"ME" Culture VS Kindness

In a “Me-Oriented” culture, does consistent kindness still make sense?

?This is a question that I am asked regularly by people who are a little frustrated with the way the world has gone lately. There is no doubt that there is a trend in our culture towards more of a “Me-Oriented” focus. We are exposed to relentless advertising about iTunes, the iPhone, iPad, and everything “I” seems to resonate. Our world has gradually moved to a model where it is about “ME”, and less and less about others and demonstrating consistent Kindness. This is tragic because Confucius, passing down wisdom from the ages, said that we should, “Forget injuries, but never forget kindnesses”. There is no doubt that kindness, empathy, and selflessness are qualities which we desperately need to see more of.

?But in 2009, researchers at the University of California (Berkley) challenged the deep-seated idea that humans are wired to be selfish. In several studies, social scientists compiled increasing evidence to show that we are successful as a species exactly because of our “nurturing, altruistic and compassionate traits”. As people, the most successful and fulfilled among us are generally those who care and show empathy towards others. The researchers called it, “the survival of the kindest”. Even Albert Einstein said that

"Only a life lived for others is worth living."

?So it makes sense to show Consistent Kindness - and not fall for the mantra that “it’s all about me”. Personally, I am big on karma. Karma speaks to the energy we emanate and the life we project. What we project tends to come back to us. I like to think of Karma as similar to the law of sowing and reaping. The things we do gets done to us; what we speak gets said to us; what we sow we reap. So, why not live, speak, and show consistent Kindness? Mark Twain said that “Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and blind can read".?Wow!

?What Is Kindness?

1. Kindness is Caring & Compassion. Care and compassion are fundamental spiritual values and sacred human rights. People always have a right to care and compassion. The beauty about showing care and compassion is that it makes us happy, and it also makes the one we are giving it to happy as well. As the Dalai Lama said, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”?The truth is that you can never give enough Kindness. At times we feel like we have exhausted our capacity to pour out Kindness and generosity and nurture; but if we dig a little deeper we will find more to give! ?
2. ?Kindness is Comforting & Completing. There are times when we feel that those around us need direction, correction, and instruction. We want to instruct, direct, and correct. Though it may be true that a person could benefit from those things, make sure that before you offer them, offer comfort. Authentic comfort and calm work wonders in dealing with people! When people we love or care about are struggling, first offer a hug;?then offer a roadmap. Kindness will put them in a much better place to receive. I love what Henry Ward Beecher said:

"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation”.

1. Kindness is Creating… Hope, vision, dreams, and future. It is amazing the difference that authentic Kindness can make in the life of another human being. So many people wrestle to believe in themselves, and so of course, they live their lives at about 25-50% of their true potential. Kindness and acceptance creates a sense in people of true worth and value… which act as fuel for their hopes, visions, and dreams. It is amazing to realize that we have power to activate the hopes, vision, and dreams of another! Whatever you do, just for yourself, will die with you. But whatever you do for others will remain and create the possibility of immortality.
2. ?Kindness is Clarifying & Coaching. We don’t do people any favors by just patting them on the back if they are walking off a cliff. Part of kindness is working through issues, difficulties, and even errors in judgment with people; but doing so proactively toward a solution! Asking questions in the right time, helping people to discern between choices, and helping them grow in their capacity to know healthy vs. unhealthy are all traits of consistent Kindness. Clarifying and coaching people towards positive choices for themselves and those they care about is authentic Kindness!???
3. Kindness is Contagious. The end result of kindness is that it draws people to you. No one likes to be around a person who is judgmental, impatient, and intolerant. Remember well the words of William Wordsworth as you continue your journey:

“The best portion of a good man's life are his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love”. ??

Personally, I have often asked why some people seem to be naturally Kind and compassionate, while others are not? Why are some not kind? The simplest answer is that we live what we learn and are taught. In other words, some have experienced consistent Kindness, and others did not. Let’s all take time and evaluate what we were taught, and thus how we are living. If we did not receive Kindness, we may have to consciously choose to work a little harder at it than others. But as we are persistent, patient, and gentle with ourselves, we will surely get there.?

And let’s remember Helen Keller:

"Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves."