"The Math Book Story"

Does your process REALLY allow for growth through failure?

The Setup

One of my children is currently learning through struggle: accountability for one's own things.

There is a place and process for school backpacks in our house. After school, the backpack goes in a cubby under the stairs, your homework goes on the counter until completed, then back into aforementioned backpack under the stairs. That way it’s always in the same place the next morning.

One child in particular struggles with this process and possesses a wily math book which can often be found late at night on a kitchen chair, in a bedroom, in the upstairs reading nook, or at the dining room table.

This morning, the math book in question was still stubbornly on the kitchen counter during breakfast, fraternizing with a sweater that was also supposed to be safely nestled in the backpack under the stairs.

During breakfast, I graciously reminding the affected child that some necessary elements were not where they needed to be. After breakfast, I witnessed said child putting the sweater in the backpack before rushing off to brush teeth, but the brazen math book was still loafing on the kitchen counter.

I looked long and hard at the math book. Long and hard at the bathroom door behind which teeth brushing was occurring. And I looked long and hard at the packed backpack ready to go by the door.

Then I did one of the hardest things I’ve had to do as a parent: I walked out the door. I chose to let my child fail.

The Struggle

Driving home after drop-off, I wrestled with my decision. This kiddo would be marked for missing homework. They would not be able to follow today’s lesson effectively. They would feel the shame of being without. They would feel anger at me for not saving them from this math-less travesty.

And honesty, there was the self-preservation side of it. Would there be some make-up worksheet I now need to help manage. Would I have to text another parent for notes. Would this pattern continue into a downward vortex and I would need to sacrifice my weekend as math tutor to help get back on track.

But the logical side of me reminisced that the lessons that stuck best with me were the ones where I failed and the sting of failure is what spurred me to learn, remember, and overcome the next time.

The Application

We like to say we are helping our employees by doing dive and catches. We don’t let them fail. We don’t let the project lag. We don’t miss deadlines. We run a tight ship. After all, this is important work. There are customers and budgets and if we fail, there are consequences. We can’t let that happen.

But is that true?

Are we not allowing failure because that’s best for everyone involved, or are we not allowing failure because that’s best for our pride, reputation, and weekend plans?

When is the last time someone on your team failed? It doesn’t have to be a catastrophic project-ending failure, it could just be a tardy report, or a wrong estimate. But if you can’t readily think of something in the recent past, you’re running your ship a little too tight.

If your team is not failing, they are not growing. If they are not screwing up now and then, then you are by not letting them. Ask yourself: are you not giving them complex enough challenges or are you over-managing their approach or results such that they have no room to fail?

Without failure there is no growth. So grit your teeth, bite your tongue. Let your team struggle a bit. Leave the math book on the counter. Don’t jump in and save them. Let them fail. It’s the best for everyone in the long run.

The Twist

Oh, and when I walked back into the house this morning, guess what?! There was no math book on the counter! Against all odds, that little bugger remembered and took it to school.

Maybe your team can do more than you give them credit for too. You'll never know unless you're willing to let them fail.

www.elizabethbieniek.com

#innovation #leadership #parenting #hardlessons #failure #growth