Me before We: Why self-care is so damn hard

I was recently asked to put together a workshop on self-care for a team. So I went back to the drawing board with my well worn workshop "Humans in the Office" which focused on boundaries and communication within teams. My work has evolved a great deal in the last 3 years and so this workshop did the same. Below is what came up for me in this matter. I hope that these few paragraphs will hit it home and help you understand why self-care is so damn hard. You can pick (identify) your personal poison from several options below. And I have tagged my self-care warriors at the end, because you folks are indeed brave AF and are some of the most beautiful black sheep I have ever known.

Me before We: Why self-care is so damn hard.

The tension is always palpable… the first time you stand up for yourself and your wellbeing… or the first time you put down a boundary as a pre-emptive move so that you don’t have to defend yourself from being trampled later… so that it does not keep you up at night... so that it does not overwhelm you and you take it out on your kids.... so it does not make you sick…

Someone you likely love: “You’re selfish and you have never cared about me”

Your own inner critic (not wanting to be out done by those you love): “You’re selfish AF and most definitely a terrible person”

Your outdated nervous system: “REALLY? Come on, we do NOT need this cortisol right now!! What is WRONG with you?! Roll over and play doormat, NOW”

Your Amygdala (primitive brain): “omg. Are you kidding me right now? We need people to like us or we will DIE of starvation when we are cast out of the village...or shunned.... or fired, or canceled, or whatever is trending in this century. BTW...,what century IS it? and how many threats do you see in your periphery vision right now?”

Your rational brain: “SHUT UP ALREADY AMYGDALA. It’s 2022. WE NEED TO DO THIS. We do NOT need the cortisol for the REST of this life, idiot. It will create anxiety that will overwhelm us at times and then give us a chronic disease later. Let’s deal with this NOW. Days and weeks are better than decades. Get your stress response $hit together already.”

Your ancestral DNA: (wafts into your consciousness, calling from echoes within your very soul) *ahem* “Dearest descendant of many generations, if thou desires to lead mankind and make the world a better place, won’t thou give me leave to recite a poetry of words by the soul & collective wisdom acquired by one named Bert Hellinger in 21st century?

“The so-called black sheep of the family are, in fact, hunters born of paths of liberation into the family tree.

The members of a tree who do not conform to the norms or traditions of the family system, those who since childhood have constantly sought to revolutionise beliefs, going against the paths marked by family traditions, those criticised, judged and even rejected, these are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations.

The black sheep, those who do not adapt, those who cry rebelliously, play a basic role within each family system, they repair, pick up and create new and unfold branches in the family tree.

Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. Its rebellion is fertile soil, its madness is water that nourishes, its stubbornness is new air, its passion is fire that re-ignites the light of the heart of the ancestors.

Uncountable repressed desires, unfulfilled dreams, the frustrated talents of our ancestors are manifested in the rebelliousness of these black sheep seeking fulfilment. The genealogical tree, by inertia will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes the task of our sheep a difficult and conflicting work.

However, who would bring new flowers to our tree if it were not for them? Who would create new branches? Without them, the unfulfilled dreams of those who support the tree generations ago would die buried beneath their own roots.

Let no one cause you to doubt, take care of your rarity as the most precious flower of your tree.

You are the dream of all your ancestors.”

Need I say more than Bert?

Well, I guess it never hurts to end with Brené Brown ...

"Daring leaders are never silent about hard things"

Much love to my fellow black sheep, we are all the dream of our ancestors - and I am here for it and for you and you for me. We've got this.

Sophie Bretag Dr Emma Woodward FRSA Treena Reilkoff Dr. Asif Sadiq MBE Seth A. Olivia Morris pk mutch Tamara Lechner Neil Hunter Marsha Nwanne Chenai Kadungure MA, MPhil Michelle A. Velasquez Louise H Reid (ACC, CHRL) Lee Chambers Niti Nadarajah Chance Marshall and soooooooo many more.

PS. Don't forget to come to our FREE event "Culture & Wellness: Back to the way it never was" on Dec 13th, our guest speakers/panelists are sure to make this a magical and inspiring event. And I am easy to find and get in touch with either here on Linkedin or at thewholeavocado.com

#psychologicalsafety #culture #leadership #mentalhealth #selfcare #boundaries