Maximize Your Confidence in Meetings: Prioritize Service Over Expertise

Think back for a moment on a recent meeting that triggered your self-doubt. What was it about the situation that made you uncomfortable? Maybe you felt that the topic was outside of your core areas of expertise. Perhaps you worried that you hadn’t adequately prepared for potential questions that might come your way. Or maybe you just believed that others in the room were more qualified to be in the meeting.

These are some of the common fears I hear from my clients with meeting anxiety. What’s at the root of all of these fears is an overemphasis on proving our expertise. Yes, of course, we need certain skills and expertise to effectively perform our roles. But many of us over-index on building and demonstrating expertise that nobody else expects from us.?

Having spent years as a non-technical person in a high-tech company, I write from experience. These are some of the thoughts I had, which I see echoed in those I support today:

• I must be able to immediately and perfectly respond to every possible question that is asked of me.
• I must have the same information and understanding of the topic as everyone around me, regardless of the difference in our roles and backgrounds.
• I must be able to prove that I am worthy of my role or others will question why I’m even in the room.

This is a lot of pressure to put on ourselves! It leads us to spend long nights over-preparing as though we’re cramming for an exam. It causes us to doubt ourselves and worry that others are going to find out we’re not as good as they think we are. And it creates intense anxiety that affects our physical and emotional health.

So, how do we address this??

In my most recent post, I recommended that we shift our attention from proving our expertise, which becomes a losing battle with ourselves, to being of greatest service. Instead of trying to show everyone how smart or qualified you are, ask yourself, “How can I help?”

When we are focused on being of service, we are naturally more confident. We seek out ways to use our natural strengths in support of a mission that is bigger than protecting our own fragile egos. This quiets the inner critic and allows us to feel like we’re adding meaningful value. (And, in the process, we demonstrate that expertise we want so badly to prove but without the added pressure and self-doubt!)

In my last post, I shared self-reflection questions to help you prepare for the meeting. Here I am sharing self-reflection questions to help you confidently navigate the meeting with an emphasis on service above expertise:

Am I coming from a place of service or ego right now?

When we are in meetings surrounded by our colleagues and worried about the impression we’re making, we often default to self-preservation (ego) rather than service. We don’t ask our question because we’re afraid we’ll look stupid. Or we don’t share our idea because we assume that, if it were a good one, someone else would have shared it already.

What’s motivating our behavior when we choose to sit on the sidelines is the drive to protect our fragile egos. But in prioritizing our egos, we often do a disservice to those around us. If you have a question or idea, not sharing it could deprive your team of important information or discussion. You might also lose out on an opportunity to model this behavior for others.

So, when you’re about to sit quietly rather than contribute, ask yourself, “Am I coming for a place of service or ego right now?”

Who do I want to be in this moment?

We all have aspirational selves that reflect our higher values. When considering how we want to show up in the world, most of us don’t think, “I want to give into fear and play small.” But if we don’t pause and give ourselves the space to make more intentional choices, oftentimes we fall into that trap.

When you’re at a crossroads debating whether to contribute or not, ask yourself, “Who do I want to be in this moment? Which path would align with my highest self?” It’s not realistic to assume that you will always take this path. There will be times when you are under great stress or there is not sufficient psychological safety in the room to take the risk. But, if you keep your vision of your aspirational self nearby, it is more likely that you’ll stay true to that vision.

To ensure that your aspirational self features prominently on your radar, take a few minutes before the meeting to think about how you want to show up and who you want to be in that discussion. Then jot down a few bullets you can keep visible throughout the meeting.?Examples might include:

• I collaborate to find the best solution to the problem.
• I ask clarifying questions to make sure the team is on the same page.
• I ensure everyone feels respected.

What does this conversation need right now?

Being of service in a meeting means more than contributing substantive work updates. It can also mean staying mindful of the dynamics at play and facilitating an environment where more voices can be heard. For example, if only two people are dominating the conversation, being of greatest service might look like interrupting the flow to say, “We’ve only heard from two people. Does anyone else have any thoughts?”

You might also decide to amplify someone else’s idea, particularly if that is someone who hasn’t gotten appropriate attention or recognition. For example, “I’d like to echo Jackie’s point. As she said, it’s important that we take this into consideration before moving forward.” These efforts foster greater levels of inclusion, which inherently lead to more productive meetings.?

As you’re engaging in the meeting, ask yourself, “Whose voices are we missing right now? And how I can bring them into the conversation?”?

Engaging in meetings is a common trigger for many high-achieving professionals who struggle with perfectionism, impostor syndrome and the intense need to prove themselves. But it doesn't have to be. Use this framework to help you shift your focus away from expertise and toward service.?

Stay tuned for the next post where we’ll look at how to be of greatest service after the meeting.

Kim Meninger is a leadership coach, consultant and TEDx speaker who is on a mission to make it easier to be human at work. She believes that what holds us back in the workplace is rarely our ability to do the work itself – it’s the fears, doubts and insecurities we bring to our interactions with others. Connect with Kim to learn more about how she can support you and/or your team.