do. One of the great things about talking to each other is that any issues can be identified early on and dealt with quickly, before they become a problem, so please do not ever stop talking to one another.
Once a week would be best. If you have kids send them of to family for a few hours. If you have any other commitments, well, this one takes priority over everything. Do not ever forget that the most important part of your relationship, your marriage, your commitment to each other is you two. At some point your kids will move away but you will still be together for hopefully decades to come. You must spend quality time with each other, not only will it strengthen the physical bond between you, not only will your you time relax you but maybe, just maybe, you might even enjoy yourself and take even more pleasure in each others company.
You can grow your marriage, there is no great secret to it, you just have to keep working at it for the rest of your lives. I say work but being there for your loved one, being their support, letting them know how much you value them, building a lifetime of golden memories together, that hardly sounds like work now, does it?
It's all up to you! If you don't take this action to save your marriage, then who will?
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50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You can save your marriage with powerful techniques that will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save your marriage today by visiting Keys To A Successful Marriage