Maternity Leave - Taking a chance on TripActions 5 years ago

Tl;Dr: Thank you TripActions for my time to heal, grow, and bond with my babies.?

--

In a recent post about my 5 years here at TripActions I called out our maternity leave specifically. I was laid off from Yahoo during the Verizon acquisition 5+ years ago. I had a severance package (& no kids or mortgage yet) which allowed me time to focus on what I REALLY wanted for “what was next”.?

My key areas of focus:?

1. People - most of our time is spent with our colleagues at work, I want to enjoy their company, work well together, learn from them, grow from them, and feel welcome.?
2. Product - I wanted to work in a place where I liked the product and vision. I wanted to believe in what I was working on.?
3. Leadership - while this fits into “People” it’s its own category. I wanted to believe that the vision of our leadership across the board was long-term. I also wanted to work with leaders who had the best interest of their employees and were human.?

Benefits are also important and at the time, TripActions’ maternity leave was lacking in comparison to the big tech companies that I was considering (as expected considering the size and age of the company). Regardless, I decided I would take a chance on the company and that numbers 1 & 3 from above would eventually catch up and positively change the parental leave policy as the company grew. Thankfully by the time I was pregnant with Aspen (almost 3 now! ??) that was the case. From 6 weeks when I started to now a fully paid 16 weeks (speaking for a US FTE birthing parent), and I actually took 20 weeks with both kids (partially unpaid). TripActions grew and with that, our benefits also got better, and continue to do so. I feel lucky to be part of a company and a team who support me in my own personal choices to start a family, have time to physically heal, spend time with my baby, and come back to my career. Not just *a* job, but my career.?

While being told and logically knowing I was fully supported by my team and leadership to take my allowed time, it’s hard to subdue the voices in the back of my head of “what if they realize they don’t need me?”, “what if they don’t ‘want’ me back?”, “am I going to have to start over in the next step of my career now?”, “will I be passed up on a promotion?”.?

I didn’t come back “distracted” or “less productive”, I came back with perspective, boundaries, and new meaning. I’m able to better prioritize, work effectively and efficiently, have more empathy for people, what might be going on in their personal lives and how that may or may not impact their needs at work, and honestly, feel overall less stressed at work. Being NEEDED and having a “FIRE” at work is a whole other feeling when you have a newborn and a 2.5 year old. Being “needed” and putting out “fires” at work are almost relaxing compared to being NEEDED as a parent. (Not to mention also being a wife, a daughter, a friend… oh yeah, and just an individual person yourself.)

I often get comments like “I need to have a kid so I can take a break” or “it must have been so nice to have all that “time off ”-implying a vacation. I had a “break”, from work, and was “off”, from work, but being a parent is a full-time JOB where the “fires” are constant and being needed is a literal reality. I could still use a break, a VACATION, a real one… or maybe 2. A split one, partially with the kids and get to live life through their beautiful fresh eyes, and then one where I can just relax and think about only what I want. ???

Being able to spend 20 weeks without having one more thing on my list pulling at my time and instead focus that time on my newborn (with both Aspen and Bryce) was nice. You can’t get that time back. There is nothing more important in life than my babies and family and ensuring they’re healthy and happy, and part of doing that for them is to just be present.

Being on leave from work was both to recover physically after carrying an extra 50 lbs(!), birth, and mental changes becoming a parent. Your body doesn’t just “spring back”. While I might have felt up for it, my Dr. still said “don’t walk for more than about 15 min” for 6 (!) weeks. Don’t carry too much weight (but also take your baby to all these appointments, carry their car seat, load and unload a stroller, etc). I needed to heal MY body and sustain and care for my new baby’s life. While physically healing, I also needed to adjust to all the new changes mentally. Your mental state is a constant rollercoaster. Am I doing the right things? Am I being a good mother? Why aren’t I producing enough milk? Why is something that is supposed to be so natural so hard? Is my baby getting enough to eat? Am I taking care of MY body to be able to feed ANOTHER? Should I sleep train? I know I need sleep. Am I a terrible mom if I let my kid cry? Am I ruining them by holding them when they cry? Should I breast of formula feed? Both? Am I a terrible parent if I do? I just want some alone time. Am I a terrible mom for wanting to be alone? Who am I anymore? Do I still exist now? Am I being a good wife? Daughter? Friend??

I don’t think there is a single moment of my day where my mind is completely clear and free, when I’m not thinking of something else on my list. Having those 16 - 20 weeks to focus on just the questions above and not think, about my customers, my team, our product, learning about new changes, am I doing a good job at work? Is my team getting what they need from me? Am I doing the right things to grow my career? Am I meeting/talking to the right people? Etc. This “time off” allows me the time to try to understand my new “normal” (though it constantly changes with each new phase of childhood development) before I go back to work.?

Coming back to work for me was refreshing. It feels like getting a small piece of me back and is nice to have adult conversations and challenge my brain in this way instead of “I just made pasta for the 3rd night in a row for dinner, is my child getting the nutrition they need?” way that’s the constant of parenthood. BUT, coming back to work is also hard. There’s a guilt to leaving your baby all day with someone else. Luckily for me, my husband was able to take 12 weeks off with each of our kids (with Aspen he was at IBM , and Bryce, at ZipRecruiter ), making that transition much easier. I loved knowing that, 1. our child was with someone I trust and cares/loves them just as much as I do, and 2. that my husband also was getting this special time to bond and care for our child too. It’s amazing to see companies start to give non-birthing parents the time to be present parents/partners too. With both Aspen and Bryce, Brent Gardiner took two weeks at birth to help me mostly, and then 10 weeks to extend time before daycare started. I’m thankful to have a great husband/partner who wants to parent, be an equally active part of our children’s lives, and who is such an amazing father.?

Aspen was born 2 weeks before COVID lockdown, so my whole leave was basically spent in our small rental and on neighborhood walks. When I returned to work in July 2021, I was still working from home and Aspen was just in the other room. This time, I’m back in office 5 days a week (by choice) with Aspen’s preschool just a couple blocks away. This time I wasn’t just on the other side of the door from Bryce if he got hungry, or I missed him and wanted a baby cuddle. I had to pump at work, consider formula, and wait for my baby cuddles. While I missed my baby, I was also truly happy knowing my husband was being able to create his own bond with Bryce and that he was in good hands.?

Yesterday, Bryce started daycare at the same place Aspen has been, and surprisingly, I was fine. Dropping him off with people I’ve now been seeing care for my daughter for the last 2 years, knowing he’d be happy and safe where he’s going to be spending most his days, made the transition much easier.?

I had these fairy-tale expectations of traveling and doing a ton of exploring while on leave with both kids… it didn’t happen. COVID stopped us the first time around and life with a toddler, house, and puppy (yes, we’re insane and got a Labrador puppy December ’21) at least made it feel less possible this time around too. While it wasn’t my fairy tale, I got TIME, and in the end, that’s really all that matters. I can still take my PTO, but I’ll never get time back with my newborn.?

I disconnected from work with both kids. I survived. Work survived. I came back and am here and ready to take on what’s next. I’m excited to be part of what’s next for TripActions and continue on this journey of both personal, career, and company growth.?

Thank you TripActions (and IBM and ZipRecruiter ) and thank you to all the people who have been part of both my leave journeys to make them possible.?

PS.?

Happy 7 months to Bryce today! :)?